trees

Today I want to go here:

 

...or here 

and in the morning when I wake up, maybe I'll be here. (though I think your pillows would be soggy...)

annnnd I'd like to go here. I have a thing about tree houses. I'm going to have one again one day soon.

But for tonight I will sit on the neighbor's couch and eat fruit out of a beautiful teacup. I will soak in the joys of today-- walking downtown and talking camp and the power of the Gospel in the lives of kids with a sweet friend; getting to chat on the phone with my favorite future ga tech bcm president; getting to finally see some sunshine... I'll be content to sit and smile and wait... wait actively on God.

The Lord is faithful. Always. What a sweet reminder He sent Jillian and I today of how He works, how He moves, and how He reveals truth in our lives. He is never far from us, constantly working, and actively revealing Himself in my life as I seek out losing all things in order to gain more of Him.

How lovely is your dwelling place,
   LORD Almighty!
² My soul yearns, even faints,
   for the courts of the LORD;
my heart and my flesh cry out
   for the living God.
³ Even the sparrow has found a home,
   and the swallow a nest for herself,
   where she may have her young—
a place near your altar,
   LORD Almighty, my King and my God.
⁴ Blessed are those who dwell in your house;
   they are ever praising you.

 ⁵ Blessed are those whose strength is in you,
   whose hearts are set on pilgrimage.
⁶ As they pass through the Valley of Baka,
   they make it a place of springs;
   the autumn rains also cover it with pools.
⁷ They go from strength to strength,
   till each appears before God in Zion.

 ⁸ Hear my prayer, LORD God Almighty;
   listen to me, God of Jacob.
⁹ Look on our shield, O God;
   look with favor on your anointed one.

 ¹⁰ Better is one day in your courts
   than a thousand elsewhere;
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God
   than dwell in the tents of the wicked.
¹¹ For the LORD God is a sun and shield;
   the LORD bestows favor and honor;
no good thing does he withhold
   from those whose walk is blameless.

 ¹² LORD Almighty,
   blessed is the one who trusts in you. 

-psalm 84 

thanks to http://poppytalk.blogspot.com/2011/03/green-dreams.html for the pics :)

let it rain

It's a rainy afternoon preceded by a rainy morning in Athens. I had to get out early this morning and make a WalMart run before an 8 am meeting and I'll confess that the thunderstorm was so bad that I prayed for safety as I drove. I ended up having some sweet time with the Lord in the lightening and as I stood soaking wet at the bus stop with a backpack full of chicken biscuits (oh, my life...) I thought about the last time I'd gotten caught walking in rain that hard. I'm thinking it was the day we trucked through downtown Atlanta to get Passion registration taken care of... those were great days. There's something I love about the rain. Some of the best rain I've ever been in was in Brno, Czech Republic and I crave to be back in the daily downpour in Belize. Feel free to comment on how good we were looking in these high school pics, somewhere in the one road town of Armenia...

 

This one might still be hanging in my room somewhere...

I love that rain. I love how it washes the world clean and how vivid of a picture of grace it is. Hallelujah, grace like rain falls down on me. God's grace isn't a light sprinkling rain, it's a flood. One that pops up out of nowhere, that you can't escape, and that you might as well grab a friend and dance in. If you're gonna get wet, you might as well just get soaked. 

I'm craving to take my shoes off and go on another adventure, keep on dancing in the rain. As I flipped through those Belize pictures I realized that was the last time I've left the country. I got something in the mail today urging me to renew my passport under the pretense that you never know when you might need to spontaneously leave the country and chase adventure. I might do it. They might be right.

I just got back from Director/AD training weekend in Nashville for CentriKid. It was a huge blessing to sit with some unbelievable people and talk camp and laugh til you couldn't breathe for a few days. I got to hear some unbelievable stories and meet some unbelievable people. I got to hang out, talk spiritual direction with Mary, and pray specifically for our summer and our staff. I got to roast marshmallows, worship the Lord, and see all the secrets for the summer. I got to pray for a lady on an airplane. (What are the odds of sitting beside the same girl on my flight both directions?) I got to see old friends, spend sweet time with Jesus, and play an awful lot of card games. I got to put the crazy of the world behind me for a few days. I love getting to hear the Lord speak like that.

God's put some unbelievable blessings in my life right now... things I never would have imagined to even ask for. I find that as I desire more and more to ask Him if I can keep them, He more and more echoes back to me the desire to be willing to let Him have everything. It's a funny dichotomy and I love it.

DNow is this weekend at River Hills! Getting so excited... can't wait to see God shape the lives of these kiddos that I love so dearly. Mmm, gonna be fantastic. 

I'll close out this post of random thoughts with these words from Francis Chan:

"Life is too short. I don't want to speak about Jesus; I want to know Jesus. I want to be Jesus to people. I don't want just to write about the Holy Spirit; I want to experience His presence in my life in a profound way."

Amen to that. May the Lord continue to wreck and shape our lives. I don't want to write about it, I want to get out and live it. The Lord has been laying a lot on my heart... I promise to blog more coherently about it later.

heartbeat

Another entry tonight coming to you straight from the pages of my journal... As I get excited about these things, I don't feel I should just keep them all to myself. My prayer for sharing so honestly is not that it would reflect well on me, but that the thoughts the Lord lays down on my heart would speak specifically to someone else's as well. I'm starting this one off with a quote from Daniel's blog post tonight-- it spoke such truth and beauty. Thank you to those who share their hearts so sincerely. 

"i think that's why my heart is so overwhelmed. because i feel the heartbeat of my Savior."

I don't think this could have been summed up any better. I'm still living on the humility and vulnerability of the moment I wept for the children of New Orleans and how passionate my heart is learning to become as of late. I read these words in Philippians 3 today: 

"for, as I have often told you before and now say again even with tears, 

many live as enemies of the cross of Christ." (v. 18)

So many people are living as enemies of the cross... reminds me of the blatant reality of Ephesians 2. So many are living as enemies and at the same time God is welling up such a drive and a passion inside of so many of us. For me, it seems to be paired with an unquenchable thirst for His word each morning and throughout the day... I've prayed for that for years and I'm humbled at how obediently Christ is answering. I burn for the Lord as white hot tears stream down faces for the lost and broken. I burn for the Lord as I sit beside a student in service who is adamantly soaking up the pastors every word, seeking. I burn for the Lord as we sit silently around our kitchen table trying to make sense of the broken pieces of losing someone, searching for the words that bring comfort and healing. In that moment those tears flood back to my face and I swallow them, knowing the best we can do is to be still before the Lord as we let Him live out Romans 8:26. How beautiful that He intercedes for us when we don't even know what to pray for. 

People always tell you that Christianity doesn't profess itself to be easy... and yet Christ tells us that His yoke is easy and His burden is light. Why is it that the closer to God's heart I draw and the more He makes me whole, the more my heart breaks for those around me? I think that's how it's supposed to work... We're called to have a heart for the widows and the orphans and if anyone who is Fatherless counts as an orphan, then may the Lord break my heart daily for the lost and hurting. And may the words of my journal present a tangible echo in my life. In Philippians, Paul described the lost of the world even with tears. The passion in the story of Nehemiah looks very similar. Should I not be made more broken as He makes me more whole?

To hear a heartbeat you have to get close to someone. It's a beautifully sweet moment when you quiet yourself, lay your head gently on the chest, and listen to the true heartbeat, the methodical, rhythmic source of life. It takes a lot of trust to get that close and be that vulnerable-- trust on both parts. It's the same with God. I have to continue to quiet myself, open my ears, and trust in the constant, life-sustaining heartbeat of the living God. As I trust Him more, He entrusts more to me. The tears and the calling are overwhelming, yes, but it's a beautiful kind of burden; a taking of the hand and running head-first into the unknown. Trusting. Surrender your heart and it is filled with a frightening passion-- passion to feel things far beyond my reach or my vision. One day at a time may I be overwhelmed until there's simply nothing left of me.

visions of love

Today was a beautiful, much needed day of doing absolutely nothing. Today I slept late, read, went for a run, listened to the same song over and over again and spent absurd amounts of time in the sun on the back porch. Today I bought an unnecessary 2011/2012 planner. It was yellow, I couldn't help it. I will literally graduate college before this thing runs out... Today I finally finished One Thousand Gifts. The last chapter made my heart sing as Ann wrote about finding the Lord on an impromptu trip to France. I find a little bit of irony in the thought of France today... :) Seriously though, this book has brought me more joy than I can handle. So good to seek the Lord.

Anyway, despite the glory and needed relaxation that today has brought me, I'm missing my kids in New Orleans already. The rest of the group returns to Athens tomorrow and tonight they had a giant worship concert in a park. I can't wait to hear about the outcome of their public obedience to God... Now to sum up the rest of my trip.

nola... I blogged yesterday about how after the first day in that school I was torn up inside for those children. I find that so often I face the passionate turmoil that I cannot chose Christ for these people. I want those kiddos (and teachers) to grow up seeking Him but there's only so much I can do. A friend wrote me this that night: "The gospel is painful and a stumbling block...". So true. And yet when you get it, when you let it abide in you as you abide in it, its yoke is easy and its burden is light. I may never fully understand the juxtaposition of Christ-- how He can be (and is) both sides of all spectrums.

I went into day two at the school bathing it in prayer and still having no idea what to expect. My goal for the day was to spend more time communicating with the teacher than anything. To be honest, that didn't really happen. But my class's normal teacher was there (the day before she'd been out sick) and I was humbly taken back over the next few days by how wonderful she is. She has found the balance with these kids between being strict and keeping them in line and loving them so selflessly. I've never seen a teacher love on her students that much and take such an interest in their lives. They light up because they know she is proud of them. She has their respect because they have hers. It was a beautiful sight to see-- that they are being loved and cherished in a way that reflects how Christ loves on us. I could write so much more about her and how grateful I am, but I'll stop. The Lord taught me a ton about prayer and about listening to his quiet whispers. You can serve in anything, even if its testing sight words and sharpening pencils. I fell head first in love with these kids and their snotty noses. It broke my heart to leave them and I'll never stop cherishing the moment when 23 of them grasped my legs and cried for me not to go. I'm pretty sure they blessed me way more than I could ever have dreamed of blessing them.

The rest of the trip held a lot of beautiful moments. Worshiping as a team, meeting new people, scavenger hunts through the city... I prayed for unity going into this trip and I think it happened. So many encouragement notes, so many laughs and smiles, such beauty in us all coming around to pray over those who were hurting. The Lord was definitely at work.

One of my favorite moments came on the last night I was there. Kelvin walked me back to my room and he had the sweetest smile on his face as he explained to me that just hours before that at the Seaport Ministry he had gotten to share the gospel with someone... in Chinese. One of our boys had shared it in Russian. Funny how God puts the right people in the right place at just the right time. At just the right time... Romans 5:6.

My last night, a team of us prayer walked the streets of the french quarter. We walked, open eyed, and prayed out loud. Nola is a dark place... The streets are covered in fortune tellers as people invite in the darkness. I was reminded of the story of Jonah chapter 1 when the storm arises and each of the sailors is found crying out to their own god while Jonah sleeps in the bottom of the boat. The pagans are praying and the profit is asleep... everyone is crying out for something. We're all searching. It's time for the believers to wake up and speak truth.

Amazing things happened in our construction teams. I was broken and humbled by the stories of our sex trafficking team. I'm proud of my roommates, proud of my brothers and sisters, and humbled by the way God is working in and through our ministry. Praying for them today as they finish up and head home tomorrow. Praying that this unity and this ministry doesn't stop here.

Per usual, I could keep on writing... but there's a little thing called NCAA March Madness about to go down. What does it say that I'm watching basketball alone on a Friday night? Eh, oh well.

come

I just got home from our bcm mission trip to New Orleans and I have so very much to be thankful about. It was an incredible trip and I loved watching the Lord move in so many different teams and so many different ways. We did construction, worked with kids, ministered to sailors, worked in sex trafficking, worked with the homeless, and so on. I have so, so many good stories to share. But after a 10+ hour drive today, a quick run, and a lofty clean up of my apartment, I'm exhausted to say the least. But right now I want to do something that I rarely (if ever) do with this blog... Blogging has my heart, yes, but more often than that it comes through in the pages of my journal. I want to share tonight the words that I sprawled across the pages of my journal as tears flowed down my face after our first day in New Orleans. It gives a great picture of what my team was doing, the unexpected we faced, and the passion the Lord welled up inside of us. I was on the 'kids team' and a few days before we arrived, our plans all fell through. We ended up with the beautiful opportunity to work in an inner city public school and just love on the people there. I'll blog tomorrow about the outcome and the change (and post more pictures), but I think this is a good place to start for now. Bear with my unedited honesty... and watch as the story unfolds further.

"Less than one full day in Nola and my heart is literally about to combust. The Lord is working and moving in mighty ways. I'm so grateful for the spiritual affirmation and for the guidance and direction in my life.

Less than a week ago I blogged about the desire to somehow, somehwere be in the public school system. That is exactly where I found myself today. My heart is shattered for these kids and after thinking/praying through what on earth the Lord's will for me is in Arise Academy, I think I may have a foothold on it. Maybe? My heart is torn for the way these kiddos are treated. My special needs girl got yelled at today and lost her snack for tomorrow because she shared her goldfish with a girl who'd lost hers for bad behavior. That makes me want to throw up with how wrong it is. What a missed moment for grace. It seems nobody else notices the moment when Bernard, after an hour of being a terror, is the only one on his knees consoling the girl who is crying after losing a game. I pray daily that the Lord would give me His eyes to see... has He answered that cry? I'm so frustrated but the realization I've had is this: It is selfish for me to expect these teachers to show that kind of love to these kids if they do not know that love themselves. This school needs love and if God is love then you can do the math on that. Josh told me I'm like Paul in Galatians; livid at the fact that someone has told these kids if you don't walk where I say, talk when I say, do xyz, then you are undeserving of love. Mm, what a good word. Now I have to regroup, reassess, and figure out how to be the hands and feed of Christ not just to these kids tomorrow, but very specifically and intentioanlly to these teachers.

I think this is deeper than this week for me though. I'm trying to figure things out and I'm humbled by how much passion God has welled up in my heart. I'm the cry of Habbakuk-- what are you doing, Lord? I don't understand. But am I beginning to? Where is it that the Lord wants me next year? The fact that I stood outside this afternoon and wept openly for the hearts of these children is alive. It's breathing and it's relevant.

I opened today with Psalm 84 and headed out with this thought: Oh Lord Almighty, Blessed is the man who trusts in You. -ps. 84:12

Trusting the Lord tomorrow for guidance and open gates. Let nothing hinder the children from coming to Him."

And that's where I sat after day one. The story gets better-- in fact it takes a 180. I was so touched and blessed by the teacher of this class the next two days... but I'm saving all of that for tomorrow. For now, check out a few of these faces that I pray never stop being so dear to my heart.

 This is Bernard-- one of my all time favorites. The littlest, the one in the most trouble, the one with the snottiest nose and the most precious heart. I would've brought him home with me in a heart beat.

 love his sweet smile

 and those hairbows...

mm... there aren't words for how much I love him. 

 Check out how beautiful this is... amazing to cry it out with 100 college kids. Til tomorrow, friends.

 

swamp chickens

I'm about thirty minutes outside New Orleans right now and it has been one crazy but beautiful trip with Karen. I think the "swamp chickens" title describes it just about perfectly...

We stopped at a beach, rolled the windows down, and blasted my favorite song, Dancing Shoes. I think nothing was sweeter in our friendship than the line "I'm so tired of the nine to five, weighing down on my soul". We've talked about an impromptu adventure for some time now and here today we found ourselves on a beach in Mississippi.... and we ate dinner at a barbecue restaurant in a trailor park. But really...

We started a eucharisto list. We sought the Lord. We ate an entire bag of peanut m&ms.

Today I had some sweet conversations with my parents. Today church was a huge blessing (maybe even a double?). Today I got a sweet phone call from an airplane. What a day of blessings.

Despite being exhausted already (thank you time change and going to work while the stars were still out...), I am fully expecting the Lord to do great things this week. Praying for unity. Praying for God to move. Praying we show love to this city and praying for safety all who are far from home tonight.

Today has been a day of swamp chickens. I'm convinved you can find beauty in anything if you look to the Lord. He's reminding me to lean fully on Him this week... I think the timing of it is going to be perfect.

The Lord is good. Nola here we come.
 
update (bc I didn't get to post this until I was here...)--
I'm working with kids tomorrow in a public school. I am SO excited to see what the Lord brings.

enough

I'm justifying the fact that I'm sitting at Chickfila blogging right now intead of writing my This I Believe paper with the thought that I'm going to use this post as support... I have a long paper to write today about my plans for my life and how I'm going to use my major. Nothing helps writer's block quite like cfa sweet tea. Nothing helps a lot of things quite like cfa sweet tea. Shout out to my mom for raising an addict.

This morning in my research and eval class was what we like to call 'research Thursday' where someone who's working on their dissertation comes in and shares with us. The goal is for us to write written critiques of their research methodology and epistemological perspective and such... but confession, I threw the idea of listening for each of those things completely to the wind when our guest speaker began to pour out her research and findings on a topic I am so passionate about.

The first thing our research presenter asked us to do was write down a time when we felt we weren't enough. A heavy beginning. I'll skip the technical details, but she had spent time working with a group of middle school girls doing research on the feeling that we are not enough and how that relates to the body. We talked a lot about how our culture and our society discipline us to believe certain things about ourselves, to believe certain things about our bodies. The result is the feeling so many people (girls, boys, majorities, minorities, all ages) deal with that I'm not thin enough, I'm not athletic enough, I'm not smart enough, I'm simply not enough. She spent weeks meeting with these girls for writing workshops and just loving on them and getting to know their heartbeat on the issue. We talked about how quick this generation is to jump back for themselves and resist being forced into a mold, but at the same time how we discipline train kids from a young age. You sit in rows of desks. You don't speak when I'm speaking. You believe the things we're telling you. 

She laughed and told us "working with middle school girls requires a lot of humility.". Amen, Hillary. Amen. She talked a lot about how as educators we need to start listening to our adolescents more and differently. We have an awful lot we can learn from them. I know this is true.

I could talk about her research for a long time but it stirred up a passion inside of me. I've been called into ministry. I've been given a passion for girls. I have a heart for middle schoolers. And I don't know what I want to do with my life... no, that's a lie. I know exactly what I want to do, I just don't know yet through what medium. I want to use the passions and talents that the Lord has given me to take His Gospel to the people around me. I've blogged about wanting to spend time living in another country loving on the people. I want to work at camp forever. I want to be in the public school system. I want to spend every day with girls. I want to use my gifts of organizing and coordinating things. I don't know... I just want to serve.

I blogged last night about how crucial the gospel of Christ is. It's everything. Literally, everything. I wanted to jump out of my seat during the presentation today and ask Hillary if she told those girls that they were beautiful because God made them in His image. I wanted to know if she told them how He loves us, the price that He's paid for us that we might be able to be seen as enough. We aren't enough, we never will be. But in Christ we are made whole, full, beautiful. And I'm crying in a Chickfila right now... Can you tell that This I Believe?!

But do I?

Wes told a story yesterday about an agnostic girl he works with whom he had the chance to sit and talk about the Gospel. After knowing him for months and having a five hour conversation about scripture, heaven, hell, life, death, and everything in between, she looked him in the eyes and said "You don't believe in this." Of course he was floored, wouldn't you be? What do you mean I don't believe this? I've been living it and preaching it for months. I'm telling you that this is what I believe. But she looked at him and said "No. If you really believe in this Hell you just told me about, you would've told me a whole lot sooner." Amen. Amen, amen, amen.

What are we doing? What do I want to do with my life? I just want to share the love of Christ. I don't want to wait until next week or until I get my degree, I just want to go. I want to love. Live love. Love on the hurting people around me. Right here in Athens, Georgia. I want to serve. I want to tell the girls that they are beautiful, not because they are fitting or not fitting into the world around them but because we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus (eph. 2:10). The Greek word for workmanship there is poema, like a poem. A beautiful work of art.

But far too often I am quiet. Praying today for the Lord to give me a moment to speak His truth. Maybe right here in my favorite booth at Chickfila.

I'm daily amazed that this is real life. Thank goodness that This I Believe. I'm trading my life for His.

This was supposed to be a short post... oh well. It's too good to keep inside. We aren't supposed to anyway, right?

truth

It's another beautiful but rainy day in Athens. We seem to have a lot of those lately... I love the rain but I admit that I'm ready for some sunshine. I'm ready to go on another adventure. Can't stay put for long, can I?

Between the papers I should be working on right now, being sick, and working on planning multiple events, this week has been busy to say the least. Last night I got told "I see an awesome blog post coming from you very soon..." and it's been driving me crazy all day. What does it say about me that blogging was my motivation to get work done today?

For the last three years, my home in Athens has really and truly been the uga bcm. It's where I've sought the Lord, where I've gotten to serve, and where I've found my best friends and roommates. I count it a blessing to be a part of an organization that sees such life change year after year, day after day. The love in that place is indescribable to me. But as with anything, we've come to realize that we could do a whole lot better of a job. The past few weeks we've been talking a lot about what our vision for our ministry is-- we're scrapping everything and beginning a new process of building from the ground up and I'm way excited about it. Everyone is. As Dinner Theater and Women's Ministry have come to a close, my time on leadership is ending and with it closing a chapter of my life. I don't love that thought, but I know the Lord isn't done using me in the bcm and more importantly isn't done using the bcm in me.

Last night I got to watch the Body worship together in spirit and in truth. We cried our hearts out to God last night as Wes boldly presented the gospel of Christ to us. We've missed having Wes around, but I think more than anything what we have been missing in the past few weeks is setting our hearts to be open to hearing the Word of the Lord. It's funny how the Lord continues to hammer home the same themes in my life as of late. During the first set of worship, I began to meditate my heart on this thought: "But God." It's based out of Ephesians chapter two and I believe it's one of the most powerful phrases in all of scripture. I count it no coincidence that minutes later when Wes began to speak, he spoke on the exact passage the Lord had been placing on my heart that night. Between that and talking with Wes some more today, I have been reminded once again that the gospel is a truth that we need to hear every. single. day. It's not just the entry point into Christianity, it IS Christianity. Each day the things I learn should be run through the question "how does this effect my perspective of the Gospel?"

Wes put it this way: "I don't go beyond the gospel, I just go deeper into it." mmm.

We talked through the fact that it's not just that we do bad things, it's that we have a bad heart. In the old testament Moses looked at the people of Isreal and told them "you will not obey" but only one chapter later Joshua looks to them and says "you cannot obey." That's us, guys. We can't do it. Ephesians 2 tells us that were dead in our transgressions. Dead things just don't come back to life... Verses one through three unpack the fact that not only were we dead and walking in sin but we were followers of Satan and were objects of wrath. I don't even like writing those words. I don't like the way they taste. I don't know about you, but I find that offensive. And with good reason, I guess. Most of us would agree that we haven't always been such good people, but it's shocking to think about the fact that scripture tells us were followers of the ruler of the kingdom of air... Not much we could do about it. Not anything we could do about it.

BUT GOD... being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us,
 even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ. It is by grace you have been saved, and raised us up with Him, and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the ages to come He might show the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them. --v. 4-10

I could unpack that for hours, guys. That is the beauty of the gospel. Not by anything that we have done, but simply by the power and the love of Christ we have the opportunity to cancel out all of the junk that come in our lives. But God. mmm.

Wes put it this way: "Every other religion says 'do, do, do'. Christ says 'done'." That gift is free. No catch. It is done. Tetelestai.

We talked last night after Gathering about the fact that there was more passion and joy in the bcm that night than there had been all year. And it wasn't because Wes was there. It wasn't because the worship was sweet. It wasn't because we programmed it well and it wasn't because the band had it all together. It was because the offensive, beautiful truth of the gospel was proclaimed last night. The question becomes this: are our lives beautifying the Gospel? Wes was right when he said that we're excited about new programming for the B, but no amount of programming is going to make a bit of difference. It's all about the conditions of our hearts. That place was filled with the Lord last night and I couldn't be more pleased that our hearts have been opened, especially as we head out on Sunday to serve the people of New Orleans.

And of course, Jacob closed out the night with the words that literally continue to pop up everywhere in my life. Abide in Christ. Love on people. These are the truths of the gospel.

"And this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has seen God at any time; if we love one another, God abides in us, and His love is perfected in us. By this we know that we abide in Him and He in us, because He has given us of His Spirit." --1 John 4:10-13


I drove two of my sweet friends, Patty and Kelvin, home from Gathering last night and we had some sweet time worshiping together with the new Passion cd. We had the volume up loud and tears rolled down all of our faces as we shouted to the Lord the truth from Psalm 187:7, "All our fountains are in You." It was beyond beauty.

Good things are happening in Athens. Time to get up off the bcm couches and go. 
 
I want to leave it with this: one of my favorite pictures from last summer. The very last night before heading back to Nashville, myself and four of the other girls on my team stole a bed sheet (confession. we stole it. guilty.) from Ridgecrest and went to town painting it in the hallway. We might have even messed up the carpet. I titled my album from that night "Staff Worship" because that's exactly what it was... a night of beautiful music and an even more beautiful visual projection of how the Lord had shaped and altered our hearts through loving on kids that summer. All the pictures from that night shake me... I absolutely cannot wait for camp to start again.

prayer

I feel like a kindergartner again... today I got sent home sick from church. How often does that happen? After a quick nap, I've decided today is simply too beautiful to be sick inside. Maybe a little vitamin C never hurt anyone.

The Lord has been utterly and completely rocking my life this past week. He has given me more of a thirst for His word than I know what to do with and I hold dear so many precious moments with Him, marveling at His creation and simply singing His praises. This morning as I read His word, my beautiful friend Elissa played and sang sweet worship music. How precious it was to taste and see that the Lord is good together this morning. Somehow I think worship is sweeter when it isn't scheduled but is simply an overflow of the heart.

The past two days several themes have radiated on my heart-- one of them being prayer. Simple, right? I found myself yesterday on my knees in my apartment begging the Lord to guide me because on my own I couldn't see past the carpet. I've learned throughout my life that when something is bathed in prayer, not doused with it but fully bathed in it, it takes it out of my hands and leaves it up to the Lord. Things always turn out better that way.

I chatted last night with Mary Carlisle about what God is beginning to lay on both of our hearts for the summer. I get to meet the rest of our team today and let me tell you, I literally laid in bed last night and squealed, unable to sleep, feeling like a kid on Christmas. My prayers for this team are that there is an overwhelming sense of unity among us, nothing I could ever create but something that is only ordained by God. I whipped out my journal from last summer in search of something specific, and found myself both humbled and amazed at what I found. As I read over my daily prayers from last summer, I am marveled at how sincere and how specific they were. Over and over again I would see these prayers answered. I'd pray for strength, for unity, for the hearts of the kids, and for things I could never dream of accomplishing on my own. I look back on the most life-changing summer I've ever been a part of and know beyond the shadow of a doubt that the Lord was so at work because we were so devoted to wholly seeking him out in prayer. I prayed scripture, pieced things together, and begged the Lord to clear my heart to further understand the way. And He did.

But prayer for us so often has become a ministry tool. We use it to transition. We pray over our food because we should. We dismiss through prayer. It's what we know. So often I find my mind a million other places during those prayers.

The bcm is in the process of fully reformatting itself and a moment of honesty? I think something is missing. I think it's been somewhat missing all year. We can have great programming and bring in the best of the best at everything, but if we aren't praying over our every move then we are really running on our own. I remember Wes sharing specific stories last year of amazing things that would happen because people had committed to constantly being in prayer for the ministry. I know that our heart is to do ministry with God, not just about God, and that means us consulting Him each step of the way. I know I fail at that... I tell people I'm praying for them often, but am I always?

This morning at church we celebrated the amazing things the Lord has done in our ministry in the past six months. Amazing progress has been made and I know God's hand is all over it.  Chip challenged us this morning to give and to go but I would like to make one more challenge. I want to challenge myself to pray. Karen and I talked for a long time about prayer this morning (we have some of our best chats on Sundays) and she put it this way on her blog: "I don't want to be part of something that we plan and ask God to bless (or save). I want to be part of something that only God can do ... something worth telling stories about."

Amen to that. Working in ministry for me can often become about planning at 90 miles an hour and asking the  Lord to bless our efforts. But I want so much more than what I am able to create or even what I am able to dream about. Another honesty moment? I have to wonder if that's why women's retreat fell apart. In my narrowly focused mindset was I remembering to sit and seek out what it is God wanted the weekend to look like? After all, His plans are far better.

I yearn for those moments I find myself face down in the carpet. I pray daily that the Lord would break me and break those that are a parts of the ministries around me. Wreck us, Lord, that we might see You more clearly. My heart desires my prayer life to look like it did last summer-- that it is a daily begging of the Lord to speak through me and to push me through the day. I love that dependence. I pray we seek it out in all we do. Prayer is our most vital line of communication. I pray I make it my life source.

Just a thought. God is up to some amazing things. I can see them. May we daily be renewed by the transforming of our minds... daily find ourselves face down in the carpet.

real life

So often these days my dear friend Laura and I ask one another "Is this real life!?". It's almost become a joke now. Sometimes our lives are filled with such craziness that that we have to laugh and wonder if it's real. Even more often as of late, sometimes are lives are filled with such gifts and blessings from the Lord that we marvel at it. We can't believe it's real life... couldn't be.

Three days ago I laid all that was stressing me out on the table and fled town. Sometimes the Lord calls on our heart to go... I've been trying to explain what a refresh my soul needed and I can't put it into words. I needed a break before I broke and that time in the car with just the sunshine and the Lord was unbelievable.

When I drive, my bible and notebook get shotgun. Always. In a moment of being silly on Tuesday I said in my best preacher voice "Lord, show me your word!" (yes, outloud...) and flipped to a random page on the interstate. God's reminder to me?

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."  -James 1:17

Amen.

The next few days looked a lot like this: sunshine. family. new friends. old friends. adventures. Jesus. peace. restoration. So many moments of laughing til you can't breathe. So good to see it all. I had some beautiful conversations about what the Lord has been doing and is continuing to do in my life. My soul was both wrecked and restored over the past few days. One of my favorite moments? Riding down the road with Daniel with the windows down and the music up as the sun set over the most beautiful field. Glory. So glad I get to live in Mississippi this summer. My how the Lord has changed my heart over the years.

God's shown me a lot over the past few days. Reading through the book of Isaiah and being constantly reminded of the beauty of Romans 5... Therefore, since we have been justified by faith....

But I'm back in Athens now. And if figures that after three days of beauty and sunshine, it would be unnaturally cold and rainy here today. But you know what? I'm loving it anyway. Because hey, the Lord's mercies are made new each morning. He makes the sunshine, He makes the rain. As I was reading in John chapter 2 this morning about Jesus turning the water to wine I thought about this:


"This, the first of his miraculous signs, Jesus performed at Cana in Galilee. He thus revealed his glory, and his disciples put their faith in Him." -John 2:11

The disciples put their faith in Him after seeing this initial miracle. They'd been following Him before that for just a little while but in this moment, they knew He was worthy of their faith. They were justified through faith... I can't help but think at this moment in time that the disciples must have shared the thought I've had so many times lately: Is this real life?!" Hello, they just watched a man turn water intended for washing into a wine that the master of the banquet complimented as being fine and worthy! They had to have been amazed. And shouldn't we be also? Daily? Does it change the way we view it because we know the ending to the story? I love the thought and the reality that we ought to wake up daily amazed at the fact that yes, this is real life. As I drove home yesterday I thought about the fact that it is daily real life that the King of the Universe sent his perfect son to die. For me. And you. And that's true. I'm still baffled by it most days but I think it plays into the idea of living in awe and amazement of God. It's real life... this is real life. Can it be? 

That might not have been deep and it might not have been theological, but it's the thoughts on my mind on this rainy and busy day. I'm both humbled and amazed that all that is going on in my life is real life right now... Every good and perfect gift. Praise His name.