This morning's quote on my C.S. Lewis daily app was this:
"Write about what really interests you, whether it is real things or imaginary things, and nothing else."
In light of that and the fact that I've been super excited to write this post for the past two days, I'm going to willingly fall even further behind on #reverb11 for the sake of just writing from my heart this afternoon.
A few days ago I wrote a post about me reading a passage of Scripture in John 12 and wanting to know the answers to so many questions, just like the man in the crowd who talks to Jesus in verse 34. The man is confused as to why Jesus, after all the miracles and such He has performed, reminds the people that He is the Son of Man. Jesus met my many questions here the same way He met those of the crowd-- with the call to just trust Him.
We don't trust Jesus for the sake of Him rewarding us. We trust Him because we love Him and we are called and willing to do so. Yet, so often He does reward our faithfulness.
Later that night as I was dwelling on what it meant to trust Jesus, I picked up reading again and was joyfully brought to this verse:
"For since by a man came death, by a man also came the resurrection of the dead. For as in Adam all die, so also in Christ all will be made alive." -1 Corinthians 15:21-22
The Son of Man... that's where I hadn't taken that thought yet-- all the way back to the beginning to why we needed Christ to begin with. Jesus is heading toward His death (and our salvation) in John 12 and therefor takes the time to remind the crowd that He is fully man. Why? Because it is because of a man that we have need of salvation (because of the story of Adam and Eve, the initial separation of God and man). Since this is the case, God uses a man to bring it full circle. Jesus is the melting and unifying of God and man-- He could have done it no other way than by being both. That is what the man in the crowd needed to remember. That is what we need to remember also. He is able to unify God and man by literally embodying both. This picture in John 12 is Him speaking to how he is both and is about to put that unification on display.
God and man are unified not just through Christ, but literally in Christ.
This could bring a whole new meaning to the thought that in Christ we are a new creation. (2 Cor. 5:17) Yes, literally in Christ is a new creation because Christ was unlike any other ever created-- fully God and fully man, a literal indwelling of the Spirit. Because of such, we are invited also to be a new creation as the literal God comes inside of us. Our bodies are the temple. We, too, are now fully God and fully man, in a sense. We too are filled with the Spirit because Christ is able. Of course i was relevant that Jesus reminded the people He was the Son of Man-- if He had just been God there would be no hope of glory for the rest of us. Because He is fully man, through His death we can become a new creation.
Talk about grace. Talk about love.
Romans 5:17 says:
"For if, by the trespass of the one man, death reigned through that one man, how much more will those who receive God’s abundant provision of grace and of the gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ!"
It is through one man that we found ourselves in need of salvation, and it is through one Man that we find ourselves delivered. It seems hard to believe that Christmas is three days away. I'm challenging myself to remember that this is why He came. The fact that our Savior came in the form of a baby-- the weakest thing of all-- humbles me so much. Let's rejoice in that fact together and spend some time thanking Him for being fully God and fully man so that we could be united.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
learning to trust
There's nothing quite like watching Aladdin on a rainy day with a cup of coffee and a sweet boy. I've been blessed enough to get to have Daniel here with me for a few days and it's been great as always. Have I mentioned how grateful I am for a boyfriend who makes me laugh? And how much more grateful I am for one who spends time in the Word each morning and passionately pursues Christ each day? Yeah. Check out this sweet pic of our gingerbread house we made last night. It's a classy place ;)
The prompt: What did you learn?
I don't even have the slightest idea where to begin answering that question. Honestly? I am a wholly different person than I was this time last year because of all I have learned. God has taught me much this year, through my time spent alone with Him, through my small group, through camp, through Daniel, through family, through roommates, through worship... Through the loud moments and the quiet, I believe that there's probably always something to learn, either about the character of God or about who I am in response to that.
Earlier today we picked up a book in Barnes and Noble. It was discussing the topic of "dumb things that smart Christians believe" and one of them was that all things happen for a reason. Now, I didn't read the book and I don't know exactly what point the author was making, but from what I know and have experienced, I stand by that the author might just be wrong. Everything that happens, good or bad, God works for His glory. We have something to learn in each thing we experience. So often we glaze right over it. We take things with a grain of salt and don't realize the Lord at work.
In the spirit of living with that in mind, I've learned much in the expanse of a year. If ever I get to a point where I've stopped learning, then we have a problem. This morning I continued my very slow trek through John. I've been in chapter twelve for a few days now and the Lord is speaking incredible things to me through it. This morning I got caught up here:
23 Jesus replied, “The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. 24 Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. 25 Anyone who loves their life will lose it, while anyone who hates their life in this world will keep it for eternal life. 26 Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me.
27 “Now my soul is troubled, and what shall I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour’? No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour. 28 Father, glorify your name!”
Then a voice came from heaven, “I have glorified it, and will glorify it again.” 29 The crowd that was there and heard it said it had thundered; others said an angel had spoken to him.
30 Jesus said, “This voice was for your benefit, not mine. 31 Now is the time for judgment on this world; now the prince of this world will be driven out. 32 And I, when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all people to myself.” 33 He said this to show the kind of death he was going to die.
34 The crowd spoke up, “We have heard from the Law that the Messiah will remain forever, so how can you say, ‘The Son of Man must be lifted up’? Who is this ‘Son of Man’?”
35 Then Jesus told them, “You are going to have the light just a little while longer. Walk while you have the light, before darkness overtakes you. Whoever walks in the dark does not know where they are going. 36 Believe in the light while you have the light, so that you may become children of light.” When he had finished speaking, Jesus left and hid himself from them.
I'm not sure I can articulate everything I've thought and learned here without it taking me an hour, but this passage is all very connected to the rest of the chapter. For the sake of my point here, though, I'll focus on this thought: In reading this this morning, I put myself in the place of the man in the crowd and began to ask questions. (That's how we learn, right?) The man here is confused at why Jesus earlier in the chapter says that it is time for the Son of Man to be glorified. I see the guy's point here-- "Jesus, you've done all these miracles and crazy things and are claiming to be the Messiah, the son of God... what do you mean you're the son of Man?"
I get that this is really hard concept for him to grasp. Jesus is reminding Him here that yes, He is the son of God, the chosen one, but He is also fully man. Fully man, fully God. That's hard for me to even grasp now. I asked that question and began to plow through the idea of what changed when the Father glorified the Son. I thought through a lot of tough questions from this passage and began to feel a lot like the man in the crowd-- that I was thinking in circles, pulling Scripture from everywhere, and still landed just a little frustrated that I cannot fully grasp exactly what Jesus is saying here. Ever feel like that? What I find interesting is that when the man asks Jesus about His claim to be the Son of Man, Jesus' response is this: I'm the light which guides. At this point I wonder if the guy was a little frustrated. He's clearly thinking deeply and seeking answers and not coming up with a whole lot of clarity-- the same place I was this morning and the same place I find myself often. So often we just want to understand fully... Striving to know more and to understand, but living perpetually in the fact that we are never intended to grasp it all. But just as I turned to the very last page in my journal and continued to write about this thought, Jesus' words became more clear. Believe in the light while you have the light, so that you may become children of the light. What that boils down to for me is this:
Just trust me.
Sometimes faith and knowledge can collide. The guy in the crowd couldn't grasp all the answers that He wanted and while Jesus honors his desire to understand and learn more, His echoing message back to the guy was "for now, just trust me. That is how you become a child of God." The same is true for us. I was searching for greater significance in Jesus's words (as we should) and He reminded me yet again that sometimes our learning is best boiled down to us simply trusting Him. That's big in my life right now. Each thing He has taught me this year and each thing He will continue to show us always comes back to a greater understanding of who He is and how we are simply called to trust Him, even when we don't understand or we cannot see down the road ahead of us. That's a little piece of what I've learned today and a large piece of what I've learned as I've grown deeper with Christ in my lifetime.
There is always much to learn. There is always much reason to trust.
The prompt: What did you learn?
I don't even have the slightest idea where to begin answering that question. Honestly? I am a wholly different person than I was this time last year because of all I have learned. God has taught me much this year, through my time spent alone with Him, through my small group, through camp, through Daniel, through family, through roommates, through worship... Through the loud moments and the quiet, I believe that there's probably always something to learn, either about the character of God or about who I am in response to that.
Earlier today we picked up a book in Barnes and Noble. It was discussing the topic of "dumb things that smart Christians believe" and one of them was that all things happen for a reason. Now, I didn't read the book and I don't know exactly what point the author was making, but from what I know and have experienced, I stand by that the author might just be wrong. Everything that happens, good or bad, God works for His glory. We have something to learn in each thing we experience. So often we glaze right over it. We take things with a grain of salt and don't realize the Lord at work.
In the spirit of living with that in mind, I've learned much in the expanse of a year. If ever I get to a point where I've stopped learning, then we have a problem. This morning I continued my very slow trek through John. I've been in chapter twelve for a few days now and the Lord is speaking incredible things to me through it. This morning I got caught up here:
23 Jesus replied, “The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. 24 Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. 25 Anyone who loves their life will lose it, while anyone who hates their life in this world will keep it for eternal life. 26 Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me.
27 “Now my soul is troubled, and what shall I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour’? No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour. 28 Father, glorify your name!”
Then a voice came from heaven, “I have glorified it, and will glorify it again.” 29 The crowd that was there and heard it said it had thundered; others said an angel had spoken to him.
30 Jesus said, “This voice was for your benefit, not mine. 31 Now is the time for judgment on this world; now the prince of this world will be driven out. 32 And I, when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all people to myself.” 33 He said this to show the kind of death he was going to die.
34 The crowd spoke up, “We have heard from the Law that the Messiah will remain forever, so how can you say, ‘The Son of Man must be lifted up’? Who is this ‘Son of Man’?”
35 Then Jesus told them, “You are going to have the light just a little while longer. Walk while you have the light, before darkness overtakes you. Whoever walks in the dark does not know where they are going. 36 Believe in the light while you have the light, so that you may become children of light.” When he had finished speaking, Jesus left and hid himself from them.
I'm not sure I can articulate everything I've thought and learned here without it taking me an hour, but this passage is all very connected to the rest of the chapter. For the sake of my point here, though, I'll focus on this thought: In reading this this morning, I put myself in the place of the man in the crowd and began to ask questions. (That's how we learn, right?) The man here is confused at why Jesus earlier in the chapter says that it is time for the Son of Man to be glorified. I see the guy's point here-- "Jesus, you've done all these miracles and crazy things and are claiming to be the Messiah, the son of God... what do you mean you're the son of Man?"
I get that this is really hard concept for him to grasp. Jesus is reminding Him here that yes, He is the son of God, the chosen one, but He is also fully man. Fully man, fully God. That's hard for me to even grasp now. I asked that question and began to plow through the idea of what changed when the Father glorified the Son. I thought through a lot of tough questions from this passage and began to feel a lot like the man in the crowd-- that I was thinking in circles, pulling Scripture from everywhere, and still landed just a little frustrated that I cannot fully grasp exactly what Jesus is saying here. Ever feel like that? What I find interesting is that when the man asks Jesus about His claim to be the Son of Man, Jesus' response is this: I'm the light which guides. At this point I wonder if the guy was a little frustrated. He's clearly thinking deeply and seeking answers and not coming up with a whole lot of clarity-- the same place I was this morning and the same place I find myself often. So often we just want to understand fully... Striving to know more and to understand, but living perpetually in the fact that we are never intended to grasp it all. But just as I turned to the very last page in my journal and continued to write about this thought, Jesus' words became more clear. Believe in the light while you have the light, so that you may become children of the light. What that boils down to for me is this:
Just trust me.
Sometimes faith and knowledge can collide. The guy in the crowd couldn't grasp all the answers that He wanted and while Jesus honors his desire to understand and learn more, His echoing message back to the guy was "for now, just trust me. That is how you become a child of God." The same is true for us. I was searching for greater significance in Jesus's words (as we should) and He reminded me yet again that sometimes our learning is best boiled down to us simply trusting Him. That's big in my life right now. Each thing He has taught me this year and each thing He will continue to show us always comes back to a greater understanding of who He is and how we are simply called to trust Him, even when we don't understand or we cannot see down the road ahead of us. That's a little piece of what I've learned today and a large piece of what I've learned as I've grown deeper with Christ in my lifetime.
There is always much to learn. There is always much reason to trust.
Friday, December 16, 2011
surprise
I'm officially home now for Christmas and therefor plan to start back every day with #reverb11, although it will definitely take me a few days to catch up. Today has been crazy for me-- I packed up as many of my belongings as physically possible and moved out of the apartment I have spent the past three years in. I'll be back-- that much is sure, but I drove away today knowing full well that it would never be the same again. Throughout my life I've had a lot of great friends, but rarely any to the level of my college roommates. They will forever be my sisters and while God is calling me to great things right now, I'd give anything to pack them in my backpack and take them with me. Did I cry on the way home? Only a little. It's nice to be home, but it won't be long before I miss it fiercely...
On a side note, I like writing from home. I'm currently writing while all curled up in my bed with a sleeping, snuggly little puppy. That sounds so idealistic-- let me rephrase: Finally. A finally sleeping puppy. Today I was reminded how not ready for parenthood I am...
The prompt: Who surprised you?
If you know me, it's about to be completely obvious what I'm going to say. In fact, it's going to be so obvious that I'm almost hesitant to tell the story again... but it was the first thing that I thought of. This might not be the most inspiring blog post you've ever read, but if you're a sucker for a good story then hang on because I have one for you. I've alluded to it a lot of times before, but I'm not sure I've ever written it all out.
See, I love to be surprised. Love it. But generally it isn't the easiest thing to do and throughout the course of my life I feel I've somehow figured out the majority of my surprises beforehand. It's rarely intentional but I blame it largely on two things: my vivid imagination and the fact that my mom is the worst at keeping secrets. I mean, come on... she once threw me a surprise breakfast party for my birthday but got out all the muffin tins, platters, and pitchers the night before. So silly.
You can imagine my surprise, then, when literally almost everyone I know kept a secret from me for well over a month without my having even the slightest suspicion.
I hadn't been home from college in months, literally months, and was just about ready to explode to just be home for a weekend. Our girlfriend, Chelsea, was coming into town for the weekend and as much as I love her, I'd decided that I was so ready to be home that I was willing to miss the weekend with the girls. Besides, Season was going to be out of town that weekend anyway and if she could be gone, I could too, right?
So I called my mom who, in far from her normal state when hearing I was coming home, insisted that it was a bad weekend and she wouldn't have much time to hang out with me. ...What? But I was going to go anyway until my best friend, Season, took me to lunch early in the week. As we sat on the patio of Chickfila, Season did the most uncharacteristic thing I've ever seen her do, even to this day. She looked me in the eyes and told me I was being selfish for going home when Chelsea was coming to visit. Was I surprised? Absolutely. Was I caught off guard? Definitely. Was I a little offended? Maybe. Did it work? Yeah...
I'm easily guilted so I decided to stay.
Fast forward a few days to Friday, when I'm still a little bummed that I wasn't going to get to go home. To cheer myself up, I spent a few hours that morning sitting on my back porch talking on the phone to a boy who I was really beginning to like. And I was pretty sure he might like me too. The problem was that he lived eight hours away from me and while we'd talked about him coming to visit sometime, it was clear that our schedules were both just too busy and it wasn't going to happen. We wouldn't see each other again until summer time. So he told me that morning all about the weather, about his morning trip to Barnes and Noble, and about eating Chickfila for lunch. My roommates could always tell by the look on my face that I'd been on the phone with him and at least hearing his voice was a bright spot in my day. Still always is.
So evening rolled around and if I can be honest, I was in an obscenely bad mood. We'd gone to Home Depot to get new blinds for the living room (ours broke, like most things in Pineview) and gone for a random walk around the neighborhood, and then it was decided that we'd all get dressed up and go out to dinner. Something to understand about me is that when I get ready to go somewhere, I'm ready to go. I begrudgingly changed out of my jeans (I was told I looked bad. I liked my outfit...) and we sat around for about two hours with everyone getting frustrated that not everyone was ready and no one could agree at ALL on where we were going to eat. I'm actually getting a little stressed just remembering the tension in the room. It was so bad that I sent Daniel a text that my roommates were driving me crazy (something that never happens) and took him up on his fake offer to come punch them all for me, followed by his text: "Okay, I'll be there in twenty minutes."
About twenty minutes later in the midst of all the crazy and all the frustration, someone bangs loudly on the door. Really loudly.
Patrick. It has to be Patrick. It's always Patrick.
A good Southern lady might have politely opened the door and greeted our visitor. A polite person would have least walked to the door and opened it. But what did I do? With every bit of pent-up frustration I yelled "Come in" in a very, very angry voice.
I wasn't Patty.
It actually wasn't anybody I expected it to be... it was more like the last person I ever expected it to be. I did the world's biggest double-take and literally had no idea how to react. To this day, Daniel will tell you that I yelled at him. Maybe I did, it's all kind of a blur to me. In my mind it was more of a surprised "What are you doing here?" than a yell but whichever :) All I really remember is hugging a cute boy in a plaid shirt at my front door and him melting me with a smile and saying to me "All of this? This was for you. You're not going out with them, you're going out with me." What followed was the greatest first date I could've ever dreamed of and a great weekend of coffee, scrabble, a wedding, a roadtrip, waterfalls, pictures, and some unbelievable time of worship.
It took me a long time to grasp that weekend what was really happening, partially because it was all too good to be true and partially because I was still trying to piece together everything. For over a month, this boy had been plotting with my roommates to come and take me to dinner. Suddenly it all made more sense-- my mom, Season calling me selfish, the insistence that I dress up, the new blinds in the living room (I tend to watch our driveway like Mrs. Kravitz...), the stalling for time, the time Anna made me take a "what's your favorite flower" quiz... Hindsight is 20/20.
I was literally speechless that day. Not just anybody can surprise me, but that day Daniel surprised me in a way I couldn't have even dreamed of. He continues to do that. I remember that next Sunday morning at church Spencer looked at me and knew something was up by the look on my face. Months and months later he told me that look on my face hadn't changed. What more can I say?
I'll leave my sappy story with the video that Julie took of the moment he came through the door. She missed the beginning of it, but it's okay. She also cut the camera off before she finished the line "You have no idea how difficult you are to surprise." Just listen for yourself and see how she really feels ;)
On a side note, I like writing from home. I'm currently writing while all curled up in my bed with a sleeping, snuggly little puppy. That sounds so idealistic-- let me rephrase: Finally. A finally sleeping puppy. Today I was reminded how not ready for parenthood I am...
The prompt: Who surprised you?
If you know me, it's about to be completely obvious what I'm going to say. In fact, it's going to be so obvious that I'm almost hesitant to tell the story again... but it was the first thing that I thought of. This might not be the most inspiring blog post you've ever read, but if you're a sucker for a good story then hang on because I have one for you. I've alluded to it a lot of times before, but I'm not sure I've ever written it all out.
See, I love to be surprised. Love it. But generally it isn't the easiest thing to do and throughout the course of my life I feel I've somehow figured out the majority of my surprises beforehand. It's rarely intentional but I blame it largely on two things: my vivid imagination and the fact that my mom is the worst at keeping secrets. I mean, come on... she once threw me a surprise breakfast party for my birthday but got out all the muffin tins, platters, and pitchers the night before. So silly.
You can imagine my surprise, then, when literally almost everyone I know kept a secret from me for well over a month without my having even the slightest suspicion.
I hadn't been home from college in months, literally months, and was just about ready to explode to just be home for a weekend. Our girlfriend, Chelsea, was coming into town for the weekend and as much as I love her, I'd decided that I was so ready to be home that I was willing to miss the weekend with the girls. Besides, Season was going to be out of town that weekend anyway and if she could be gone, I could too, right?
So I called my mom who, in far from her normal state when hearing I was coming home, insisted that it was a bad weekend and she wouldn't have much time to hang out with me. ...What? But I was going to go anyway until my best friend, Season, took me to lunch early in the week. As we sat on the patio of Chickfila, Season did the most uncharacteristic thing I've ever seen her do, even to this day. She looked me in the eyes and told me I was being selfish for going home when Chelsea was coming to visit. Was I surprised? Absolutely. Was I caught off guard? Definitely. Was I a little offended? Maybe. Did it work? Yeah...
I'm easily guilted so I decided to stay.
Fast forward a few days to Friday, when I'm still a little bummed that I wasn't going to get to go home. To cheer myself up, I spent a few hours that morning sitting on my back porch talking on the phone to a boy who I was really beginning to like. And I was pretty sure he might like me too. The problem was that he lived eight hours away from me and while we'd talked about him coming to visit sometime, it was clear that our schedules were both just too busy and it wasn't going to happen. We wouldn't see each other again until summer time. So he told me that morning all about the weather, about his morning trip to Barnes and Noble, and about eating Chickfila for lunch. My roommates could always tell by the look on my face that I'd been on the phone with him and at least hearing his voice was a bright spot in my day. Still always is.
So evening rolled around and if I can be honest, I was in an obscenely bad mood. We'd gone to Home Depot to get new blinds for the living room (ours broke, like most things in Pineview) and gone for a random walk around the neighborhood, and then it was decided that we'd all get dressed up and go out to dinner. Something to understand about me is that when I get ready to go somewhere, I'm ready to go. I begrudgingly changed out of my jeans (I was told I looked bad. I liked my outfit...) and we sat around for about two hours with everyone getting frustrated that not everyone was ready and no one could agree at ALL on where we were going to eat. I'm actually getting a little stressed just remembering the tension in the room. It was so bad that I sent Daniel a text that my roommates were driving me crazy (something that never happens) and took him up on his fake offer to come punch them all for me, followed by his text: "Okay, I'll be there in twenty minutes."
About twenty minutes later in the midst of all the crazy and all the frustration, someone bangs loudly on the door. Really loudly.
Patrick. It has to be Patrick. It's always Patrick.
A good Southern lady might have politely opened the door and greeted our visitor. A polite person would have least walked to the door and opened it. But what did I do? With every bit of pent-up frustration I yelled "Come in" in a very, very angry voice.
I wasn't Patty.
It actually wasn't anybody I expected it to be... it was more like the last person I ever expected it to be. I did the world's biggest double-take and literally had no idea how to react. To this day, Daniel will tell you that I yelled at him. Maybe I did, it's all kind of a blur to me. In my mind it was more of a surprised "What are you doing here?" than a yell but whichever :) All I really remember is hugging a cute boy in a plaid shirt at my front door and him melting me with a smile and saying to me "All of this? This was for you. You're not going out with them, you're going out with me." What followed was the greatest first date I could've ever dreamed of and a great weekend of coffee, scrabble, a wedding, a roadtrip, waterfalls, pictures, and some unbelievable time of worship.
It took me a long time to grasp that weekend what was really happening, partially because it was all too good to be true and partially because I was still trying to piece together everything. For over a month, this boy had been plotting with my roommates to come and take me to dinner. Suddenly it all made more sense-- my mom, Season calling me selfish, the insistence that I dress up, the new blinds in the living room (I tend to watch our driveway like Mrs. Kravitz...), the stalling for time, the time Anna made me take a "what's your favorite flower" quiz... Hindsight is 20/20.
I was literally speechless that day. Not just anybody can surprise me, but that day Daniel surprised me in a way I couldn't have even dreamed of. He continues to do that. I remember that next Sunday morning at church Spencer looked at me and knew something was up by the look on my face. Months and months later he told me that look on my face hadn't changed. What more can I say?
I'll leave my sappy story with the video that Julie took of the moment he came through the door. She missed the beginning of it, but it's okay. She also cut the camera off before she finished the line "You have no idea how difficult you are to surprise." Just listen for yourself and see how she really feels ;)
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
resounding questions
I promise I have not entirely given up on blogging for the month of December but things have just been so crazy around here the past few days. I spent most of today hanging out with people and packing/organizing. Today we found some seriously moldy bread and I had the realization that I have not one, but two tripods under my bed. I'd call that slightly unnecessary. Other things we found included a basketball, a small christmas tree, and several books that the bookstore refused to buy back from me. Bummer.
I'm still so far behind on Reverb but I'll answer one question tonight in hopes of not falling further behind. I'm sure it'll be a short one as we're watching a movie right now by the light of our newly located small Christmas tree. So festive. :)
The prompt: What questions did you ask?
I think that over and over again, the biggest question I asked consistently this year was: "...What??"
See, that's the way I feel sometimes when I hear the Lord speak or when He begins to do something in my life. Sometimes I ask in confusion, sometimes in doubt... sometimes it manifests itself into the question "Is this real life?", but generally it all boils back down to "...what?". I asked that question with excitement when I first found out I'd get to be Assistant Director. I asked it with sincere, surprised confusion when I was asked to direct. I asked it with disbelief when I began to realize Daniel liked me. I asked it in hopes of direction when I was offered this internship in Mississippi. I asked it countless time when ridiculous things would happen over the summer. I ask it daily at the craziness that happens in our apartment. I even asked it with excited confusion when the 8 inches of snow began to fall last January.
I think we all ask this question. We ask the question in hopes that we will gain clarity and sometimes in hopes that the Lord will just comply to our timeline and tell us what's going on. I'm often so desperate to just know the future or to have the Lord speak to me in the way that I can understand without a shadow of a doubt. Sometimes He does just that, but often times the reason He doesn't is because it's the unknown that causes us to rely fully on Him. If I could write my own ending to my story, I'd like to think that I know bits and pieces of what I would include. But the beautiful truth is that the Lord knows our hearts so much better than even we do. I believe that is why He let's me ask "what?". All throughout scripture Jesus speaks in parables and tales that leave His followers begging for clarity. Often times, however, the answer is as simple as what it right in front of them. That's the way it's been in my life this year too.
I've found that all year if my question has been a continual "what?", His answer has always been a resounding "Believe.". That's really all there is to it. Believe. Trust Him. Have faith in what He is doing and continue to seek His voice. He'll tell you-- He'll provide direction and clarity all in due time. That's what the answer boiled down to in most of Jesus' parables as well. They are often the simple call to just believe and trust Him with faith like a child. I wonder if I will ever cease to need that reminder.
I'll pick back up on the blogging very soon, but right now I'm struggling to concentrate as this movie unfolds in the background. Maybe tomorrow? Definitely soon.
I'm still so far behind on Reverb but I'll answer one question tonight in hopes of not falling further behind. I'm sure it'll be a short one as we're watching a movie right now by the light of our newly located small Christmas tree. So festive. :)
The prompt: What questions did you ask?
I think that over and over again, the biggest question I asked consistently this year was: "...What??"
See, that's the way I feel sometimes when I hear the Lord speak or when He begins to do something in my life. Sometimes I ask in confusion, sometimes in doubt... sometimes it manifests itself into the question "Is this real life?", but generally it all boils back down to "...what?". I asked that question with excitement when I first found out I'd get to be Assistant Director. I asked it with sincere, surprised confusion when I was asked to direct. I asked it with disbelief when I began to realize Daniel liked me. I asked it in hopes of direction when I was offered this internship in Mississippi. I asked it countless time when ridiculous things would happen over the summer. I ask it daily at the craziness that happens in our apartment. I even asked it with excited confusion when the 8 inches of snow began to fall last January.
I think we all ask this question. We ask the question in hopes that we will gain clarity and sometimes in hopes that the Lord will just comply to our timeline and tell us what's going on. I'm often so desperate to just know the future or to have the Lord speak to me in the way that I can understand without a shadow of a doubt. Sometimes He does just that, but often times the reason He doesn't is because it's the unknown that causes us to rely fully on Him. If I could write my own ending to my story, I'd like to think that I know bits and pieces of what I would include. But the beautiful truth is that the Lord knows our hearts so much better than even we do. I believe that is why He let's me ask "what?". All throughout scripture Jesus speaks in parables and tales that leave His followers begging for clarity. Often times, however, the answer is as simple as what it right in front of them. That's the way it's been in my life this year too.
I've found that all year if my question has been a continual "what?", His answer has always been a resounding "Believe.". That's really all there is to it. Believe. Trust Him. Have faith in what He is doing and continue to seek His voice. He'll tell you-- He'll provide direction and clarity all in due time. That's what the answer boiled down to in most of Jesus' parables as well. They are often the simple call to just believe and trust Him with faith like a child. I wonder if I will ever cease to need that reminder.
I'll pick back up on the blogging very soon, but right now I'm struggling to concentrate as this movie unfolds in the background. Maybe tomorrow? Definitely soon.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
in His hands
I have been very behind on these reverb posts lately but only because we've just been having too much fun around here to stop and write. Athens is always the most fun during finals, partially because no one has class and partially because everyone gets a little stir crazy. The fact is that I'd rather be making memories than reflecting on them, but here in the quiet of the Sunday afternoon I'll stop my packing and boxing things in hopes of catching up a little bit.
I liked these prompts so I'm going to try and hit them one at a time, even if it takes me a little bit longer.
The prompt: When were you scared?
I don't get scared too often... but I admit that sometimes it doesn't take a whole lot.
Every now and then I'm afraid when I'm the only one home in our apartment at night time. Heights kind of scare me. I got scared when Daniel and I drove up a steep mountain in the rain. I got a little scared the night CK3 played murder in the dark in the condemned part of the auditorium after midnight. Sometimes I'm a little scared going to the doctor. I get really scared if I miss an assignment at school. I get scared on the rare occasion I have to drive in the snow. Traffic scares me. I was terrified driving up a curvy mountain in he dark. I got scared the time Adam told me my car got towed... it didn't. If you jump out from behind something, I guarantee I will scream. I don't watch scary movies and I don't do haunted houses.
But sometimes big, life things scare me too.
I get a little scared when things change or when I have no idea where I'm going. Big decisions can terrify me. I'll admit that I'm scared right now-- scared of moving away and leaving everything behind. Sometimes I get scared when I know the Lord is calling me to big things. I get scared when I know He wants me to talk to someone or if He's calling me to do something out of my comfort zone. I think we all do.
We are each called to live in fear of the Lord. It took me a long time to begin to understand what that means (I probably still haven't grasped it fully.) I remember asking my Dnow leader as an 8th grader why it was that God wanted us to be afraid of Him. I'm pretty sure I probably let out a big sigh of relief when I learned that that isn't actually what that means. See, God doesn't call me to be scared of Him, even though He could have every right to do so. He is all power-- He could do whatever He wanted to, but He loves us and therefore we have nothing to be afraid of, no matter how many times we mess up. No, being in fear of the Lord looks a lot more like respect. I think some days I tend to forget that He is the holy, perfect God who's Glory blinded people in the Old Testament. I tend to boil Him down to a helpful friend (which He is) and not approach Him with quite as much fear as He deserves.
He is the God of peace, and therefore we have nothing in life to be afraid of. Yes, He calls us outside of our comfort zones. Sometimes He leaves us in places that make us feel as though we've got literally nothing left to grab hold of but our faith. But ultimately we can rest in the fact that He promises us continually that He has plans for our good. He lets us lie down in green pastures beside streams. He gives us rest, He hears us when we call out to Him, and He never lets us escape from the palm of His hand.
Several years ago I was on a mission trip to the Czech Republic and one afternoon when we were spent and everything seemed to be going wrong, a friend and I began to sing these words together:
I liked these prompts so I'm going to try and hit them one at a time, even if it takes me a little bit longer.
The prompt: When were you scared?
I don't get scared too often... but I admit that sometimes it doesn't take a whole lot.
Every now and then I'm afraid when I'm the only one home in our apartment at night time. Heights kind of scare me. I got scared when Daniel and I drove up a steep mountain in the rain. I got a little scared the night CK3 played murder in the dark in the condemned part of the auditorium after midnight. Sometimes I'm a little scared going to the doctor. I get really scared if I miss an assignment at school. I get scared on the rare occasion I have to drive in the snow. Traffic scares me. I was terrified driving up a curvy mountain in he dark. I got scared the time Adam told me my car got towed... it didn't. If you jump out from behind something, I guarantee I will scream. I don't watch scary movies and I don't do haunted houses.
But sometimes big, life things scare me too.
I get a little scared when things change or when I have no idea where I'm going. Big decisions can terrify me. I'll admit that I'm scared right now-- scared of moving away and leaving everything behind. Sometimes I get scared when I know the Lord is calling me to big things. I get scared when I know He wants me to talk to someone or if He's calling me to do something out of my comfort zone. I think we all do.
We are each called to live in fear of the Lord. It took me a long time to begin to understand what that means (I probably still haven't grasped it fully.) I remember asking my Dnow leader as an 8th grader why it was that God wanted us to be afraid of Him. I'm pretty sure I probably let out a big sigh of relief when I learned that that isn't actually what that means. See, God doesn't call me to be scared of Him, even though He could have every right to do so. He is all power-- He could do whatever He wanted to, but He loves us and therefore we have nothing to be afraid of, no matter how many times we mess up. No, being in fear of the Lord looks a lot more like respect. I think some days I tend to forget that He is the holy, perfect God who's Glory blinded people in the Old Testament. I tend to boil Him down to a helpful friend (which He is) and not approach Him with quite as much fear as He deserves.
He is the God of peace, and therefore we have nothing in life to be afraid of. Yes, He calls us outside of our comfort zones. Sometimes He leaves us in places that make us feel as though we've got literally nothing left to grab hold of but our faith. But ultimately we can rest in the fact that He promises us continually that He has plans for our good. He lets us lie down in green pastures beside streams. He gives us rest, He hears us when we call out to Him, and He never lets us escape from the palm of His hand.
Several years ago I was on a mission trip to the Czech Republic and one afternoon when we were spent and everything seemed to be going wrong, a friend and I began to sing these words together:
He's got the whole world in His hands...
Everybody likely remembers this little song from Sunday school as a child and as we began to sing it that hot afternoon in Europe, it began to speak truth to the both of us. We started changing the words and inserting the things that were scaring us or stressing us out. (He's got missing the bus in His hands... He's got no more water in His hands... whatever it might be.) And as we sang it, we began to find such peace in the things that were out of our control with the simple reminder that God was working them for His purpose. Some days when it's all too much to handle, I still find myself doing this as an act of handing these things over to the Lord. He has them in His hands. Why in the world would we be afraid of them?
Fear is something that can be controlling to us if we do not hand it over to the Lord. It's rarely beneficial and almost always exhausting. What is it that you're afraid of that God is calling you to let go of? I'm going to go think about that for a while and then keep catching up on the prompts. Until then, friends!
Thursday, December 8, 2011
spend
I'm writing tonight from the warmth of a living room filled with friends. Everyone is "studying" and I just made cinnamon rolls... something I've been craving for weeks now. Glad I finally took care of that one.
I have to confess that tonight's #reverb11 prompt might be my least favorite one on the entire list. I don't like to talk about money. Why? I'm not sure, I just don't. I'll probably take a little twist on this one:
The prompt: Where did you spend money?
The number one thing that I am willing to spend money on is (gas and) food. And by that I don't mean that I like to eat pricy food, but rather that I am almost always willing to pay for a meal if it means getting to go out to eat with people. There's something about eating together that brings such great fellowship. Hey, even Jesus did that, right? ;)
I'll also admit to the fact that I'm the type of person that will sometimes spend small amounts of money to reward myself. Chickfila sweet tea after a long day, a pretty necklace after a week of tough tests, a new book because it's... Tuesday?... you know, that type of thing. But above that, I enjoy spending money if it means getting to do something sweet either for someone or with someone.
I read Ann Voskamp's blog post the other day about her four year old son asking her this question one night as she turned off the lights to put him to bed: "Mommy, what does Jesus get for his birthday?" She described with such grace the impact of that question, the faith of that child, and how years later, her family still chooses to spend their money at Christmas time not on presents for one another, but on Jesus' desire for us to take care of the widows and orphans. I think it's beautiful. I love that their entire family is on board with that together and the way they find such joy in sharing what they've been given.
I've been given a lot in my life in a lot of different ways. Luke 12:48 tells us that to whom much has been given, much is also required. We are called to live with open hands, recognizing that nothing we have is really ours anyway (and that includes our money). I pray that the Lord would continue to open my eyes to the ways He would have me to give of myself-- my time, my resources, my wisdom, whatever it may be.
I wish I could write more, but we've started another movie (it miiight be the fifth one today. love finals week.) and I simply can't concentrate anymore. Part of giving of myself means soaking in as much time with the people around me as I can right now, so I'm going to go do that.
Enjoy the short blog post for today, friends ;)
I'll close tonight with my only picture from our trip to the mountains. We really did study a lot. Surprised? I am.
I have to confess that tonight's #reverb11 prompt might be my least favorite one on the entire list. I don't like to talk about money. Why? I'm not sure, I just don't. I'll probably take a little twist on this one:
The prompt: Where did you spend money?
The number one thing that I am willing to spend money on is (gas and) food. And by that I don't mean that I like to eat pricy food, but rather that I am almost always willing to pay for a meal if it means getting to go out to eat with people. There's something about eating together that brings such great fellowship. Hey, even Jesus did that, right? ;)
I'll also admit to the fact that I'm the type of person that will sometimes spend small amounts of money to reward myself. Chickfila sweet tea after a long day, a pretty necklace after a week of tough tests, a new book because it's... Tuesday?... you know, that type of thing. But above that, I enjoy spending money if it means getting to do something sweet either for someone or with someone.
I read Ann Voskamp's blog post the other day about her four year old son asking her this question one night as she turned off the lights to put him to bed: "Mommy, what does Jesus get for his birthday?" She described with such grace the impact of that question, the faith of that child, and how years later, her family still chooses to spend their money at Christmas time not on presents for one another, but on Jesus' desire for us to take care of the widows and orphans. I think it's beautiful. I love that their entire family is on board with that together and the way they find such joy in sharing what they've been given.
I've been given a lot in my life in a lot of different ways. Luke 12:48 tells us that to whom much has been given, much is also required. We are called to live with open hands, recognizing that nothing we have is really ours anyway (and that includes our money). I pray that the Lord would continue to open my eyes to the ways He would have me to give of myself-- my time, my resources, my wisdom, whatever it may be.
I wish I could write more, but we've started another movie (it miiight be the fifth one today. love finals week.) and I simply can't concentrate anymore. Part of giving of myself means soaking in as much time with the people around me as I can right now, so I'm going to go do that.
Enjoy the short blog post for today, friends ;)
I'll close tonight with my only picture from our trip to the mountains. We really did study a lot. Surprised? I am.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
remember
Here's a weird confession for you: sometimes Reverb prompts make me feel a little bit like I'm dying.
I get that the point is to reflect back on the previous year, but I think this is a little harder for me than in years past because of the fact that so much is about to change and I don't get to return to this same place and time for another year of college. There are exciting adventures ahead but all this reflecting might be making me a little sad...
The prompt: What do you hope to remember?
Here's the thing: I want to remember everything about this past year.
I want to remember the time we got snowed in our apartment for an entire week.
I want to remember every silly song Anna has sung to me.
I want to remember every detail of the day I got a cupcake smushed in my face on the way home from Huntsville.
I want to remember the sweet faces of the kiddos I got to be with at camp this past year.
I want to remember the stories of how God moved in those kids lives.
I want to remember the day we helped build a house in the flooding rain.
I want to remember laughing and serving the kids in Brewton.
I want to remember how excited they were when we came back to go to a little league game.
I want to remember getting to see BB King, The Civil Wars, Dave Barnes, Ben Rector, NeedtoBreathe...
I want to remember the beautiful nights of worship at BCM as we walked through John.
I want to remember game nights in our apartment.
I want to remember the time we built a fire in the driveway.
I want to remember the time Jackie set fire to a pizza in the oven.
I want to remember New Years eve and everything about the next few days at Passion.
I want to remember going to the mountains with the Teagues for the weekend.
I want to remember all the football games, though I could stand to forget having my picture on the website...
I want to remember Image Night and how the Lord moved through it.
I want to remember my second year of Dinner Theater coordinating, even if I thought it might kill me.
I want to remember the faces and the names of the precious kindergartners in New Orleans.
I want to remember building tents in the living room and watching bad lifetime movies.
I want to remember all the long road trips. A million miles to go.
I want to remember the joy on my grandfather's face every time he got to see me.
I want to remember building a cherpumple with Will-- the frustration and the victory.
I want to remember the time I learned to pick a lock and saved the dog from Season's room.
I want to remember watching the kids at River Hills worship during DNow.
I want to remember the day I had to be the Rec Leader at camp.
I want to remember the time David sat in the ice machine at a sketchy gas station.
I want to remember getting to watch Daniel practice his sermons at training week.
I want to remember the peace the Lord taught me as I read through 1000 Gifts.
I want to remember the days of class that pointed me towards what I want to do with my life.
I want to remember all the quotes and all the giggles that came from 100.
I want to remember the time we stayed up all night to throw the girls a princess party and watch the royal wedding.
I want to remember eating dinner together on the back porch with the Christmas lights.
I want to remember Jackie's graduation party and object dancing together.
I want to remember the Meghan's weddings and how beautiful it was to share in their joys.
I want to remember the time a squirrel got loose in the camp store.
I want to remember the time Mary and I escaped for a day to eat cheese dip and go shopping.
I want to remember eating ice cream in Nashville.
I want to remember dreaming of living overseas.
I want to remember my last days of nannying for a sweet family and taking Isabel to ride her bike in the park.
I want to remember the time my sweet 12 year old told his mom he wanted to come take me to lunch on his day off of school.
I want to remember dancing in the kitchen.
I want to remember going to look at stars at an old abandoned golf course.
I want to remember the days the Lord spoke to me directly, even as I set up Kids Connection at church.
I want to remember the afternoon just hanging out with friends in Winder.
I want to remember the time we got lost in Atlanta going to see Wicked.
I want to remember the time I got a license plate in the mail.
I want to remember Charles Nations, leaping into Blake's arms, and falling off the bed laughing as we watched videos of our silly boys making cake.
I want to remember the time Alex and I made sausage balls at the crack of dawn.
I want to remember the time little miss Spencer and I pushed the fridge in front of the hotel room door in fear.
I want to remember the Savannah ghost tour.
I want to remember late nights of watching Boy Meets World dvds.
I want to remember each of the people that touched my heart, the stories that made me laugh, the butterflies in my stomach, and the places I got to go. I want to remember some of the things I've already forgotten. I want to remember all the Lord has taught me, through the joy and through the difficult situations. I could do this all day, but I have to go.
I'll be impressed if anyone read all the way through that but I enjoyed reminiscing for a few minutes. Until tomorrow, friends!
I get that the point is to reflect back on the previous year, but I think this is a little harder for me than in years past because of the fact that so much is about to change and I don't get to return to this same place and time for another year of college. There are exciting adventures ahead but all this reflecting might be making me a little sad...
The prompt: What do you hope to remember?
Here's the thing: I want to remember everything about this past year.
I want to remember the time we got snowed in our apartment for an entire week.
I want to remember every silly song Anna has sung to me.
I want to remember every detail of the day I got a cupcake smushed in my face on the way home from Huntsville.
I want to remember the sweet faces of the kiddos I got to be with at camp this past year.
I want to remember the stories of how God moved in those kids lives.
I want to remember the day we helped build a house in the flooding rain.
I want to remember laughing and serving the kids in Brewton.
I want to remember how excited they were when we came back to go to a little league game.
I want to remember getting to see BB King, The Civil Wars, Dave Barnes, Ben Rector, NeedtoBreathe...
I want to remember the beautiful nights of worship at BCM as we walked through John.
I want to remember game nights in our apartment.
I want to remember the time we built a fire in the driveway.
I want to remember the time Jackie set fire to a pizza in the oven.
I want to remember New Years eve and everything about the next few days at Passion.
I want to remember going to the mountains with the Teagues for the weekend.
I want to remember all the football games, though I could stand to forget having my picture on the website...
I want to remember Image Night and how the Lord moved through it.
I want to remember my second year of Dinner Theater coordinating, even if I thought it might kill me.
I want to remember the faces and the names of the precious kindergartners in New Orleans.
I want to remember building tents in the living room and watching bad lifetime movies.
I want to remember all the long road trips. A million miles to go.
I want to remember the joy on my grandfather's face every time he got to see me.
I want to remember building a cherpumple with Will-- the frustration and the victory.
I want to remember the time I learned to pick a lock and saved the dog from Season's room.
I want to remember watching the kids at River Hills worship during DNow.
I want to remember the day I had to be the Rec Leader at camp.
I want to remember the time David sat in the ice machine at a sketchy gas station.
I want to remember getting to watch Daniel practice his sermons at training week.
I want to remember the peace the Lord taught me as I read through 1000 Gifts.
I want to remember the days of class that pointed me towards what I want to do with my life.
I want to remember all the quotes and all the giggles that came from 100.
I want to remember the time we stayed up all night to throw the girls a princess party and watch the royal wedding.
I want to remember eating dinner together on the back porch with the Christmas lights.
I want to remember Jackie's graduation party and object dancing together.
I want to remember the Meghan's weddings and how beautiful it was to share in their joys.
I want to remember the time a squirrel got loose in the camp store.
I want to remember the time Mary and I escaped for a day to eat cheese dip and go shopping.
I want to remember eating ice cream in Nashville.
I want to remember dreaming of living overseas.
I want to remember my last days of nannying for a sweet family and taking Isabel to ride her bike in the park.
I want to remember the time my sweet 12 year old told his mom he wanted to come take me to lunch on his day off of school.
I want to remember dancing in the kitchen.
I want to remember going to look at stars at an old abandoned golf course.
I want to remember the days the Lord spoke to me directly, even as I set up Kids Connection at church.
I want to remember the afternoon just hanging out with friends in Winder.
I want to remember the time we got lost in Atlanta going to see Wicked.
I want to remember the time I got a license plate in the mail.
I want to remember Charles Nations, leaping into Blake's arms, and falling off the bed laughing as we watched videos of our silly boys making cake.
I want to remember the time Alex and I made sausage balls at the crack of dawn.
I want to remember the time little miss Spencer and I pushed the fridge in front of the hotel room door in fear.
I want to remember the Savannah ghost tour.
I want to remember late nights of watching Boy Meets World dvds.
I want to remember each of the people that touched my heart, the stories that made me laugh, the butterflies in my stomach, and the places I got to go. I want to remember some of the things I've already forgotten. I want to remember all the Lord has taught me, through the joy and through the difficult situations. I could do this all day, but I have to go.
I'll be impressed if anyone read all the way through that but I enjoyed reminiscing for a few minutes. Until tomorrow, friends!
importance
Hello, friends!
Today has been yet another one of those days that has moved a million miles an hour. The bittersweet news is that today I set foot in a classroom for the very last time in my undergrad career. I have very mixed feelings about that.
I've been thinking a lot about today's #reverb11 prompt and there are quite a few different directions I'd like to take this one all at one time. Please stick with me as I try to piece them all together.
The prompt: Who was important to you?
I had the thought earlier today that I wonder how many times I've spoken the sentence "He teaches high school in Mississippi..."
Two summers ago was my first summer working at camp, and I walked into it a mix of nerves and excitement. I had 32 incredible people on my team, one of whom was a boy that I decided before the summer began that I just didn't want to be friends with. Why? Because he was cute. And I didn't need to let my heart recognize that. Before training week had even ended, a mutual friend told me that he and I would be best friends and I spent the next year laughing that she was right. He was great.
Fast forward a long, long way down the road. Skip over the DNows, the occasional phone calls, the growing friendship that I valued so much... fast forward all of that to one evening as I sat on the couch in my living room, angry at the world and (for maybe the first and only time) so frustrated with my roommates. Someone knocked on my door. That someone drove eight hours to surprise me and take me on our first date. That someone left me speechless that night and continues to do just that day by day.
In the year of 2011, that someone has taken on a whole new role in my life-- one I never even imagined or hoped for. Daniel Allan makes me laugh, pushes me on and encourages me, gives such Godly wisdom and counsel, and melts my heart as he loves on and invests in the kids around him each and every day. The most important thing to me is that he loves the Lord far more than I pray he'll ever even dream of liking me, and the outflow of that is so beautiful. He was important to me. He is important to me.
God has given me some other incredible blessings this past year that are fully worth mentioning as well...
I sat with my roommates tonight in the quiet at sweet tears sobbed warm into the carpet of our living room floor. I'll never stop thanking God for the years of family I have found behind the poorly painted front door of our apartment. We laugh together, weep together, lift one another up, encourage, admonish, dream, dance, sing, and even have the occasional roller derby. I can't put it into words. I've tried before so many times... and in full honesty, I am terrified of leaving that behind. I have mere days left to come home to a family who listens with open arms and that thought terrifies me. This bond isn't something that will ever end, this much I know full well. But I hate the thought of not coming home to the one place I know I can always be fully myself-- broken, whole, pretty, afraid, whatever. I'm beyond grateful. I thank the Lord for sisters. They're the best ones I've got.
My small group has become very important to me this year also. The beauty of it is that each of us is walking hand in hand through the tough decisions that unfortunately come with senior year. Most of us have been together since freshman year and I feel this group has brought it all full circle. I love to hear what Christ teaches each of those girls and I'm going to miss them dearly in the days to come.
My camp team has been important to me. Probably not a day goes by that I don't talk to someone and I'm grateful for the love and the support built in that place.
My family has been important to me. Always. I love watching those relationships grow and change as we all get older. Family are friends just as much as friends can be family. I am grateful for those.
My sweet friend, Karen, has been incredibly important to me. Thank you, Karen, for walking alongside me in quite a journey. We got to have lunch on Monday and I enjoyed sitting together once again and remembering all the times that we have been through-- times of frustration with leadership, times of questions in my life, times of celebration, stress, heartache, and revelation. Thanks for always listening, for always speaking truth, and for always being up for a cupcake and a dive into a new book.
My church family has grown very important to me this year. I've been grateful for the chance to love and serve alongside them.
And above all, my God has been very important to me in the past year. He has revealed such truths to my heart and worked through all my imperfections, day by day by day. It's rarely easy but always rewarding. I've marveled as He's taken all my worries with grace and truth and worked them for His plan. I know He will continue to do that as I continue to lean on Him in the times to come. Praise God for His slow, persistent faithfulness.
I know tonight's post may not have been deep or inspiring, but my mind is a thousand places tonight. Until tomorrow, sweet friends.
Today has been yet another one of those days that has moved a million miles an hour. The bittersweet news is that today I set foot in a classroom for the very last time in my undergrad career. I have very mixed feelings about that.
I've been thinking a lot about today's #reverb11 prompt and there are quite a few different directions I'd like to take this one all at one time. Please stick with me as I try to piece them all together.
The prompt: Who was important to you?
I had the thought earlier today that I wonder how many times I've spoken the sentence "He teaches high school in Mississippi..."
Two summers ago was my first summer working at camp, and I walked into it a mix of nerves and excitement. I had 32 incredible people on my team, one of whom was a boy that I decided before the summer began that I just didn't want to be friends with. Why? Because he was cute. And I didn't need to let my heart recognize that. Before training week had even ended, a mutual friend told me that he and I would be best friends and I spent the next year laughing that she was right. He was great.
Fast forward a long, long way down the road. Skip over the DNows, the occasional phone calls, the growing friendship that I valued so much... fast forward all of that to one evening as I sat on the couch in my living room, angry at the world and (for maybe the first and only time) so frustrated with my roommates. Someone knocked on my door. That someone drove eight hours to surprise me and take me on our first date. That someone left me speechless that night and continues to do just that day by day.
In the year of 2011, that someone has taken on a whole new role in my life-- one I never even imagined or hoped for. Daniel Allan makes me laugh, pushes me on and encourages me, gives such Godly wisdom and counsel, and melts my heart as he loves on and invests in the kids around him each and every day. The most important thing to me is that he loves the Lord far more than I pray he'll ever even dream of liking me, and the outflow of that is so beautiful. He was important to me. He is important to me.
God has given me some other incredible blessings this past year that are fully worth mentioning as well...
I sat with my roommates tonight in the quiet at sweet tears sobbed warm into the carpet of our living room floor. I'll never stop thanking God for the years of family I have found behind the poorly painted front door of our apartment. We laugh together, weep together, lift one another up, encourage, admonish, dream, dance, sing, and even have the occasional roller derby. I can't put it into words. I've tried before so many times... and in full honesty, I am terrified of leaving that behind. I have mere days left to come home to a family who listens with open arms and that thought terrifies me. This bond isn't something that will ever end, this much I know full well. But I hate the thought of not coming home to the one place I know I can always be fully myself-- broken, whole, pretty, afraid, whatever. I'm beyond grateful. I thank the Lord for sisters. They're the best ones I've got.
My small group has become very important to me this year also. The beauty of it is that each of us is walking hand in hand through the tough decisions that unfortunately come with senior year. Most of us have been together since freshman year and I feel this group has brought it all full circle. I love to hear what Christ teaches each of those girls and I'm going to miss them dearly in the days to come.
My camp team has been important to me. Probably not a day goes by that I don't talk to someone and I'm grateful for the love and the support built in that place.
My family has been important to me. Always. I love watching those relationships grow and change as we all get older. Family are friends just as much as friends can be family. I am grateful for those.
My sweet friend, Karen, has been incredibly important to me. Thank you, Karen, for walking alongside me in quite a journey. We got to have lunch on Monday and I enjoyed sitting together once again and remembering all the times that we have been through-- times of frustration with leadership, times of questions in my life, times of celebration, stress, heartache, and revelation. Thanks for always listening, for always speaking truth, and for always being up for a cupcake and a dive into a new book.
My church family has grown very important to me this year. I've been grateful for the chance to love and serve alongside them.
And above all, my God has been very important to me in the past year. He has revealed such truths to my heart and worked through all my imperfections, day by day by day. It's rarely easy but always rewarding. I've marveled as He's taken all my worries with grace and truth and worked them for His plan. I know He will continue to do that as I continue to lean on Him in the times to come. Praise God for His slow, persistent faithfulness.
I know tonight's post may not have been deep or inspiring, but my mind is a thousand places tonight. Until tomorrow, sweet friends.
Monday, December 5, 2011
struggles & discoveries
Today has gone 100 miles an hour since I woke up this morning (two hours later than I expected to, I might add...) Some days are just like that, I suppose. It's been filled with great things but I'm grateful at the end of it to just have the chance to sit in the living room and catch up on blogging.
You may have noticed that I skipped out on my #reverb11 yesterday. We were en route back from our mountain vacation weekend and between packing up, driving home, and winning first place at trivia last night (yes, I'm bragging on my team), writing just didn't happen. That being said, I really liked yesterday's prompt so tonight I'm going to try my hardest to combine it with the one from today. I feel like they go together well anyway, so let's give this a shot...
The prompt: When did you struggle?
The prompt: What did you discover?
Struggles often lead to discovery.
C.S. Lewis once said that "God allows us to experience the low points in life in order to teach us lessons that we could learn in no other way." I'm a firm believer in the fact that God doesn't allow us to run helplessly through the difficult times of life because He's left us or because He enjoys watching us squirm. No, that isn't biblical. I believe fully in the fact that just as He promises us in Jeremiah 29:11, He has plans for our good. Romans 8:28 promises us that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose. My range of vision is incredibly narrow and in the midst of difficulty, sometimes all I can focus on are the ways it's unfair and the ways it hurts. But God, who is mindbogglingly infinite, can see all-- He sees what was, what is, what's going to come of it, what could have happened, everything. Sometimes it's hard for me to grasp that. Sometimes I can look backwards at the struggles and see why I was allowed to go through them and see what they taught me. Other times it seems that I may never understand. When struggles meet my inability to see past the end of my nose, that is where my faith is put into action.
In 2011, I can think of a few things that I struggled through. The beauty in struggling is that not only does it grow and teach you and help you to see all the beautiful blessings in your life, it also gives you absolutely no option but to lean fully on the Lord. I've seen His face so much more clearly in the times when I had nothing else to focus on. I'm blessed enough to say that I haven't had any major hardships this year, but I've certainly struggled in a multitude of ways. I've struggled, but I'm grateful for each struggle and what it has taught me during the process and living here in the aftermath.
I struggled a lot through this past summer at camp with some difficult situations.
From that I discovered the beauty of leaning on one another and the fact that we can never control everything.
I struggled as a leader.
From that I discovered that the Lord works best through my weakness. I've learned a lot about who I am and now I lead, and God has rewarded that.
I struggled to spend as much time with God as I wish I had.
From that I discovered that His mercies are continual and new. We don't live within the law and because of such, He isn't disappointed in us when we don't always get it right. He is grace. He is peace. He longs for us with such a sweet affection.
I struggled as I tried to listen to the Lord about my future.
From that I discovered more about how God speaks and what His voice sounds like. I also discovered the next small piece of the journey He and I will walk together.
We all struggle in the day to day to live lives that are holy and pleasing to God. We struggle to accomplish our to-do list, keep our priorities straight, and live an impactual life.
But the struggles are there to teach us, grow us, and guide us.
I'll close tonight with a story that my DNow leader read to me when I was in middle school. Years later, it's a story that I've often had the blessing of sharing with other middle school girls in lots of settings. It might speak best to that crowd, but there are still some truths in here we can all learn from. It's a beautiful picture of the Lord as the Potter and us as mere clay in His hands. So until tomorrow, enjoy the story and have a great night!
You may have noticed that I skipped out on my #reverb11 yesterday. We were en route back from our mountain vacation weekend and between packing up, driving home, and winning first place at trivia last night (yes, I'm bragging on my team), writing just didn't happen. That being said, I really liked yesterday's prompt so tonight I'm going to try my hardest to combine it with the one from today. I feel like they go together well anyway, so let's give this a shot...
The prompt: When did you struggle?
The prompt: What did you discover?
Struggles often lead to discovery.
C.S. Lewis once said that "God allows us to experience the low points in life in order to teach us lessons that we could learn in no other way." I'm a firm believer in the fact that God doesn't allow us to run helplessly through the difficult times of life because He's left us or because He enjoys watching us squirm. No, that isn't biblical. I believe fully in the fact that just as He promises us in Jeremiah 29:11, He has plans for our good. Romans 8:28 promises us that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose. My range of vision is incredibly narrow and in the midst of difficulty, sometimes all I can focus on are the ways it's unfair and the ways it hurts. But God, who is mindbogglingly infinite, can see all-- He sees what was, what is, what's going to come of it, what could have happened, everything. Sometimes it's hard for me to grasp that. Sometimes I can look backwards at the struggles and see why I was allowed to go through them and see what they taught me. Other times it seems that I may never understand. When struggles meet my inability to see past the end of my nose, that is where my faith is put into action.
In 2011, I can think of a few things that I struggled through. The beauty in struggling is that not only does it grow and teach you and help you to see all the beautiful blessings in your life, it also gives you absolutely no option but to lean fully on the Lord. I've seen His face so much more clearly in the times when I had nothing else to focus on. I'm blessed enough to say that I haven't had any major hardships this year, but I've certainly struggled in a multitude of ways. I've struggled, but I'm grateful for each struggle and what it has taught me during the process and living here in the aftermath.
I struggled a lot through this past summer at camp with some difficult situations.
From that I discovered the beauty of leaning on one another and the fact that we can never control everything.
I struggled as a leader.
From that I discovered that the Lord works best through my weakness. I've learned a lot about who I am and now I lead, and God has rewarded that.
I struggled to spend as much time with God as I wish I had.
From that I discovered that His mercies are continual and new. We don't live within the law and because of such, He isn't disappointed in us when we don't always get it right. He is grace. He is peace. He longs for us with such a sweet affection.
I struggled as I tried to listen to the Lord about my future.
From that I discovered more about how God speaks and what His voice sounds like. I also discovered the next small piece of the journey He and I will walk together.
We all struggle in the day to day to live lives that are holy and pleasing to God. We struggle to accomplish our to-do list, keep our priorities straight, and live an impactual life.
But the struggles are there to teach us, grow us, and guide us.
I'll close tonight with a story that my DNow leader read to me when I was in middle school. Years later, it's a story that I've often had the blessing of sharing with other middle school girls in lots of settings. It might speak best to that crowd, but there are still some truths in here we can all learn from. It's a beautiful picture of the Lord as the Potter and us as mere clay in His hands. So until tomorrow, enjoy the story and have a great night!
There was a couple who used to go to England to shop in the beautiful stores. They both liked antiques and pottery and especially teacups. This was their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary.
One day in this beautiful shop they saw a beautiful teacup. They said, "May we see that? We've never seen one quite so beautiful."
As the lady handed it to them, suddenly the teacup spoke. "You don't understand," it said. "I haven't always been a teacup.
There was a time when I was red and I was clay. My master took me and rolled me and patted me over and over and I yelled out, "let me alone", but he only smiled, "Not yet."
"Then I was placed on a spinning wheel," the teacup said, "and suddenly I was spun around and around and around. Stop it! I'm getting dizzy! I screamed. But the master only nodded and said, 'Not yet.'
Then he put me in the oven. I never felt such heat. I wondered why he wanted to burn me, and I yelled and knocked at the door. I could see him through the opening and I could read his lips as He shook his head, 'Not yet.'
Finally the door opened, he put me on the shelf, and I began to cool. 'There, that's better,' I said. And he brushed and painted me all over. The fumes were horrible. I thought I would gag. 'Stop it, stop it!' I cried. He only nodded, 'Not yet.'
Then suddenly he put me back into the oven, not like the first one. This was twice as hot and I knew I would suffocate. I begged. I pleaded. I screamed. I cried. All the time I could see him through the opening nodding his head saying, 'Not yet.'
Then I knew there wasn't any hope. I would never make it. I was ready to give up. But the door opened and he took me out and placed me on the shelf. One hour later he handed me a mirror and said, 'Look at yourself. And I did. I said, 'That's not me; that couldn't be me. It's beautiful. I'm beautiful.'
'I want you to remember, then,' he said, 'I know it hurts to be rolled and patted, but if I had left you alone, you'd have dried up.
I know it made you dizzy to spin around on the wheel, but if I had stopped, you would have crumbled. I knew it hurt and was hot and disagreeable in the oven, but if I hadn't put you there, you would have cracked.
I know the fumes were bad when I brushed and painted you all over, but if I hadn't done that, you never would have hardened; you would not have had any color in your life.
And if I hadn't put you back in that second oven, you wouldn't survive for very long because the hardness would not have held.
Now you are a finished product. You are what I had in mind when I first began with you.
Saturday, December 3, 2011
stories
I think all collectively I have written at least 40 pages today. My brain is tired and because of such, I had every intention of skipping out on my reverb post for the evening. And yet... here I am. I claim often that I like to write but maybe I need to amend that statement. I love to write about what I want to write about. Pushing through to the end of the semester....
Tonight's post comes to you from a mountain house in the hills of North Carolina. My sweet roommates and I got out of town for the weekend to study, eat, watch the game, and just be together before everyone heads separate ways-- some of us for the holidays and some of us for good. So far we have had such a wonderful time just laughing, drinking coffee, and telling stories. You'll be proud to know that I've gotten a shocking amount of schoolwork completed today also and it's been so nice to just relax together.
Anna and I went on a morning walk to here today:
Okay, okay, it isn't snowing. We just walked to the edge of the fake snow at the nearby ski resort... tricked you ;)
The prompt: What books have you read?
Earlier this year, Jeremy Echols shared with me the bit of wisdom that "a leader is a reader". As a child, I was a big-time reader but just as school can make you hate to write by constantly forcing it upon you, the same can happen with reading. I have a passion for books-- just the other day I found myself wandering through Barnes and Noble helplessly. It melts away the stress somehow. I also really love old books and the fact that they have stories not just inside them but behind them also. There's something about the way they smell...
That being said, I unfortunately don't always find myself actually reading those books that I love so dearly. But in this past year I feel that I have done a better job of that so I'll share just a few books that stick out in my mind that I have read, cover to cover, in the past year.
One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp
If you've been around my blog at all this past year, you'll know that this book entirely and completely spoke to my heart and largely changed the way I view my world and my faith. It was given to me by my sweet friend Karen last year, beautifully wrapped with a piece of twine, and we walked along the journey of discovering eucharisto together-- an adventure that resulted in the two of us with our toes in the sand of a beach counting the little blessings we were grateful for in each day. I highly recommend this book to anybody. I may read it again soon.
Walking with God by John Eldridge
I have to admit that there are a few things in this book that I didn't necessarily agree with. That just goes to show me that unless you are reading directly from the word of the Lord, you have every right to (and should) run everything you read through the filter of Scripture to see how it comes out the other side for you, even if written by a Christian author. Despite that, I really enjoyed this book at times and the Lord certainly spoke to me through it. I enjoyed watching how directly what I would read would correlate with what God was trying to teach me at the time. Definitely a solid read.
Grace for the Good Girl by Emily Freeman
I mentioned this book in my blog post yesterday. I'm not all the way through this one yet but I started it in hopes that it would compare to One Thousand Gifts and I'll be honest-- it's not exactly the same. Still, Emily shares some beautiful truths and the Lord has been pairing her words with my study of Scripture to teach me some incredible things lately. I'll probably go read some more after this :)
I've read a lot of stuff for school... I read a book for church... I've read pieces of a lot of books... I read a book written by a friend of mine and I've read lots of children's stories. I read blogs every single day-- those aren't books, but they are stories. I won't share any more specifically tonight (I'm running on some cold coffee fuel right now) but I will say this:
Reading is important. Stories are important. Time and time again lately I have walked with my kids at church through the power of stories and the power of sharing your story of what the Lord has done in your life. You never know who might need to hear it. I'll close tonight by sharing my friend Anthony's story. I hope the power of the Lord speaks to you the way it speaks to me here.
This Is My Story: Anthony Welch from Elissa Ewald on Vimeo.
Farewell, friends. I'm off to sit back in front of the fireplace.
Tonight's post comes to you from a mountain house in the hills of North Carolina. My sweet roommates and I got out of town for the weekend to study, eat, watch the game, and just be together before everyone heads separate ways-- some of us for the holidays and some of us for good. So far we have had such a wonderful time just laughing, drinking coffee, and telling stories. You'll be proud to know that I've gotten a shocking amount of schoolwork completed today also and it's been so nice to just relax together.
Anna and I went on a morning walk to here today:
Okay, okay, it isn't snowing. We just walked to the edge of the fake snow at the nearby ski resort... tricked you ;)
The prompt: What books have you read?
Earlier this year, Jeremy Echols shared with me the bit of wisdom that "a leader is a reader". As a child, I was a big-time reader but just as school can make you hate to write by constantly forcing it upon you, the same can happen with reading. I have a passion for books-- just the other day I found myself wandering through Barnes and Noble helplessly. It melts away the stress somehow. I also really love old books and the fact that they have stories not just inside them but behind them also. There's something about the way they smell...
That being said, I unfortunately don't always find myself actually reading those books that I love so dearly. But in this past year I feel that I have done a better job of that so I'll share just a few books that stick out in my mind that I have read, cover to cover, in the past year.
One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp
If you've been around my blog at all this past year, you'll know that this book entirely and completely spoke to my heart and largely changed the way I view my world and my faith. It was given to me by my sweet friend Karen last year, beautifully wrapped with a piece of twine, and we walked along the journey of discovering eucharisto together-- an adventure that resulted in the two of us with our toes in the sand of a beach counting the little blessings we were grateful for in each day. I highly recommend this book to anybody. I may read it again soon.
Walking with God by John Eldridge
I have to admit that there are a few things in this book that I didn't necessarily agree with. That just goes to show me that unless you are reading directly from the word of the Lord, you have every right to (and should) run everything you read through the filter of Scripture to see how it comes out the other side for you, even if written by a Christian author. Despite that, I really enjoyed this book at times and the Lord certainly spoke to me through it. I enjoyed watching how directly what I would read would correlate with what God was trying to teach me at the time. Definitely a solid read.
Grace for the Good Girl by Emily Freeman
I mentioned this book in my blog post yesterday. I'm not all the way through this one yet but I started it in hopes that it would compare to One Thousand Gifts and I'll be honest-- it's not exactly the same. Still, Emily shares some beautiful truths and the Lord has been pairing her words with my study of Scripture to teach me some incredible things lately. I'll probably go read some more after this :)
I've read a lot of stuff for school... I read a book for church... I've read pieces of a lot of books... I read a book written by a friend of mine and I've read lots of children's stories. I read blogs every single day-- those aren't books, but they are stories. I won't share any more specifically tonight (I'm running on some cold coffee fuel right now) but I will say this:
Reading is important. Stories are important. Time and time again lately I have walked with my kids at church through the power of stories and the power of sharing your story of what the Lord has done in your life. You never know who might need to hear it. I'll close tonight by sharing my friend Anthony's story. I hope the power of the Lord speaks to you the way it speaks to me here.
This Is My Story: Anthony Welch from Elissa Ewald on Vimeo.
Farewell, friends. I'm off to sit back in front of the fireplace.
Friday, December 2, 2011
meeting
Good afternoon!
I got some fantastic feedback from my first day of #Reverb11 yesterday. Thanks for all the comments, guys! Jessica, JE, Meredith, Jessica M., and Daniel are all on board now if you want to follow along. A lot of people have been asking and you can find the list of prompts I'm working from here. :)
The prompt: Who did you meet?
Have you ever met someone and only a short while later wondered how you ever made it through without that person in your life? There is something beautiful about meeting someone and having an instant bond with them. That's how it was when I first met my now-roommate four years ago as a freshman. Within knowing each other for one week we sat down and had lunch and discussed in a very roundabout way how we wanted to live together the next year. We always joke that it's like they say... when you know you know.
That's how it was this past year when I met a few of these people:
Within only a few days of knowing one another, this girl and I started a game where I would see her from across a distance, yell her name, and run and leap into her arms. And you know what? That's exactly what we would do if I saw her now.
The Lord was definitely at work among this group of people from the moment we initially met one another. It was crazy to see how our paths each had been so different and yet had met up to bring us all to Cambellsville, Kentucky as we prepared to head out for a summer of serving together at camp. Within days of meeting one another we were sharing the deepest parts of our lives and building one another up as we came to see and understand the Gospel in a new and powerful light. We set the tone early in the summer that we were to operate as a family-- no one was expected to uphold perfection and we would all be there to literally lean on one another as we prayed together. The summer brought some hard things but I know that each of us has been changed from knowing one another and serving alongside one another as we worked selflessly to carry the Gospel to children. Those are relationships I am grateful for.
I also met some incredible, precious kids this summer at camp that have touched my heart in mighty ways. Some of their stories still stick with me daily.
Who else did I meet this year...
I got to meet some of these people for the first time. This family is incredible and I love how they live and laugh together. Thanks Rachel, I stole this picture from you. ;) You can check out more pictures from this weekend here.
I met the Duggars. That was pretty awesome.
I met some new members of my family. I met my brother's girlfriend for the first time this year, met my cousin's husband (love them!), and met my other cousin's cute baby, Lauren, for the first time.
I met a lot of new students and families at River Hills. Serving alongside them was such a blessing but I think the times I enjoyed most were just the sweet times of fellowship. Those kids will never cease to make me laugh.
Come on, how could I have chosen anything other than this awesome photo from a game we played last January? These boys are so silly.
I'd never really stopped to think about it until now, but I've met a lot of people this year. The people we meet and the choices we make are what shape who we are day by day, weather we realize it or not. I was reading last night in Grace for the Good Girl and the author, Emily Freeman, was beautifully describing life in the Garden and the moment when Eve first met the serpent, a meeting that changed everything for not just Eve but for the rest of humanity. She described with such beauty the way all was as it was made to be-- Adam, Eve, and God.
"They were one and they were three: man, woman, and Creator."
They had met with one another and they were meeting with God moment by moment. Man, woman, and Creator. Exactly as it is intended to be. Let that thought dwell for a second.
"They were made in his image.
They lacked nothing.
Their needs were met.
The Tree of Life stood tall and safe in the middle of the Garden."
But of course we all know the story. The serpent, the crafty liar that he was, entered the scene and told Eve she could have more. Emily makes the interesting point that in Genesis 1:27 he tells Eve that if she eats of the tree of Knowledge, she could be like God when in fact she was already made in his image. She already was like God yet was continuing to seek out more and bought into the lie.
But I had this thought-- how was she really supposed to know it was a lie? Up until this point, Eve had known nothing but truth. What grounds did she have to question it? The concept of falsehood didn't even exist until this moment. Everything we hear today we run through the filter of whether it is true or false, even if we do so subconsciously. It's no wonder Eve fell into it-- she had never even experienced the possibility that something would be untrue.
So she ate. They both did. And all because of the relationship that was formed here between Eve and the serpent. And that relationship took the place of another relationship for all of us. Emily phrases it that "Love dislodged itself from her heart, sending her spiraling down into despair and doubt and death." As I thought about it last night, I had this realization:
At this point in scripture, Adam and Eve were no longer one with God. The Holy Spirit was removed from them and they were no longer walking as three in one. I cannot fathom what that feeling must have felt like-- to have the Holy Spirit literally removed from within you. I imagine a rush of cold swept over them and I'm grateful for the fact that once we as believers have chosen to let Christ inside of us, that same Holy Spirit promises to never leave or forsake us. In fact, this happens only one other time in scripture that I can think of and it's as Jesus is hanging on the cross, taking on the weight of the world. Scripture tells us that the Father couldn't even bear to look on His son and as God removed His presence from Christ, just as He was removed from Adam and Eve, the entire world literally went dark. Even records of history that don't support Christianity report a mysterious time when the world went dark for a while. That shows the magnitude of having the Spirit inside of you and the despair that it has removed us from with such grace.
And it's all because of a relationship... because of a meeting. Eve met with the serpent and it changed everything. But because of grace, you and I have been given the opportunity to meet face to face with Christ and be restored to walking with Him in the Garden.
Man, woman, and Creator.
I started this post off with a question: Who did you meet this year? and while it's been years since I initially met Christ, I pray that I meet Him and choose Him over and over again each day.
One relationship can change everything. Who are you meeting with today?
I got some fantastic feedback from my first day of #Reverb11 yesterday. Thanks for all the comments, guys! Jessica, JE, Meredith, Jessica M., and Daniel are all on board now if you want to follow along. A lot of people have been asking and you can find the list of prompts I'm working from here. :)
The prompt: Who did you meet?
Have you ever met someone and only a short while later wondered how you ever made it through without that person in your life? There is something beautiful about meeting someone and having an instant bond with them. That's how it was when I first met my now-roommate four years ago as a freshman. Within knowing each other for one week we sat down and had lunch and discussed in a very roundabout way how we wanted to live together the next year. We always joke that it's like they say... when you know you know.
That's how it was this past year when I met a few of these people:
Within only a few days of knowing one another, this girl and I started a game where I would see her from across a distance, yell her name, and run and leap into her arms. And you know what? That's exactly what we would do if I saw her now.
The Lord was definitely at work among this group of people from the moment we initially met one another. It was crazy to see how our paths each had been so different and yet had met up to bring us all to Cambellsville, Kentucky as we prepared to head out for a summer of serving together at camp. Within days of meeting one another we were sharing the deepest parts of our lives and building one another up as we came to see and understand the Gospel in a new and powerful light. We set the tone early in the summer that we were to operate as a family-- no one was expected to uphold perfection and we would all be there to literally lean on one another as we prayed together. The summer brought some hard things but I know that each of us has been changed from knowing one another and serving alongside one another as we worked selflessly to carry the Gospel to children. Those are relationships I am grateful for.
I also met some incredible, precious kids this summer at camp that have touched my heart in mighty ways. Some of their stories still stick with me daily.
Who else did I meet this year...
I got to meet some of these people for the first time. This family is incredible and I love how they live and laugh together. Thanks Rachel, I stole this picture from you. ;) You can check out more pictures from this weekend here.
I met the Duggars. That was pretty awesome.
I met some new members of my family. I met my brother's girlfriend for the first time this year, met my cousin's husband (love them!), and met my other cousin's cute baby, Lauren, for the first time.I met a lot of new students and families at River Hills. Serving alongside them was such a blessing but I think the times I enjoyed most were just the sweet times of fellowship. Those kids will never cease to make me laugh.
Come on, how could I have chosen anything other than this awesome photo from a game we played last January? These boys are so silly.
I'd never really stopped to think about it until now, but I've met a lot of people this year. The people we meet and the choices we make are what shape who we are day by day, weather we realize it or not. I was reading last night in Grace for the Good Girl and the author, Emily Freeman, was beautifully describing life in the Garden and the moment when Eve first met the serpent, a meeting that changed everything for not just Eve but for the rest of humanity. She described with such beauty the way all was as it was made to be-- Adam, Eve, and God.
"They were one and they were three: man, woman, and Creator."
They had met with one another and they were meeting with God moment by moment. Man, woman, and Creator. Exactly as it is intended to be. Let that thought dwell for a second.
"They were made in his image.
They lacked nothing.
Their needs were met.
The Tree of Life stood tall and safe in the middle of the Garden."
But of course we all know the story. The serpent, the crafty liar that he was, entered the scene and told Eve she could have more. Emily makes the interesting point that in Genesis 1:27 he tells Eve that if she eats of the tree of Knowledge, she could be like God when in fact she was already made in his image. She already was like God yet was continuing to seek out more and bought into the lie.
But I had this thought-- how was she really supposed to know it was a lie? Up until this point, Eve had known nothing but truth. What grounds did she have to question it? The concept of falsehood didn't even exist until this moment. Everything we hear today we run through the filter of whether it is true or false, even if we do so subconsciously. It's no wonder Eve fell into it-- she had never even experienced the possibility that something would be untrue.
So she ate. They both did. And all because of the relationship that was formed here between Eve and the serpent. And that relationship took the place of another relationship for all of us. Emily phrases it that "Love dislodged itself from her heart, sending her spiraling down into despair and doubt and death." As I thought about it last night, I had this realization:
At this point in scripture, Adam and Eve were no longer one with God. The Holy Spirit was removed from them and they were no longer walking as three in one. I cannot fathom what that feeling must have felt like-- to have the Holy Spirit literally removed from within you. I imagine a rush of cold swept over them and I'm grateful for the fact that once we as believers have chosen to let Christ inside of us, that same Holy Spirit promises to never leave or forsake us. In fact, this happens only one other time in scripture that I can think of and it's as Jesus is hanging on the cross, taking on the weight of the world. Scripture tells us that the Father couldn't even bear to look on His son and as God removed His presence from Christ, just as He was removed from Adam and Eve, the entire world literally went dark. Even records of history that don't support Christianity report a mysterious time when the world went dark for a while. That shows the magnitude of having the Spirit inside of you and the despair that it has removed us from with such grace.
And it's all because of a relationship... because of a meeting. Eve met with the serpent and it changed everything. But because of grace, you and I have been given the opportunity to meet face to face with Christ and be restored to walking with Him in the Garden.
Man, woman, and Creator.
I started this post off with a question: Who did you meet this year? and while it's been years since I initially met Christ, I pray that I meet Him and choose Him over and over again each day.
One relationship can change everything. Who are you meeting with today?
Thursday, December 1, 2011
beginning
Happy December first, friends! I can't believe it's here already... I'm not ready for it yet! We've got the lights up on the front porch and I have a whopping 3 classes left in my undergrad career and yet it doesn't quite feel like it's time yet. Does time always continue to go faster as you get older? Probably.
Alright, today begins my unofficial #Reverb11 blogging. I'm so glad my sweet friend Jessica has decided to join in, as has JE. It's always nice to have company in writing :)
The prompt: Where did 2011 begin?
When the clock struck midnight on December 30th, 2010 I was in my basement.
That sounds lame... and it would have been, had you not factored in the fact that over 20 of my very favorite people were there also. Friends from my CK1 Camp Team flew and drove in from all over everywhere just to be together for New Years and then for many of us to head to Atlanta for Passion the next few days. If you've never been a part of a ck reunion, you're missing out because there is nothing like family taking a few minutes to catch up and then being right back where we left off. A whole year later, I still love and miss these kids more than I ever imagined.
A few minutes later we scurried out to my cul de sac with sparklers to ring in the new year and celebrate all the Lord had done in our lives, together and apart, over the past 12 months.
So that's where I was physically and believe me, there's absolutely no place I would have rather been. God has given me such an incredible group of friends and I think we each cherish the memories of being all together at least one more time. So much has changed in everyone's lives now and I love watching the Lord's plans unfold for all of us.
But where else was I? Let's think...
I was preparing to head back into my second semester of my junior year of college and was insanely overwhelmed with school work (a feeling that, praise the Lord, no longer exists).
I had recently found out I'd be working as Assistant Director at camp this year and was both super excited and super nervous.
I was trying really hard not to fall for the boy I knew I'd never get to date. We've been together about 7 months now.
I was grateful beyond all reason for my roommates (still am!) and was trying to catch the most of every minute with Jackie before she graduated and left us.
I was in the process of healing and thanking the Lord for restoring me through the closing of some doors.
I was enjoying my time at home with family just as much as I always do.
I was in a place of growth and remember praying for a stronger passion for the Word. That prayer continues.
I was just about to begin working at River Hills and had no idea what an impact that would make on my life.
And I think above all that I was just excited for a new year and a new chapter in life. I recognized that I had no idea what I was walking into. I have a life rule that I'll never start a new journal before every page of the last one is full, and somehow that always seems to fall right at the mark of something major happening in my life. I bought a new journal yesterday and I think it's no coincidence that I'll begin is as I prepare to move away to Jackson for the first time. I started a new one on January 5th of last year. I'll close this post with these words, straight off the first page:
...but I know I'm filled to be emptied again and there is such beauty in desiring wreckage in your life. I haven't the slightest idea where I'll go with this journal and this year. At the end of it I could be forever changed, could be in another country, could be dead... who knows. But surely along the way, God will teach me beautiful truths, show me His plans and His power, and likely put me through the unthinkable to further our relationship and advance the kingdom. I have no idea, but God does. And that has to be enough for today.
Alright, today begins my unofficial #Reverb11 blogging. I'm so glad my sweet friend Jessica has decided to join in, as has JE. It's always nice to have company in writing :)
The prompt: Where did 2011 begin?
When the clock struck midnight on December 30th, 2010 I was in my basement.
That sounds lame... and it would have been, had you not factored in the fact that over 20 of my very favorite people were there also. Friends from my CK1 Camp Team flew and drove in from all over everywhere just to be together for New Years and then for many of us to head to Atlanta for Passion the next few days. If you've never been a part of a ck reunion, you're missing out because there is nothing like family taking a few minutes to catch up and then being right back where we left off. A whole year later, I still love and miss these kids more than I ever imagined.
A few minutes later we scurried out to my cul de sac with sparklers to ring in the new year and celebrate all the Lord had done in our lives, together and apart, over the past 12 months.
So that's where I was physically and believe me, there's absolutely no place I would have rather been. God has given me such an incredible group of friends and I think we each cherish the memories of being all together at least one more time. So much has changed in everyone's lives now and I love watching the Lord's plans unfold for all of us.
But where else was I? Let's think...
I was preparing to head back into my second semester of my junior year of college and was insanely overwhelmed with school work (a feeling that, praise the Lord, no longer exists).
I had recently found out I'd be working as Assistant Director at camp this year and was both super excited and super nervous.
I was trying really hard not to fall for the boy I knew I'd never get to date. We've been together about 7 months now.
I was grateful beyond all reason for my roommates (still am!) and was trying to catch the most of every minute with Jackie before she graduated and left us.
I was in the process of healing and thanking the Lord for restoring me through the closing of some doors.
I was enjoying my time at home with family just as much as I always do.
I was in a place of growth and remember praying for a stronger passion for the Word. That prayer continues.
I was just about to begin working at River Hills and had no idea what an impact that would make on my life.
And I think above all that I was just excited for a new year and a new chapter in life. I recognized that I had no idea what I was walking into. I have a life rule that I'll never start a new journal before every page of the last one is full, and somehow that always seems to fall right at the mark of something major happening in my life. I bought a new journal yesterday and I think it's no coincidence that I'll begin is as I prepare to move away to Jackson for the first time. I started a new one on January 5th of last year. I'll close this post with these words, straight off the first page:
...but I know I'm filled to be emptied again and there is such beauty in desiring wreckage in your life. I haven't the slightest idea where I'll go with this journal and this year. At the end of it I could be forever changed, could be in another country, could be dead... who knows. But surely along the way, God will teach me beautiful truths, show me His plans and His power, and likely put me through the unthinkable to further our relationship and advance the kingdom. I have no idea, but God does. And that has to be enough for today.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
reverb
If you've been around for a while, you might remember that last year I took part in #Reverb10, a blogging event where you wrote on a given topic every day during the month of December as a way to reflect on the previous year and prepare for 2011. Tomorrow is December first and I've been looking forward to starting #Reverb11. I got an email yesterday from the creators of last year's topics and guess what...
There is no #Reverb11.
Womp womp. What last year's creators have urged their blogging community to do is come up with a list of daily prompts for themselves and reflect on the year that way. One of the authors, Kaileen Elise, posted her list on her blog as an example. Something seems funny to me about writing my own prompts and sometimes I err on the side of temporary laziness so tomorrow I'll be starting writing from her list of prompts. :) I guarantee a lot of people will...
So below is Kaileen's list of writing prompts for the month of December if you would like to join in. I don't promise that I'll get to them all, but I'm looking forward to the challenge!
See you tomorrow, friends!
And I thought I'd end this post by sharing a few photos from our pre-thanksgiving cookie decorating party! Enjoy!
And these are a series of terrible photos of me, Robert, and Memphis sitting on the front porch playing with my dslRemote App before taking our family Christmas photos. Don't worry, we didn't take them on the porch... it was way too sunny for anyone's good.
There is no #Reverb11.
Womp womp. What last year's creators have urged their blogging community to do is come up with a list of daily prompts for themselves and reflect on the year that way. One of the authors, Kaileen Elise, posted her list on her blog as an example. Something seems funny to me about writing my own prompts and sometimes I err on the side of temporary laziness so tomorrow I'll be starting writing from her list of prompts. :) I guarantee a lot of people will...
So below is Kaileen's list of writing prompts for the month of December if you would like to join in. I don't promise that I'll get to them all, but I'm looking forward to the challenge!
See you tomorrow, friends!
- Where did 2011 begin?
- Who did you meet?
- What books did you read?
- When did you struggle?
- What did you discover?
- Who was important to you?
- What do you hope to remember?
- Where did you spend money?
- When were you most scared?
- What questions did you ask?
- Who surprised you?
- What did you learn?
- When did you feel the most relaxed?
- Where did you leave a mark?
- What movies did you see?
- What did you accomplish?
- When were you the most grateful?
- Who touched your heart?
- Where did you visit?
- When did you cry?
- Where did you spend your time?
- What were your favorite songs?
- Who did you miss?
- When did you take the easy way?
- Where did you eat?
- Which blogs did you enjoy most?
- When did you celebrate?
- What are your dreams for next year?
- Who will attract into your life?
- What do you want to do in 2012?
- Where do you hope to be on Jan 1, 2013?
And I thought I'd end this post by sharing a few photos from our pre-thanksgiving cookie decorating party! Enjoy!
 |
| Sometimes Trey takes a break from law school... and sometimes I make weird cat cookies. |
And these are a series of terrible photos of me, Robert, and Memphis sitting on the front porch playing with my dslRemote App before taking our family Christmas photos. Don't worry, we didn't take them on the porch... it was way too sunny for anyone's good.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
living free
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! I hope you are as much enjoying this day as we have been. So far I've spent the entire morning drinking coffee in my pajamas and chasing the puppies around the living room while attempting to watch the parade. I'm grateful to spend the day with family and I can't wait for the rest of the gang to get here for our annual black friday fun. If you've seen the Target commercials, you have a clear picture of how my grandma and I act on this day... stretching, strategizing, and joking about knocking people down for the good deals. In reality, nobody ever has anything specific they're after but traditions are always good fun.
Anyway, this morning I thought I'd share some things from my journal from last night. I hope it's a blessing and a sweet reminder to you of grace this morning.
In thinking about the law given in the old testament and why it was given to us, to Moses, with such extreme demands of perfection...
Moses's people met the law's birth with a resounding "okay, we can do this" only to quickly realize afterwards, just like each of us eventually do, that their confidence was far from reality. That perfect, unattainable law was given the people to reflect how perfect and unattainable our God is. Or should be. He has that right. In the light of that law is where we realize we cannot dream of measuring up and thus where grace becomes so sweet. Romans 3. Through the unattainable perfection of the law our sin is revealed. Through the revelation of our sin, His grace is magnified. He is that unattainable perfection but let's never overlook the fact that He made Himself fully attainable to us through the grace that is Christ.
So then we reach a point of recognizing grace and yet striving still to hold to the law in an effort to please Christ. Or perhaps we create our own laws-- our own list of things we have to do and not do to be a good Christian. If we are truly living in faith, that's our desire, right? Yes... but I believe that I, like many people who strive to be good, often reach a place of being stressed by that pressure. His yoke claims to be easy and His burdon light, (Matt 11:30) but I fall into that category all too often of feeling guilty that I've failed to spend enough time with him today or guilty that I didn't serve in a way I could have or stressed that I'm not continually growing in the way other people may seem to be. There is a difference in guilt and conviction. We live far too often in self-created guilt rather than recognizing the gift and sufficiency of His grace.
It isn't supposed to about me continuing to measure my growth that I might be living exclusively by my list of spiritual disciplines and thus pleasing God. No, that puts me falling back under trying to fill a law. And remember that that law is unattainable for the sake of my recognition of my imperfection. No, in Christ there is freedom. Romans 5. Galatians 5. And if there is truly freedom, then I don't have to stress that I am doing good things out of the overflow of my heart. I need only to be a Mary and sit still at the feet of Christ. Our focus then shifts from whether or not I am constantly growing, serving, doing the right thing, being who I need to be, upholding all the laws I have created and put in place as disciplines... it shifts from the weight and the pressure of all my self-given demands simply to the face of Christ. That is and will always be what is most important.
And is that to say those disciplines and laws are bad things? No, surely not. That's the same as calling the commands to not lie, steal, murder, etc. irrelevant and useless. No, we still desire to uphold those things but it shouldn't be necessary for it to be our constant focus. My goal is not to lead better or write deeper blogs or live in high spiritual regard. My eyes rest only upon the beauty that is Christ. That is never exhausting. Because His yoke is easy and His burden is light. He offers freedom, full freedom, from the law. Why continue to create more law for myself?
Let all of that soak into you as you celebrate being thankful today. Are you celebrating the full freedom that Christ's grace offers us, or are you continuing to load yourself down with the weight of trying to fulfill unattainable laws, created only to show you your imperfection and your deep need for Christ? It's a lot to think about and definitely lends to some soul-searching. I'd love for you guys to join me in praying today that God would reveal to each of us where our true focus is. I pray that for you it is the face, the glory, and the grace of Jesus.
I'm off now to get ready for the day and maybe help mom make the dressing. Today is bound to bring the annual event of my dad not believing me and getting out the camera manual to figure out how to set the self-timer for the family photo... it's the same button every year. (If you're struggling here also, it's the one that looks like a clock...) I love family. Really.
Happy Thanksgiving, friends! Enjoy the day!
Anyway, this morning I thought I'd share some things from my journal from last night. I hope it's a blessing and a sweet reminder to you of grace this morning.
In thinking about the law given in the old testament and why it was given to us, to Moses, with such extreme demands of perfection...
Moses's people met the law's birth with a resounding "okay, we can do this" only to quickly realize afterwards, just like each of us eventually do, that their confidence was far from reality. That perfect, unattainable law was given the people to reflect how perfect and unattainable our God is. Or should be. He has that right. In the light of that law is where we realize we cannot dream of measuring up and thus where grace becomes so sweet. Romans 3. Through the unattainable perfection of the law our sin is revealed. Through the revelation of our sin, His grace is magnified. He is that unattainable perfection but let's never overlook the fact that He made Himself fully attainable to us through the grace that is Christ.
So then we reach a point of recognizing grace and yet striving still to hold to the law in an effort to please Christ. Or perhaps we create our own laws-- our own list of things we have to do and not do to be a good Christian. If we are truly living in faith, that's our desire, right? Yes... but I believe that I, like many people who strive to be good, often reach a place of being stressed by that pressure. His yoke claims to be easy and His burdon light, (Matt 11:30) but I fall into that category all too often of feeling guilty that I've failed to spend enough time with him today or guilty that I didn't serve in a way I could have or stressed that I'm not continually growing in the way other people may seem to be. There is a difference in guilt and conviction. We live far too often in self-created guilt rather than recognizing the gift and sufficiency of His grace.
It isn't supposed to about me continuing to measure my growth that I might be living exclusively by my list of spiritual disciplines and thus pleasing God. No, that puts me falling back under trying to fill a law. And remember that that law is unattainable for the sake of my recognition of my imperfection. No, in Christ there is freedom. Romans 5. Galatians 5. And if there is truly freedom, then I don't have to stress that I am doing good things out of the overflow of my heart. I need only to be a Mary and sit still at the feet of Christ. Our focus then shifts from whether or not I am constantly growing, serving, doing the right thing, being who I need to be, upholding all the laws I have created and put in place as disciplines... it shifts from the weight and the pressure of all my self-given demands simply to the face of Christ. That is and will always be what is most important.
And is that to say those disciplines and laws are bad things? No, surely not. That's the same as calling the commands to not lie, steal, murder, etc. irrelevant and useless. No, we still desire to uphold those things but it shouldn't be necessary for it to be our constant focus. My goal is not to lead better or write deeper blogs or live in high spiritual regard. My eyes rest only upon the beauty that is Christ. That is never exhausting. Because His yoke is easy and His burden is light. He offers freedom, full freedom, from the law. Why continue to create more law for myself?
Let all of that soak into you as you celebrate being thankful today. Are you celebrating the full freedom that Christ's grace offers us, or are you continuing to load yourself down with the weight of trying to fulfill unattainable laws, created only to show you your imperfection and your deep need for Christ? It's a lot to think about and definitely lends to some soul-searching. I'd love for you guys to join me in praying today that God would reveal to each of us where our true focus is. I pray that for you it is the face, the glory, and the grace of Jesus.
I'm off now to get ready for the day and maybe help mom make the dressing. Today is bound to bring the annual event of my dad not believing me and getting out the camera manual to figure out how to set the self-timer for the family photo... it's the same button every year. (If you're struggling here also, it's the one that looks like a clock...) I love family. Really.
Happy Thanksgiving, friends! Enjoy the day!
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