Ryan

I think I'm going to do something a little crazy tonight and blog twice... Two very different posts with two very different purposes. See, I was about to sit down to write about something important when I got a phone call that changed my plans for the evening.

I got a call just a little while ago to ask me for prayer regarding someone being in a car accident. That phone call lasted all of about 45 seconds and when it ended, I immediately hit my knees in my bedroom. See, I don't mess with car accidents. They've hurt me too bad before. They are too senseless, too unpredictable, too unfair.

As I prayed fervently over everyone involved in the situation, a visual from the summer popped into my mind and I found myself sobbing out loud, hot tears soaking the carpet. Tears are coming to my eyes again as I type but I figured it was time to tell another story of a camper... and how the Lord worked in my life through him. I'm going to try to pull myself together enough to tell this one.

Week four of camp we had a little boy with us named Ryan. I never got to meet Ryan personally but I'll never forget his face. Ryan had a tough home life, was struggling with some anger issues, and just generally needed the week at camp. Ryan isn't a believer (or at least wasn't at that time) and doesn't come from a Christian home. But he'd been having a fantastic week at camp. His group leaders were overjoyed just to see him having such a good time and were praying that God would do big things in his life.

About day three of camp, Ryan's group leaders pulled Mary and I aside to let us know that Ryan's dad had passed away at random in a car accident. Ryan didn't know yet. (crying again...) I sat outside praying and weeping with his group leaders during I Can't Wait as they prepared to tell him. They wanted him to have a great time that morning and they planned to pull him out on his way to bible study, let him know, and drive him home to be with his mom. We sat outside in devastation as Ryan laughed and jumped around inside with absolutely no idea of what was to come. It isn't fair, it isn't right, and it isn't okay. Ryan never should've had to deal with it.

I wiped tears away from my face and tried to pull everything together to see the hundreds of kids streaming out the door off to Bible study. None of our staff new yet (minus Blakes...) and none of the children knew either. After the last camper had scurried off to Bible study, I sat down on the front steps of the Christian Center knowing that a few rooms back, Ryan was finding out the most devastating news of his young life. I sat with my arm around a lady I'd never met-- the one who was about to drive him home for 3 hours. What can you say? What can you do? Not a lot. We sat there talking and praying until the door behind me swung wide open and I saw something that has haunted me for a long time since.

Out came Ryan and his group leaders and without saying a word, they all walked quickly to the car and drove away. I may never see Ryan again but I will never forget the look on his face. He was as white as snow with tears streaming violently down his face. His eyes were red and he looked lost for sense of direction, unsure of whether or not his next step was even going to carry his little body. 

I spent the rest of that morning just upset, confused, hurt... almost angry that sweet children have to go through things like this. Praying for Ryan tonight I feel the same way. It's months later and a lot of people have likely forgotten but I know that he hasn't. He lives with it daily. His father wasn't a believer and neither was he. I pray that he is now...

As I walked back into Adult Gathering to get my stuff, one of my favorite songs from the summer was playing and I caught hold of this line: "When it hurts, when times get hard, don't forget Who's child you are." That day it hurt. Times were hard... it wasn't easy to tell our staff and it wasn't easy to tell the rest of the campers in his church group. And it isn't easy today. Loss is never easy.

But the theme of our summer was this: Shipwreck Island: Where God Provides. And I believe that God provided for Ryan. I'm not sure that I can explain exactly how, but I know that He did. I know that God provides daily for Ryan by giving him the opportunity to be His child and to know that our God never leaves us, never forsakes us, and is always there. He is all comfort. He is all hope. Romans 8:26-- the Spirit helps us in our weakness. In those moments when we don't even know what to pray for, He is there to assure us that He understands and the He will take our next steps for us. I pray that Ryan knows that. I pray that we all do. I pray that God uses that brokenness. I pray that we each realize that God has provided all of those things for us today.

I scrolled back tonight through my journal to see the time I had written about Ryan. It was ironically (or not so ironically) after the Lord had revealed to my heart scripture about brokenness and how it draws us each nearer to Christ. I don't believe that God causes these hard things to happen in our lives, but I do believe that He fully works through them. Sometimes we can see it in retrospect, if we're lucky we can see it in the moment. Sometimes we never see it at all. Ryan taught me that.

I keep this verse written on a note card right by my steering wheel and it continues to speak in all situations in life:

"My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness... That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." -2 Corinthians 12:9, 10

That is why. We know that in the midst of hard things, senseless things, and things that are too unfair for us to grasp, we can rejoice because in our weakness, His grace is sufficient and His power is made perfect. I don't know what Ryan's life looks like today but I hope that he is rejoicing. Let's rejoice tonight for the peace our God brings and the power that He holds through our weakness. Praise God that I am weak. It makes His strength so much sweeter.

A lengthy post but I hope that Ryan's story touches your heart the way it continues to touch mine... maybe I won't blog twice tonight. That was probably enough reading for anyone for a while.