blog it out...

I've had a slight revelation tonight. Today has been a really rough day and I've been in kind of a funk lately-- it's all been a build up to be almost too much for me to handle. I am honestly very tired of being home and it's manifesting itself in a claustrophobic feel, one that has resulted in me being less than laura towards my parents lately, which is weird for me because God has really been teaching me all year just how precious time with people you love really is. I've been struggling some because I haven't been getting any time with the rest of the people I love so dearly and I'm just frustrated and (in true laura form) ready to keep doing and moving. I came to the conclusion that I'm sick of being at home because I am so desperately tired of not being able to serve and pour out. I feel like I really have no outlet for service and that is such a part of my heartbeat. I should be cherishing this time to rest and store up before camp, but I'm crying out that I'm ready.

And God's crying back that I'm not.

I should be making more and more of this time to store up and grow closer to the Lord, but I've been stuck in a mentality of "I'll do this tomorrow...". The funny thing about tomorrow is that it never comes. The second part to my baby realization tonight is that... (you're probably already thinking it) I'm an idiot. Who in the world says I don't have the opportunity to serve actively here? If nothing else, I have the chance to be a blessing in the lives of my parents for the next week or so that I spend in this house. What am I thinking to say that God can't use me there? You don't have to be on the mission field or even in the church to be actively used by God. I know that, why have I not been seeing it more clearly?

Romans 8: 35 says "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?" Good old Oswald Chambers got me thinking tonight (he's great at that.) Should being in a position where serving is more hidden separate me from the love of Christ? Should the time I've been given of rest and preparation not be taken as a giant blessing? Stop being antsy, open your eyes to see things the way the Lord sees them, pray, seek, learn, grow, and enjoy this calm before the storm. Easier said than done? Of course.

I've got a week left. I'm going to rock it out. And you know what? I'm not waiting until tomorrow to get it started.