heartbeat

Another entry tonight coming to you straight from the pages of my journal... As I get excited about these things, I don't feel I should just keep them all to myself. My prayer for sharing so honestly is not that it would reflect well on me, but that the thoughts the Lord lays down on my heart would speak specifically to someone else's as well. I'm starting this one off with a quote from Daniel's blog post tonight-- it spoke such truth and beauty. Thank you to those who share their hearts so sincerely. 

"i think that's why my heart is so overwhelmed. because i feel the heartbeat of my Savior."

I don't think this could have been summed up any better. I'm still living on the humility and vulnerability of the moment I wept for the children of New Orleans and how passionate my heart is learning to become as of late. I read these words in Philippians 3 today: 

"for, as I have often told you before and now say again even with tears, 

many live as enemies of the cross of Christ." (v. 18)

So many people are living as enemies of the cross... reminds me of the blatant reality of Ephesians 2. So many are living as enemies and at the same time God is welling up such a drive and a passion inside of so many of us. For me, it seems to be paired with an unquenchable thirst for His word each morning and throughout the day... I've prayed for that for years and I'm humbled at how obediently Christ is answering. I burn for the Lord as white hot tears stream down faces for the lost and broken. I burn for the Lord as I sit beside a student in service who is adamantly soaking up the pastors every word, seeking. I burn for the Lord as we sit silently around our kitchen table trying to make sense of the broken pieces of losing someone, searching for the words that bring comfort and healing. In that moment those tears flood back to my face and I swallow them, knowing the best we can do is to be still before the Lord as we let Him live out Romans 8:26. How beautiful that He intercedes for us when we don't even know what to pray for. 

People always tell you that Christianity doesn't profess itself to be easy... and yet Christ tells us that His yoke is easy and His burden is light. Why is it that the closer to God's heart I draw and the more He makes me whole, the more my heart breaks for those around me? I think that's how it's supposed to work... We're called to have a heart for the widows and the orphans and if anyone who is Fatherless counts as an orphan, then may the Lord break my heart daily for the lost and hurting. And may the words of my journal present a tangible echo in my life. In Philippians, Paul described the lost of the world even with tears. The passion in the story of Nehemiah looks very similar. Should I not be made more broken as He makes me more whole?

To hear a heartbeat you have to get close to someone. It's a beautifully sweet moment when you quiet yourself, lay your head gently on the chest, and listen to the true heartbeat, the methodical, rhythmic source of life. It takes a lot of trust to get that close and be that vulnerable-- trust on both parts. It's the same with God. I have to continue to quiet myself, open my ears, and trust in the constant, life-sustaining heartbeat of the living God. As I trust Him more, He entrusts more to me. The tears and the calling are overwhelming, yes, but it's a beautiful kind of burden; a taking of the hand and running head-first into the unknown. Trusting. Surrender your heart and it is filled with a frightening passion-- passion to feel things far beyond my reach or my vision. One day at a time may I be overwhelmed until there's simply nothing left of me.