january

Sunday afternoon on the front porch and the weather is absolutely perfect right now... I wish it would feel like this forever... I really wish I had a rocking chair. If I closed my eyes, I might believe I was sitting by the beach. Right now I can hear Season singing worship songs through the front door and I can smell chocolate chip cookies baking. I guess that's a sweet way to spend the afternoon, even if it isn't exactly what I had planned. Hmm.

I'm in the mood to do something super creative. Any suggestions?

Anyway, I decided it was about time for me to blog as I had planned last Thursday night. I have a little bit of news. Okay, it's a lotta bit of news...

I officially got offered my ideal internship and will be moving to Jackson, Mississippi in January.

Eek! How crazy is that?! And I'll admit something. I found out last Monday night and had to make my decision throughout the course of the week. There are a lot of details to work out, yes, but I had this realization as I finally told Karen about it last Thursday afternoon:

I haven't celebrated at all.

I started praying that the Lord would provide me with an internship almost a full year ago. I prayed that He would drop one in my lap over the summer, through some means or connection. The way this one came about was far too perfect to not be planned out by the Lord Himself and I prayed earnestly that if it was His will, it would work out. And you know what? He worked it out.

And instead of rejoicing in that fact and recognizing that this is a big deal, a big honor, and a big answered prayer, I jumped straight last week into being super stressed out about the million little details. I have to find a place to live. I have to make money somehow. I need to sublease my apartment. I don't have these things. There's so much paperwork. I have to do xyz. I'm afraid of moving onto the next chapter of my life. Can't I please take my roommates with me? And I got so bogged down with it that I completely failed to recognize it for the blessing that it is. I think maybe I have a hard time realizing that it's reality... or I have a hard time with the fact that I feel there's so much to do and I can't do any of it right now. And it isn't that I haven't said thank you, but I have failed to give the Lord the recognition that He deserves.

So last Thursday night I set out to have a night of celebration, even if it was all by myself. So what did I do? I made perfect chocolate cupcakes (okay, I made them for something else but they can have dual purpose, right?) and opted to put all stressing aside for the day in honor of living a life of gratitude. eucharisto even. Because that's how we should live every day. It's like Karen reminded me, the Lord isn't going to take care of the big things and leave the little details unresolved. Thank goodness we can have peace in His provision. John 11:41-- Father, thank you that you have heard me.

"Speak to one another with psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ." --Ephesians 5: 19-20

May I live a thankful life and may I understand the magnitude of all that I have to be thankful for. The past few months the Lord has continually laid this upon my heart as I dream and make plans:  

"Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.' Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you out to say, 'If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that.'" -James 4:13-15

And I live in that (as best as I can). But it looks like for now, it seems to be His will that I go. I met with the Lord last Sunday morning with a heavy heart and posed to Him the question "What am I even supposed to do, Lord?" His answer? Go. Loud and clear. So okay... Here we go.

That being said, I'm trying to continue to take the moment to celebrate. Not to celebrate myself or my acceptance... though I admit that I'm a little bit proud to have gotten it. To a degree I think that's okay. But no, not to celebrate any of those things but to celebrate and acknowledge the fact that the Lord has heard me and has provided. I know that in the time to come He will continue to provide. If it is His will, I will do this or that. If it is His will, I'll be living in Jackson in January. Crazy. What a crazy God we serve. So often I find myself in a place of simply wondering how I got to where I am today... may we all stand in awe of the great things He does and live in expectation of the great things He will continue to do. Why? Simply because He loves us.

Oh, how He loves us.