remember, remember.

Here is a confession I have never before vocalized:
As of the past few years, I have developed a somewhat irrational fear of the end of July.

I know, it's ridiculous. But the end of July seems to have a pretty bad track record for me. No matter how well your life is going, inevitably someone will end up nearly paralyzed in a hospital, someone you love will pass away, or someone will break your heart more than you ever knew possible. It's likely that next year I'll break my leg or catch some sort of deadly disease, but I'm trying not to think about it just yet.

Everybody goes through hardships in life, some we can anticipate and some that will hit us out of the blue. And I realized something beautiful tonight during small group. As we came to the end of Genesis and the story of Jacob, our dearest friend Beth said to us: (yes, we pretend to be on a first name basis with Beth Moore...):

"Beloved, in God's economy fruitfulness trumps forgetfulness every time. No matter how differently we feel at times, becoming fruitful in our troubles has far greater ramifications of blessing than forgetting our troubles... Jacob's enduring line would not be marked by the troubles they'd forgotten. It would be marked by the faithfulness of a God who remembered His covenant and made them fruitful. Fruitfulness trumps forgetfulness just as surely in your life and mine."

Fruitfulness trumps forgetfulness... hmm. So often when our figurative ends of July come and tragedy hits in our lives, we work our very hardest to block it out and forget it. I learned my lesson earlier this year about trying to just ignore these things, but that's another story really. All of us have our strategies for forgetting hardships-- some people drink away the pain, some people head out of town, some people turn to drugs. Me? If it's really bad my first instinct is to run (and I say again that I will never forget the kindness of a precious friend putting on her tennis shoes and running with me at 1 am on a hot July night in South Georgia. Such a blessing.) But my other instinct is often to just sleep... Just sleep it off, watch a sweet movie, lose yourself in something to forget about your hardship.

But no, that's not really what we're called to, is it? Like Beth says, fruitfulness trumps forgetfulness. Psalm 34:18 reminds us that "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." He knows, precious readers. He understands. I firmly believe that we go through hardships because we have something sweet to learn from them. Yes, they suck but in retrospect, anything and everything we go through can teach us something of the Lord's character and help us to draw closer to Him. Sometimes we have to look hard for the good, sometimes we might never see it... but we have to trust that He has a plan-- a Jeremiah 29:11 plan-- and that He will be faithful to Hebrews 13:5 and will never leave us nor forsake us. Forgetting these hardships is blocking out what the Lord is trying to show us through them. Of course, it's never a good plan to dwell on things but we have to acknowledge situations and acknowledge God's control and His sovereignty in them.

The Lord took care of Jacob and his family and He takes care of us as well. Be encouraged-- know that the Lord is good, that you are never alone, and that everybody has those end of July moments. I'm pleased to say that life looks pretty good here in mid November, but I cherish all my tragic July experiences and the beauties that I see come out of them year after year, be it beautiful friends, the Holiness of the Lord, or simply growth into who God is slowly shaping me to be. It's easier said in retrospect of course, but I'm tryimg to store up this knowledge for the next time plague hits my life.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." --James 1:2-4