blog break

I'm taking a break from all that's going on around me to write for a minute... about nothing important. Sometimes for me, writing is just peaceful. My friend Lauren and I talked last night about things God designed us to enjoy just simply because they make us smile. Writing is one of those things for me. In fact, I've been doing a lot of those things lately. Here's a collaboration of my random thoughts:

thought: The beautiful weather lately has been entirely rocking my world. Everyone is in such a beautiful mood when it's nice outside... Last week my roommates and I browsed through the stores at 5 points and it was Heaven. Today my mom (interjection: my parents came to take us to lunch on Sunday and I had a blast. Have I mentioned I think they're incredible?) and her friend and friend's son came to spend the day in Athens. Sam is in sixth grade and precious to me. He wanted to see the campus, hang out, see the baseball field and stadium, etc. and we spent a good chunk of time downtown browsing the fun shops. The day included baseball, records, books, chacos, yogurt, and a lot of smiles. I'll skip the details... but it was awesome.

Found Jackson Street Bookstore downtown. Its full of beautiful old books. I was in love. I took this really bad cell phone picture... but I'd love to go back with my camera sometime. My rainy day dream for this place is the camera, a cup of coffee, and a good friend. Loving all the stories in these old books, in more ways than one.

 

thought: So this was awesome-- today I got this in the mail: 

 

Yep, that says "Chaco Cash." A few weeks ago, Chaco had a haiku contest on Twitter. I was sitting at Chickfila (one of my most inspiring places) and I wrote a silly haiku and guess what? I won! They asked me for my mailing address and today I jumped with joy when I received this $110 gift certificate of sorts. Have I already ordered a new pair of Chacos? Yes I have. Am I pumped? Yes I am. Was I proud? Maybe a little.

thought: This has been my life as of the past few days:

 

You know you're overly multi-tasking when you literally have your computer screen stretched out onto this many surfaces. My to-do list is about to eat me. I feel like I'm swimming as fast as I can and still about to drown. But you know what? This high level of productivity has felt great and despite the fact that I'm stressed beyond belief and haven't really slept in two days, the Lord has been teaching me so much about His peace and His beauty. Sometimes you need to take a break to blog, to talk to someone, or to just run around outside. You've gotta stay sane... hopefully life will calm a little after this crazy weekend that's in front of me. I got a sweet reminder from Daniel last night that "when everything seems to be moving chaotically around us, He wants us to turn to Him in all circumstances. To not lift our souls to another." Amen. Everything is moving chaotically, but I think I secretly love it. I at least love what God has been showing my timid and fragile heart. Those are words that I journal often...

thought: There's potential of going on a great adventure very soon. It's on the horizon and I hope it happens. I'm itching to get out of town for a day... do something unplanned, unexpected, illogical. We'll see.

thought: Dinner theater is this weekend! Hip hooray! So proud of how hard everyone has worked and can't wait to see the show. Serving coordination might kill me, but hey, serving the Lord and enabling others to participate in summer missions makes it all worthwhile! Come check out 7 Brides, and enjoy this artwork done by my lovely roommate. Did I mention she's an artist? It's true. 

dishes.

I woke up this morning a little senselessly heavy hearted, rolled over and saw the sun streaming through the window yet again, and decided it would be a lovely morning to meet with the Lord on the back porch in the sunshine. I've been reading (slowly) through the book One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp and I love the challenge it presents to live fully, wholly, right where you are in the here and now. It has challenged me to seek the beauty of the Lord in our every situation. Ann tells her story of living as a farmer's wife, the mother of 6 kids, while facing a lot of hardship. One of my favorite parts is the dedication of the book-- For the Farmer, who tended and grew my soul. Mmm. This morning I was touched by a lot of what I read, but this one passage in particular is ringing clearly through my mind and probably not for exactly the reasons Ann intended it to.

   "You will want to see this."

   He takes my shoulders in his hands, large and field worn, and draws me close. I fight the urge to writhe.

   It's not him. Not his hands holding me, the whisper of his voice, his eyes inviting me now. It's just that I'm feeling time's strangling grip, struggling to make a cathedral of the moment, to hallow it with the holy all here. It's late and I've got an even later dinner to dish onto eight empty plates. A half dozen children noisily, happily, ring the table with their hardly washed hands and silly jokes replete with snorts and grunts and dirty feet still needing bathing. And I haven't served the dinner yet, haven't sliced up the loaf of bread yet, haven't put away the basil, oregano, parsley, the peelings of carrots, the skins of onions, the jars of tomatoes. Still have to grate the cheese into circles in the soup bowls. Still have to wash the dishes, sweep the floors, wash up kids, turn down beds, kneel for the prayers weary and long and needy. My gratitude journal is buried under a mess of papers over the sinks sill with yesterday's snippets of the list that never ends...

   --but nothing counted today. And I know my camera is lying facedown in a cupboard and my windows are finger smudged and my head is right spun and when I carry the water pitcher to the table it leaves drops of clear on the counter, round rim of a circle, one large in the center, and it looks like an eye.

   For a moment, I notice.

   I stare back.

   Then wipe it away.

   The aping racket rises and I feel it mount and I almost yield to its vie, almost acquiesce, almost desecrate the space with words that snap. "Can't I just see whatever it is later?"

   But he's holding on to me gentle. He's smiling broadly. He's leaning his face into all my knotted angst, and his hands slide down my arms, bold, blind love, and his thick fingers twine mine. "Come."

   "Right now?" Can't he see the kids, hear the kids, feel the crush of all these kids?

   He's grinning silly, man-boy with a secret he can hardly contain.

   He leads me the impossible distance of a whole two steps to the windowsill. I'm transfixed. Wonder gapes the mouth open and spirits the words away. 

   His whisper brushes the curl of my ear, "When I saw it, I knew you'd want it too."

   Want it? Who can breathe? I am moon-eyed and moonstruck. I turn to find his eyes and to find words. "Serve dinner? So I can..." So I can what? What is it exactly that I want to do?

   "...So I can run out there?"

   He's laughing at me all wide-eyed, but I don't care and he's used to it, he who made vows to a woman seeker and hunter and chaser. No-- he didn't actually make vows to that woman. But this is the woman I am becoming. That eucharisto is making me-- fulfilling thanks vows to God. I am starved and feast makes me wild. Because really, who gets to touch the moon? Tonight she's close. I might.

   He grins, nods go, and I breathe relief and I remember to grab the camera off the shelf but forget to close the cupboard and I am gone, out the back door, across the back lawn, apron still on.

   I take flight. I feel foolish, like a woman taking photographs of cheese....

One Thousand Gifts, pp. 102-104

I'll stop there. She goes on to comically tell about chasing the moon and about her childhood and the thought of the neighbors watching her and the beauty and magnitude of God and how He asks us, much like he asked the blind man in Luke "What do you want me to do for you?" I could unpack that thought for a while, but that's not where the Lord took hold of me this morning.

I love this story. I love the image of her being so distracted with the million things she has to do and him sweetly, gently pulling her away from it knowing that if she listens, puts it all aside, she will find something beautiful that will captivate her. He knows her, knows what she loves, and is willing to take everything from her that she might be able to chase her dreams. I love this because it looks exactly like my life every single day.

No, I don't have anyone who fits the role of her farmer husband in my life and thankfully I also don't currently have six children. And all of that is okay. I can dream (and often do) of having someone to pull me away, but what I do have is a God who does the very same thing and a to-do list that consumes my mind as well. I have to wonder how often in life God is pulling me, gently leading me to something that will make me smile, and I respond with "can't You wait? don't you see all that I have to do?". I would never do it on purpose, but I know that the Lord is whispering to my heart each day-- whispering people who need to be loved, whispering ways I can serve, and whispering simple things to just make me smile. He knows me better than anyone else ever will and I have to wonder how often I'm missing out on the moon because I'm distracted by the dishes.

When I finished reading this morning I looked around me and laughed a little bit. The first thing I saw? The back porch view of Pineview. It's not a cute place. Our neighbors throw garbage off their porch, the weeds are incredible, I have a great view of a dirt hill, and often the dumpster cats run wild. But I found God there. In the sunshine, in the birds, in the fact that I've been given such a wonderful life. Nothing could have been as sweet this morning as putting aside the things that are worrying me, plaguing me, and just being still and knowing that He is God. I'm not so good at that some days.

I wrote a journal entry yesterday which I titled 'Grateful.' about the fact that if nothing more ever comes, I am grateful for what the Lord has given me today. 

Live fully in the moment. Bloom where planted. Be still and know that I am God.

whales.

Blogging world... I have missed you.
I skipped out on last week's Five for Friday post because I was headed six hours south to Brewton, Alabama for a DiscipleNow weekend. It was overall a more than incredible weekend of biblical teaching, intentional conversations, and beautifully amazing people. It was so nice to put all of life's demands on hold for the weekend to hang out and love on these kids, and I've seriously not had such an incredible DNow group in a long, long time. I love the people of this town and how the girls are beginning to thirst for the Lord. The sense of community there is overwhelming and it was beautiful to let the Lord teach me through both the weekend and the long drive both ways. Mmm, so so good.

Got to serve alongside my precious girls...

 love on them and hear their precious stories and heartbeats...

met and realized I'm in love with this girl...

and even got to spend a little bit of time with this guy. Always a blessing.

Overall, it was a beautiful weekend and the Lord has been teaching me a lot as a result of it. About halfway home my phone began to blow up again with emails and meeting reminders and assignments so I took a deep breath and jumped head first back into a busy week. Monday afternoon staff meeting for church rolled around and as I left it early to get back to Athens for my night class, I grabbed a sheet of paper and began to write an all-encompassing to-do list as I drove. It was at that point that the Lord and I shared this conversation as He began to slowly reveal things to my heart.

I'm so ready to give of myself fully to something.

It's funny, because my sweet friend Daniel told me the very same thing that night on the phone and my beautiful accountability partner, Laura, echoed it again to me today at lunch. The thought process is this: I know what it is I'm called to and I am so ready to be doing exactly what I know God has made me for. I'm so passionate about things and I'm not sufficed by doing them halfheartedly. If it's love on kids in Alabama, I want to do that fully and not have to worry about a million other things. If it's love on kids in Winder, I want to do that and not have to run back for class. I want to give of myself wholly to what I am called to do, made to do, and not be spreading myself so thin between seven different things.

But at the same time, I know that I am where I'm called to be in this time in my life. Daniel and I talked also this week about the concept of blooming where you're planted... I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that God has big plans for me here and now in Athens and I get the chance to live that out. God lays on my heart often the reminder to be still, know He is God, and seek out His little whispers in life. I was reminded of this between classes and meetings yesterday when I ran into a girl who used to live across the hall from me in my dorm. I haven't seen her in years and almost didn't stop to say hey (I'm far too busy for that, right?) but am so glad I did. I excitedly yelled her name and asked how she was at which point the tears began to flood down her face. People all around us are going through things and hurting and we are called to be Christ to those people, regardless of weather or not I've got three tests and twelve meetings to make it to. But how do we begin to slow ourselves down when we're overcommitted? I'm tired of not being able to give fully and be as aware as I should be... I pray daily that the Lord will give me His eyes to see the people around me.

Laura put it to me this way today. We are so much more like Jonah than we think we are. I may not be blatantly running away from my call to take the gospel to Nineveh and I'm sure hoping not to get swallowed by a whale, but me filling my life up with so many different things is a way in which I am running from what God wants me to do. Don't get me wrong, everything I have going on is good stuff but if I'm giving of myself to 12 things, am I able to give of myself fully to the Lord and be sensitive to Him? I'm left without the time at the end of the day to soak up His word to the extent that I would like, but I also think it's a beautiful thing that my thirst for Him is so unquenchable. I think He meant us to always be wanting more...

This is just a thought but I feel it's relevant to a lot of us right now. I'm going 100 miles an hour and looking forward to moving on to something else-- to a day when I am able to do what I am made to do 24/7. But the reality is that I'm made to mirror Christ, to bring Him with me wherever I go, and I can do that right here and now. Bloom where you're planted. Trust me, I'm anxious to go back to Brewton, Alabama and I can't wait to move to Jackson, Mississippi. I'd go now if I could. But I can't. And there's something beautiful about that.

Thoughts?

swan dive down

Last night was an absolutely incredible night hanging out with The Civil Wars at my favorite venue, The Melting Point. My friends and I literally stood front and center of the stage and it was an incredible time to enjoy their new music as well as their unbelievable stage personalities. Joy Williams is such a bundle of joy and it's always a blast to watch her and John Paul interact with one another. I fully enjoyed standing in the very front and watching them laugh at our singing and dancing... unbelievable night.

A few pics...

friday friday

Another rainy day... go figure. Somehow the month of February always shapes up to be depressing weather wise. I've been doing a lot to combat that weather... reading books, writing letters, eating an unfortunate number of cupcakes. But today is a great day to be done with class, wearing your favorite jeans, and headed into a relaxing day off.

Five thoughts:

1) I have a date tomorrow night. Yep. He's sweet, fun, has a passionate heart for the Lord, and is driving to Athens just to have dinner with me. I'm pretty pumped. A girl's really never too old to go on dates with her Dad anyway, right? :)

2) I decided just this week that I would really like to live in Europe. I'm not talking about long term, I'm just thinking for maybe a year... I picture myself living in a little villa, getting to speak french, ministering to the people of the local town, and just soaking up life. I don't know, it just sounds exciting. I'm beginning to think I picture my life after college too often and need to remember to be content with the here and now. I don't know if this is just my rainy day dreams or the Lord beginning to pull something together in my life... sometimes I think it could be both.

3) I just got started today working on a project in the Athens community and I am way excited about it. A small team of us (8 specifically...) are working to "Bring the World to Athens" and through a series of different sponsorships and large events work to be able to support sending a local Athens student who could otherwise not afford it to study abroad. A lot of ideas are being thrown around right now but I walked away from this morning's meeting excited to think of the impact this program could make on the community and on local lives today and years down the road. I'm also pumped about the thought of hosting an International Street Fair... all just ideas for now. Can you tell I have a passion for the international?

4) I'm leading a DNow in South Alabama next weekend and I am beginning to prepare and pray. I am insanely excited because this church came to camp over the summer and to be honest, some of my favorite kids were from there-- there's one in particular that I'm super excited about seeing. I'm also excited about the opportunity to jump out of Athens and serve for a weekend. God has been teaching me so much and I'm looking forward to the opportunity to share who He is and what He has done with these kids. I'm praying for connections, for relevancy, and for life change for everyone involved... myself included.

5) I'm so very tired of being sick. I got an email from the health center yesterday with the opening line "The flu is here." Great, thanks for that daunting information. I'm about to explode to just get out, go for a run, shake this off and feel better... I think it all plays back to the weather though. I will say, however, that this week has been highly productive for me academically and that I've gotten to spend some sweet time at my desk soaking up the Word, reading, and writing. I was captivated earlier this week by this quote: "If you want to change the world, pick up your pen." -Martin Luther Love it. A rainy day inside can be nice every now and then.

Well friends, that's my 5 for Friday following an uneventful week. Lunch time :)

spontaneity

Confession: Life has been a little crazy for me the past few days. I haven't quite been myself. If you know me you know that I am rarely stressed out and not easily agitated... except for this week. I accredit it to a mix of a few things, namely the intense amount of steroids I was put on for a bronchial infection. Guh-reat. That being said, my thoughts for the day are this:

This morning as I was driving to class, I found myself stuck behind a little green car with the strange urge to just follow it and see where I ended up. Is that weird? Absolutely. It also isn't normally advisable. (and I think part of me just hoped that car would drive to Chick Fil A for a biscuit... but back to the story now.) I had the strange desire this morning to just throw my schedule to the wind and go in pursuit of some sort of great adventure. To be honest, I drove a little further than I normally do, running the risk of being late to class, before I finally took a turn back on the path toward my parking spot, my classes, and my long list of meetings for the day. I walked through the morning's dreary February weather thinking this thought: I almost threw my schedule to the wind and followed a dream on a whim. So much of me really wishes that I had.

This thought became more relevant this afternoon as I sat and discussed ministry tactics with a friend. We discussed the fact that so often we fully plan our schedules and count it such a victory to have everything calendared early (when did calendar become a verb in my life?), have all the details down, and have everything planned and ready to go. And trust me, more than almost anyone I know I am a huge fan of having everything preplanned and fully organized. I obsessively check my schedule multiple times a day, can tell you the plans for the rest of the week, and so many days live from meeting to meeting, always planning two steps ahead. We as a culture take pride in being able to do just that-- be on top of the ball, be prepared and ready to go. It's the way I'm wired.

But I remember a conversation I had with a sweet friend one day standing in the hot August sun outside the bcm. He and I were sharing stories of our summers at camp and what the future would hold when our conversation shifted into this thought:

When our calendars are slammed and every second is planned out, where is the room for the Holy Spirit?

A valid question. I crash at night time because I run myself 100 miles an hour most days, doing great things for great purposes, but am I able to sit and listen to the still, small voice of God? You could tie it back to the story of Mary and Martha in Luke 10 and how Jesus appreciated Mary taking the time to sit and be still in front of the Savior. I do my best to do that daily, but am I doing my best to be sensitive to the Lord at all hours of the day?

First Kings tells the story of the prophet Elijah. Elijah was commanded to go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord with the knowledge that God himself was about to pass by. The story goes on and says this: "Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave." This story is one of my favorites and it speaks to me in a refreshing way so often. God is obviously in the big things that we do each day, but he is also most apt to speak to my heart when I steady myself with a willingness to hear His gentle whispers. For me that requires a little refocusing. If our every second of every day are planned out to a T, when will we remember to listen to the gentle, quiet promptings that the Lord lays on our hearts? Sure, it can be done. And sure, I'm a huge fan of planning. But my heart is desiring more time to just be sensitive to where He leads me and where He calls me. Let's not lose track of that.

Per usual, all of that was just a thought from the deep ramblings of my brain today. I encourage you guys to join me on not running 100 miles an hour... on stopping to see the people that need to be spoken to, on stopping to hear the little whispers of the Lord. Life gets way too bogged down way too easily. Just a thought.

Also, congrats to The Civil Wars on hitting number one on itunes today with the release of their new album, Barton Hollow. So good. Can't wait to see them live again next Monday night! Enjoy :)