friday, friday...

Yes, that blog title was a Rebecca Black reference. Judging myself for that one. Today I've had a lot of random thoughts... and it's friday... so that equals one thing: Five for Friday post. It's been a while since I've had one of those. Enjoy :)

1) I'll try to make this one short (though I doubt it will be) but filled with honesty. Sometimes in life we experience times where we hear from God clearly and often. And sometimes we don't... This past week I'll admit that I've kind of been in one of those 'don't' spots. Until yesterday. To be honest I've been frustrated with it. I've been in the Word daily and just craving one of those 'aha moments' where the Lord reveals something monumental and earth shaking to me... and I haven't really gotten it. I've been reading Walking with God by John Eldredge, a book that focuses on truly being able to hear from God. Yesterday morning the Lord began to bring full circle everything I've been reading this week (He has a knack for doing that, you know) and I began the morning by finding this quote in the book:

 

Let go of the pressure that says you have to hear from him right now or things aren't right between you. Things are fine. You are his. Rest your heart and your relationship there.

  

Those words were big for me... caught me right where I struggle the most.  I'll save the rest of that conversation for later, however, and flow right on into the second part of this story... 

 

2). After reading this, I got an opportunity to drive to Duluth for the Orange Conference. If you read my blog post yesterday, you might have picked up on how heavy my heart was... I feel like I wrote that ten years ago but that's another story entirely. Driving to the conference, my prayer was this: "Lord, give me words today." Words to speak to people who needed to hear them... words of wisdom... anything. Just give me words. And that reminded me: I have this friend, you might know her, and the Lord has given her the gift of prophecy. I'm beginning to understand that more and it moves me to hear her talk about it. So often when she shares stories with me she says it this way: "I got words for her." meaning that the Lord literally gives her things to say to other people. The stories of the results of her acts of obedience are phenomenal and I believe that all of us do this to some degree but it's definitely one of her spiritual gifts. Not mine. Yesterday morning I told Elissa I was in a weird mood and didn't know why but I just needed to go sit and blog. I had this realization yesterday afternoon: the Lord gives each of us words in different ways. She gets words to speak to people. Me? I get this desire burning inside of me to write and it will not rest until I do so. It consumes me... weird? Definitely. But hey, if the Lord lays a message on my heart for even one person to read then okay... okay. That was just an interesting thought. Or maybe you didn't find it interesting... and that's okay too :) 

 

3) I had a really cool rest of the day with the Lord yesterday. Somehow last night I found myself alone in a private suite at the Gwinnett Arena listening to Needtobreath. It was like Daddy Daughter date night with God... I loved every second of it. Favorite part? As one song was about to end I asked the Lord if they could please play a little Washed by the Water. It's my fav. Know what notes started to play just seconds later? You got it. I was beaming. Alone in a box. Just hanging out with the Lord. Pretty cool.

 

 

Also at Orange I made a new friend and got to pretend I worked for Sweet Sleep for a little while. That was a fun story. I'd work for them in real life... I also decided I want to be a conference blogger. Did you know they have those? Yeah.

 

4) Well, all of those thoughts were really intended to be one... but I knew I'd never keep anyone interested without at least pretending to keep this thing moving. Here's number four: I'm seeing a new trend in ministry pop up all over everywhere. Elissa and I had a great chat about this today. Let me see if I can sum it up briefly... I'm seeing people all over the place answer the call to allow the members of their ministry, the volunteers, etc., to take it and run with it. This is your place to love and serve. I heard this concept this at Orange multiple times and it reminds me of our new bcm structure. Ministry isn't about a team of leaders planning things for others. It's about a team of leaders empowering others to serve in the way that they see fit and use the gifts that God has given them. Sometimes in leadership roles it's really hard to let go of that desire to be the one in charge and to just say "Hey, you guys got this. What do you want to see happen? Go for it." It's interesting... I'm loving watching this play out. The cool realization I had today is this though: That seems to take away from your role as a leader, right? Not at all. Because here's the thing-- if you don't take the time to sit and invest in your people, you'll never know what their spiritual gifts are. You'll never know where their talents lie and where they feel the Lord is most equipping them to serve. This perspective shifts your role in ministry, not diminishes it. Sometimes letting people serve the way they feel most called to serve is the very best way to minister to them. They don't have to have it all together to serve... praise God that He never asks us to have it all together.

5) The last and final thought on this lengthy post is this: Last night we had a bunch of girls over and had a 4 am Princess Party to watch the royal wedding. Judge away. No, none of us cared much about the wedding... but we always jump at the opportunity to turn the living room into a princess tent. Colorful sheets, christmas lights, paper crowns, muffins, and glittery stars hanging from the ceiling... it was a dream day. We were girls for the night. We laughed til we couldn't breathe. I'll never stop loving my roommates (how many times have I mentioned that?). I pray I never forget the nights like this one. Something about finals always brings out the best in us.

Sorry these are completely unedited. Time is fleeting today... merp.

fullness

Sometimes you crave a few minutes to just sit and write... I'm heading to the Orange kidmin conference this afternoon and my leaving time just got delayed by about an hour. I call that a blessing in disguise... so much of me knows I should be writing a paper right now but there's just something about blogging that clears my soul, helps me process.


Let's see if I can collaborate all these thoughts...


This morning's been an odd morning for me. A fun one but a hard one all at the same time. After a sleepless night, I got to spend the morning laughing with the people in my cohort. I love how the different personalities have mushed together so nicely over the past nine months. There's something about community that always excites me. But we ended the morning with an award ceremony for the Michael Hendrickson scholarship award. I'd venture to say that the majority of us had no idea who Michael Hendrickson was until we had the opportunity to sit and listen to his father tell the story of losing their son. When asked to describe his son, what did he share? His testimony. In a room full of people who have so many different beliefs, it was powerful to me to hear him speak about the turning point in his son's life being when he found Christ. What was more powerful to me than that was to hear my professor, whom several of us have been praying for all year, award the scholarship to a girl with "a passion for youth development, a passion for camp, and someone that has exhibited Christ-like behavior". Here's the thing: I get that my teacher might not be walking daily in a relationship with Christ but people can recognize Christ-like character. People know what it looks like and it shakes me to see people catch hold of that. There is power in the name of Jesus....


I can't think of anybody that deserved this award more than sweet Maddie. I'm grateful for the passion with which she lives her life and the impact she's made on me over the past three years of college. We have days when we drive each other nuts, but she's a blessing through and through. Living together next year is going to be a massive adventure. I left this morning thinking, though, about how much of an impact my life has (or has not) made this year. Have I been someone that has exhibited Christ-like character to my cohort this year? Or have I been living too quietly? I made jokes one day about how someone told me that he always forgets I'm around... I made jokes but I also took that to heart. Is my life being lived loudly for the Gospel of Christ? Growing up my parents never cared too much about me making the highest grades. They would always just ask me this: "Did you do your best?" and then reaffirm me of how proud they are of me. Today I know that I haven't done my best this year... I've spent too many days being too quiet. That's not like me... and it really isn't okay.


Last night I read about joy and how the battle in our lives is against our joy. If you think about it, it holds a lot of truth. Anyone who's grown up in the church can tell you that happiness is to come and go but joy is something that we are called to have always. The joy of the Lord. Eldredge said this about joy:

"Joy as a category seemed... irrelevant. Nice but unessential. Like owning a hot tub. And distant too. The hot tub is in Fiji. Wouldn't it be nice? Ain't going to happen. Life's not really about joy. I've got all this stuff that has to get done. The mail is stacking up, and i haven't paid the bills in two months. The Service Engine Soon light came on in the Honda. Joy? Life's about surviving-- and getting a little pleasure. That's what seemed true. Really now-- how much do you think about joy? Do you see it as essential to your life, something God insists on?"

I consider myself a generally pretty joyful person but this morning I've been thinking a lot about what it means to live joyfully when you feel you've missed an opportunity or you know someone feels wronged by you or people you know are hurting and you can do nothing to help them. Most days I wish I were better with words. Today I'm praying for the destruction and the hurt across Alabama. Today my soul is torn at the thought of people being hurt, in a multitude of ways and situations. And I hate that there's not much else I can do. But we are called to live with joy through all of that. No, that was wrong. It's not that we're called to live with joy as if it's some sort of obligation. The truth is that we are allowed to live with joy in the midst of strife. This morning as I drove in silence and prayed I flipped through a stack of verses I keep in my car and found this from 2nd Corinthians:

"As the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows..."

God has plans. Big and mighty. Last night I also read in Jeremiah 16 about how the Lord's plans don't always look like the best thing but they are. We know that. Psalm 16 keeps coming back to my heart today. Particularly this:

"In your presence is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore."

What a joy, what a blessing, that each of us are able to live each day in His presence and thereby have access to the fullness of joy. That's the beauty of the Gospel-- not only that we get to live in Heaven one day but that we get to live in the here and now walking hand in hand with Christ. All throughout the new testament we see Him call us to "joy complete". I got a chance the other day to worship with an old friend and we both teared up as we sang so passionately the words "I've got the joy, I've got the joy... joyful joyful, Lord we adore Thee." That joy is the same today as it was on Tuesday, even when the world is in a state of chaos. Joyfully, Lord, we still adore Thee. This post has gotten excessively long and I'm not sure it made much sense so I'll leave you with these words (again by Eldredge):

"But joy is the point. I know it is. God says that joy is our strength. 'The joy of the LORD is your strength' (Nehemiah 8:10). I think, My strength? I don't even think of it as my occasional boost. But yes, now that I give it some thought, I can see that when I have felt joy I have felt more alive than at any other time in my life. Pull up a memory of your best moments. The day at the beach. Your eighth birthday. Remember how you felt. Now think what life would be like if you felt that on a regular basis. Maybe that's what being strengthened by joy feels like. It would be good." 

It would be good... it is good. He is good, indeed. 

-John Eldredge: Walking with God  

 

sunshine

few things are as sweet as an afternoon in the sunshine sharing old traditions with new friends...

count your blessings

Alright, this much anticipated blog post is based out of so many different things. Life this past week has been crazy (in a fantastic way) and through it all I have come to one overarching realization:

I am an incredibly lucky girl.

I don't believe lucky is the right word actually... I'm pretty sure it's more so the fact that God has blessed me in some unfathomable ways. Let me start with tonight.

Tonight was senior night at bcm. The worship tonight was amazing, so full of joy. As a few of the seniors got up to speak I realized once more just how lucky I am to be a part of a ministry that loves so dearly. Jackie stood up there and spoke and I was hit with the realization that she's leaving... Everybody knows about 100 and life wouldn't be the same without her (but I'll get to that in a minute). As all of them lined the stage and we prayed over them, I couldn't help but cry out my gratitude to the Lord. Feels literally like yesterday that Chris and I were in student council together in high school and here are all these people, about to head off into real life. Tonight I was reminded how lucky I am to have grown and been discipled under such great leadership. I'm a part of a truly amazing ministry where we seek the Lord out to the best of our ability. Sure, we mess up. But praise the Lord for His glory and His worship in that place and for the work He will continue to do in those lives in the years to come. Praise the Lord for friends to worship alongside and friends to hold onto while you cry.

...Friends. If you know me at all you know that my best friends are my roommates. I sat tonight with Season in my arms as we literally cried at the thought of leaving Jackie. Confession: I'm only going to be here until December and I'm terrified of that. I don't know where I'm going, I don't know what will happen, but I hate the thought of leaving these people behind. (Thought I know the Lord has a plan and I'm excited to see it unfold.) I am blessed beyond all measure to daily sit and discuss the Lord in my living room. I cannot find words to explain how much these girls make me laugh and how much we daily love living life together. I'd pay an awful lot of money to have a quote book from Anna and if I could keep them with me forever, I'd do it in a heartbeat. I was humbly reminded this weekend of just how much they go above and beyond for me. We've had days where we all gathered on my bed to cry, we've had plenty of days of squealing at the top of our lungs, we've eaten dinner together more times than we can count, and we've stayed up all night laughing. We share everything. They are joy to me and even when I don't realize it they are working for my good... and that brings me right into the next piece.

Let's just get real. There's this boy. Never in my life have I literally been speechless until Friday when he knocked on my door, eight hours away from where I thought he was. I'm still finding out pieces of the fact that he'd been working on this for a month now and I'm still finding myself smiling at just how perfect this weekend was. That's where the roommates come back into play... I'm blessed to have friends that rejoice in my smiles, lie to my face, and conspire behind my back. I'm blessed to have someone go far above and beyond anything I could ever have even allowed myself to dream. I'm blessed more than anything to get to see the heartbeat of someone who loves the Lord more openly and passionately than I can explain, someone who has such a genuine love for God's people... blessed to be surprised, blessed to spend time together, and above all blessed to worship alongside him. I'm still a little speechless. Mostly just confused at why he would do this for me... Mostly just confused at why the Lord continues to love us the way He does. I pray I never get over that.

I've also been reminded this week how incredibly blessed I am to be working at River Hills. Monday was a beautiful day for me-- volunteers from our church in the office laughing, sorting post cards as we prepare for Easter this weekend. God is doing insane things in our church community and we are constantly seeing people come to Christ. The crowd is growing, the people are hungry, and I count it a major win that I'm beginning to see a sense of community grow. We're blessed to have a pastor (here's your shout out, Chip.) that reminds us often that he loves us, blessed that they invest in our lives. We're blessed to come together in prayer and blessed to know that across this community this week people are on their knees seeking out the Lord's blessings upon this Sunday. I believe He's blessed it already and I'm preparing my heart to see how it all plays out...

There's a lot of good going on right now, but it's good because we choose to rejoice in it. Sure, life is stressful but look at all the beauty flowing around this place. I'm a lucky girl indeed. Above all, I'm lucky to serve a God who works all things together for the good of those who love Him. A thousand blessings all in one... The Lord is good, when we can see it and when we can't. He is holy always. I'm praying that He brings the rain and that we never lose sight of the power of His Name. Just His Name alone....

Well friends, there's laughter erupting from my living room once more. I'm off to play games, put the homework aside, and rejoice in fact that He loves us. He loves us and fills our lives up with unthinkable blessings.

immeasurably more

"In Him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of Him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of His will." --ephesians 1:11

I don't think I'll ever stop being amazed by how often the Lord shows me something in my time with Him, only to have someone echo it right back to me in the days to follow. Ephesians has been blowing my mind and I could pull a lot of truths out of it but I'm humbled today by this verse and this thought from a very dear friend.

Tuesday night a friend of mine shared the story of all the Lord has brought him through in the past few years and my heart was overjoyed to hear him speak about the sovereignty of God and how He works all things according to His plan. Those of you who know me well likely know the story from two summers ago of nearly losing a friend to a tragic car crash. You know that it shook me, that it was a huge growing point in my faith, and that I've never seen the Gospel of Christ lived out so clearly. I won't share the whole story today, but I find beauty in the fact that someone who was once pronounced dead on the side of a road today is living, laughing, and being a force that spreads a story of joy throughout the country. Tuesday night I watched two of the boys involved in the accident worshiping the Lord alongside their fiancees, families, and friends, whole and grateful. We prayed long for this day to come... and it's here. I was humbled as Jacob led worship to be able to sing with him the same songs we sang together in the ICU waiting room years ago, crying out to the same God, but this time everyone got to be a part of it. No more hospital beds, no more paralysis, no more halos and collapsed lungs and no more long afternoons on our knees simply begging that people would walk again, speak again, be able to return to life as we knew it. I'm just now beginning to figure out why God called me to be there in that time, but that's another story. Tuesday was a great day of coming full circle for a multitude of reasons. The Lord is our Deliverer and He is good indeed.

All that actually wasn't the point of what I was going to write though... but I do remember in the days of the accident crying out to the Lord that these boys faith would be strengthened, not broken. God knew they could handle it and hearing them speak about the Lord's provision the other night made my heart soar. One thing that's sticking with me this week is this thought, based off of Ephesians 1:11: whatever it is you're going through right now, good or bad, God has specifically equipped you to be able to handle it. I can see that in my own life right now. Things are great, but they are great because of every step of the journey that Christ has brought me on to be at this point. Last night I shared some of my fears with my sweet friend Allison and was reaffirmed with the truth that some of the hardships I've been through have equipped me to tackle those fears. I couldn't walk in the truth I walk in today had it not been for each thing that has happened along the way. I shared this thought with Karen the other day: In situations of hardship, we hold on to the hope that Christ has a plan for our good even though we cannot see it. It's reaffirming and rewarding to come to the end of those times and see how He has answered our prayers and how He really has used those plans to bring Him glory. His word is credible. Easy or difficult, He has equipped each of us specifically to walk hand in hand with Him at this time in our lives. I'm grateful for that.

He is the One who is able to do "immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine" (eph. 3:20), the one "who fills everything in every way" (eph. 1:23). He fills every need, every desire, every longing, every promise. The story of the boys accident is clear evidence to me that He has done immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine. When our prayers were small enough to pray just for breath in their lungs, He was faithful to send us nearly full restoration. God has given me immeasurably more than I could ask or imagine in my own life today. I've seen Him take the mediocrity of my prayers and my desires and in His own time replace them with big, wonderful things that I never even could have thought to pray for... I saw that with Dnow, I see that in the day to day life with the blessings and the people that make me smile. I think that's just a picture of who He really is... immeasurably more than all we can even imagine.

I leave you with this picture of the painting hanging in my bathroom. A sweet friend made me this on my birthday last year and I'm daily grateful for its constant reminder and its picture of love in my life.

 "We're depending on God, He's everything we need. What's more, our hears brim with joy since we've taken for our own His holy name. Love us, God, with all you've got-- that's what we're depending on." -psalm 33:22 

encourage

The Lord continues to prove Himself to be way faithful as I prove myself to be way ridiculous. This morning as I hopped into the story of Joshua for the millionth time in my life, (it's one of my favorites) I was reminded of a lot of solid truths and some new truths that pertained directly to a conversation I had with my accountability partner yesterday. I'll never stop being amazed how scripture never changes and yet is fresh and relevant to my life and my heart each day. Praises.

I'll drop you with this thought: "...do not be terrified, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." (joshua 1:9) and "Let us not grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." (galatians 6:9)

I get so easily discouraged... I'm so bad daily at knowing that the Lord does all things in His own time, and that time is perfect. Sometimes being passionate about things makes me want to see results immediately. We lived in a society of instant gratification. But as I pray and ask for patience in so many scenarios in life I hear the Lord echoing back to me "It just isn't time yet.". I had a good conversation with some friends the other day about desperately wanting to see certain people come to know the Lord or wanting certain things to happen quickly... wanting to see tangible results. But it just isn't time yet. Patience, my children. Patience.

Today was a massive blessing. Today I got to climb a tree, lay in a hammock, go slacklining, and be with my friends in the sunshine. Today I got to be behind the camera again... I haven't put that much effort into taking pictures in months. Unfortunately they're on Nick's camera... I'm exploding to get to post them.

I'll leave this post with this 100% true story of encouragement for today. I threw on my chacos a few minutes ago to make the long hike up the street to the mailboxes. As I walked I had these thoughts: I'm a mess. I compulsively check the mail. Never waiting for anything, never expecting anything. Just always checking, dreaming of getting something that makes me smile but always just taking Sydney the cable bills. I may never understand why I do this, but at least someone clears all the coupons out of the mailbox multiple times a week. This thought got cut short when I stopped to talk to my friend Jackson and upon opening the mailbox today I found the strangest, sweetest random piece of mail I've ever received. I ask you, who mails people license plates with words of encouragement written across the back? I ask you again how the Lord knew today that it was just exactly what I needed. I thrive off of encouragement. Do not be discouraged. Do not grow weary in doing good. God proves Himself always to be faithful, even when I daily struggle to seek to understand how to selflessly follow Him. I have incredible friends, incredible roommates, incredible people in my life. I'm a lucky girl. Anyone who stands in the street holding a license plate and smiling might be a little ridiculous, but I like it that way.

I got the sweetest encouraging text message from a friend in my class the other day asking how I maintain listening so closely to the Lord in this time of business and insanity. It was an unthinkable blessing and a huge encouragement but I realized that a part of the answer is that I'm not getting my schoolwork done like I should... :) womp womp, off to a group meeting.

freedom

I believe that very often I am too quick to just agree with things without ever stopping to ask questions. Why? What does that mean? What do I think about that? Unless I blatantly disagree with something, I tend to just go with it. In conversations with others I think that this is based out of my nonchalant desire to avoid conflict but over the years I have learned to be more proactive with these situations. Often times the same can be true of me reading scripture. Hear me right, the bible is the infallible word of God. I believe every piece of it to be true. But often stopping to dwell on the meaning of one verse can fill us up more in a day than reading straight through an entire book of scripture. Digest it. Ask questions-- not of whether or not it is true, but of why it's worded the way it is and what exactly is meant by it. It's true, yes, but what makes it true? Where are the connections? What does it mean for me?

The other night I was reading through Galatians 5 and I didn't make it very far. I read the first verse and stopped, slightly puzzled. Maybe it was just in my exhaustion that I didn't think of this sooner... maybe it's obvious to the rest of you. But the verse says this:

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free."

Christ has set us free. I got that part... but in that moment, I had to think through the beginning of the verse. It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. I think I would expect it to read something more along the lines of "It is for His glory that Christ has set us free.". What's so special about freedom, in and of itself, that it is the answer to the question of why Christ would pay it all to set us free? Almost seems like answering the question with itself, doesn't it? Everybody who's ever been to school knows you're not supposed to do that, right? Christ paid such a huge price to set us free just for the sake of freedom itself? There has to be more to it than that. Christ has to be receiving something in this situation, doesn't He?

We are set free not for our sake but for the sake of freedom... Freedom must, then, be that important to Christ. Like I said, I would expect it to read that it was for His glory that He set us free. But freedom brings glory, right? Christ has set us free just for that-- that we might be free. Once we are free, we have to choose what to do with said freedom and therefor bringing Christ glory becomes our choice. I'm sure it's so much sweeter to receive glory when it is freely given than if it were an obligation. Christ could force us all to glorify Him. He could, but He doesn't. He set us free for the sake of freedom-- that we would be masters of our own decisions and thereby be able to consciously hand that freedom back over to Him and allow Him to become everything and us nothing. Verse 2 of the same chapter says not to let us be burdened again by the yoke of slavery. But He gives us the gift of freedom and we can to trade it in and enter into being His servant for life. The difference here is that when we enter into being His servant, scripture tells us that His yoke is easy and His burden is light. This verse isn't saying to avoid slavery at all costs-- it's saying to choose wisely who will be your master. Because of freedom, we have the gift of choosing to give that freedom back to enter into the slavery that is love at it's purest form. Wow... that's a circle to follow. Confused? Let me see if I can sum it up in one sentence...

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free because freedom allows us the beautiful choice to let Him gently and lovingly take full control of our lives.

He gives us freedom to watch us give it back to Him, only to find ourselves living in the full freedom of the Gospel. It's everything. It's confusing. It's beauty and incomprehensible truth. I might never fully get it but hey, faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you cannot see.

This weekend I watched several students at River Hills walk into freedom. Some of them were accepting that freedom for the very first time, some of them were tasting what it meant to allow Christ to have control of the freedom they had been given. It is there that we find we truly live and my heart was beyond bursting with joy to see these kids that I love so dearly grasp hold and understand Christ's truths. The Gospel is moving. It is at work. I loved seeing Christ move in mighty, inexperienced ways and I loved the magnitude of the reminder that He sure didn't need my help to show up. Yes, He used our leaders and our staff this weekend but I think we would all agree that the life change that happened was by nothing we did but solely by the power and the magnitude of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. mm, tis so sweet to trust in Jesus.

I'll leave this post and return to my homework now with a few of my favorite random images from Saturday morning. These kids are incredible. God has mighty, mighty plans for their lives.

 This is so sick... The newest member of our team.

 Sometimes in life you hurt your knee in the bushes. I love how annoyed he looks about this.