daily footsteps: come

I just got home from our bcm mission trip to New Orleans and I have so very much to be thankful about. It was an incredible trip and I loved watching the Lord move in so many different teams and so many different ways. We did construction, worked with kids, ministered to sailors, worked in sex trafficking, worked with the homeless, and so on. I have so, so many good stories to share. But after a 10+ hour drive today, a quick run, and a lofty clean up of my apartment, I'm exhausted to say the least. But right now I want to do something that I rarely (if ever) do with this blog... Blogging has my heart, yes, but more often than that it comes through in the pages of my journal. I want to share tonight the words that I sprawled across the pages of my journal as tears flowed down my face after our first day in New Orleans. It gives a great picture of what my team was doing, the unexpected we faced, and the passion the Lord welled up inside of us. I was on the 'kids team' and a few days before we arrived, our plans all fell through. We ended up with the beautiful opportunity to work in an inner city public school and just love on the people there. I'll blog tomorrow about the outcome and the change (and post more pictures), but I think this is a good place to start for now. Bear with my unedited honesty... and watch as the story unfolds further.

"Less than one full day in Nola and my heart is literally about to combust. The Lord is working and moving in mighty ways. I'm so grateful for the spiritual affirmation and for the guidance and direction in my life.

Less than a week ago I blogged about the desire to somehow, somehwere be in the public school system. That is exactly where I found myself today. My heart is shattered for these kids and after thinking/praying through what on earth the Lord's will for me is in Arise Academy, I think I may have a foothold on it. Maybe? My heart is torn for the way these kiddos are treated. My special needs girl got yelled at today and lost her snack for tomorrow because she shared her goldfish with a girl who'd lost hers for bad behavior. That makes me want to throw up with how wrong it is. What a missed moment for grace. It seems nobody else notices the moment when Bernard, after an hour of being a terror, is the only one on his knees consoling the girl who is crying after losing a game. I pray daily that the Lord would give me His eyes to see... has He answered that cry? I'm so frustrated but the realization I've had is this: It is selfish for me to expect these teachers to show that kind of love to these kids if they do not know that love themselves. This school needs love and if God is love then you can do the math on that. Josh told me I'm like Paul in Galatians; livid at the fact that someone has told these kids if you don't walk where I say, talk when I say, do xyz, then you are undeserving of love. Mm, what a good word. Now I have to regroup, reassess, and figure out how to be the hands and feed of Christ not just to these kids tomorrow, but very specifically and intentioanlly to these teachers.

I think this is deeper than this week for me though. I'm trying to figure things out and I'm humbled by how much passion God has welled up in my heart. I'm the cry of Habbakuk-- what are you doing, Lord? I don't understand. But am I beginning to? Where is it that the Lord wants me next year? The fact that I stood outside this afternoon and wept openly for the hearts of these children is alive. It's breathing and it's relevant.

I opened today with Psalm 84 and headed out with this thought: Oh Lord Almighty, Blessed is the man who trusts in You. -ps. 84:12

Trusting the Lord tomorrow for guidance and open gates. Let nothing hinder the children from coming to Him."

And that's where I sat after day one. The story gets better-- in fact it takes a 180. I was so touched and blessed by the teacher of this class the next two days... but I'm saving all of that for tomorrow. For now, check out a few of these faces that I pray never stop being so dear to my heart.

This is Bernard-- one of my all time favorites. The littlest, the one in the most trouble, the one with the snottiest nose and the most precious heart. I would've brought him home with me in a heart beat.