The prompt: What did you learn?
I don't even have the slightest idea where to begin answering that question. Honestly? I am a wholly different person than I was this time last year because of all I have learned. God has taught me much this year, through my time spent alone with Him, through my small group, through camp, through Daniel, through family, through roommates, through worship... Through the loud moments and the quiet, I believe that there's probably always something to learn, either about the character of God or about who I am in response to that.
Earlier today we picked up a book in Barnes and Noble. It was discussing the topic of "dumb things that smart Christians believe" and one of them was that all things happen for a reason. Now, I didn't read the book and I don't know exactly what point the author was making, but from what I know and have experienced, I stand by that the author might just be wrong. Everything that happens, good or bad, God works for His glory. We have something to learn in each thing we experience. So often we glaze right over it. We take things with a grain of salt and don't realize the Lord at work.
In the spirit of living with that in mind, I've learned much in the expanse of a year. If ever I get to a point where I've stopped learning, then we have a problem. This morning I continued my very slow trek through John. I've been in chapter twelve for a few days now and the Lord is speaking incredible things to me through it. This morning I got caught up here:
23 Jesus replied, “The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. 24 Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. 25 Anyone who loves their life will lose it, while anyone who hates their life in this world will keep it for eternal life. 26 Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me.
27 “Now my soul is troubled, and what shall I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour’? No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour. 28 Father, glorify your name!”
Then a voice came from heaven, “I have glorified it, and will glorify it again.” 29 The crowd that was there and heard it said it had thundered; others said an angel had spoken to him.
30 Jesus said, “This voice was for your benefit, not mine. 31 Now is the time for judgment on this world; now the prince of this world will be driven out. 32 And I, when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all people to myself.” 33 He said this to show the kind of death he was going to die.
34 The crowd spoke up, “We have heard from the Law that the Messiah will remain forever, so how can you say, ‘The Son of Man must be lifted up’? Who is this ‘Son of Man’?”
35 Then Jesus told them, “You are going to have the light just a little while longer. Walk while you have the light, before darkness overtakes you. Whoever walks in the dark does not know where they are going. 36 Believe in the light while you have the light, so that you may become children of light.” When he had finished speaking, Jesus left and hid himself from them.
I'm not sure I can articulate everything I've thought and learned here without it taking me an hour, but this passage is all very connected to the rest of the chapter. For the sake of my point here, though, I'll focus on this thought: In reading this this morning, I put myself in the place of the man in the crowd and began to ask questions. (That's how we learn, right?) The man here is confused at why Jesus earlier in the chapter says that it is time for the Son of Man to be glorified. I see the guy's point here-- "Jesus, you've done all these miracles and crazy things and are claiming to be the Messiah, the son of God... what do you mean you're the son of Man?"
I get that this is really hard concept for him to grasp. Jesus is reminding Him here that yes, He is the son of God, the chosen one, but He is also fully man. Fully man, fully God. That's hard for me to even grasp now. I asked that question and began to plow through the idea of what changed when the Father glorified the Son. I thought through a lot of tough questions from this passage and began to feel a lot like the man in the crowd-- that I was thinking in circles, pulling Scripture from everywhere, and still landed just a little frustrated that I cannot fully grasp exactly what Jesus is saying here. Ever feel like that? What I find interesting is that when the man asks Jesus about His claim to be the Son of Man, Jesus' response is this: I'm the light which guides. At this point I wonder if the guy was a little frustrated. He's clearly thinking deeply and seeking answers and not coming up with a whole lot of clarity-- the same place I was this morning and the same place I find myself often. So often we just want to understand fully... Striving to know more and to understand, but living perpetually in the fact that we are never intended to grasp it all. But just as I turned to the very last page in my journal and continued to write about this thought, Jesus' words became more clear. Believe in the light while you have the light, so that you may become children of the light. What that boils down to for me is this:
Just trust me.
Sometimes faith and knowledge can collide. The guy in the crowd couldn't grasp all the answers that He wanted and while Jesus honors his desire to understand and learn more, His echoing message back to the guy was "for now, just trust me. That is how you become a child of God." The same is true for us. I was searching for greater significance in Jesus's words (as we should) and He reminded me yet again that sometimes our learning is best boiled down to us simply trusting Him. That's big in my life right now. Each thing He has taught me this year and each thing He will continue to show us always comes back to a greater understanding of who He is and how we are simply called to trust Him, even when we don't understand or we cannot see down the road ahead of us. That's a little piece of what I've learned today and a large piece of what I've learned as I've grown deeper with Christ in my lifetime.
There is always much to learn. There is always much reason to trust.
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