retrospects on selflessness

Let's level. A week ago I wrote a blog post titled "Selflessness" and I guarantee nobody read it. I guarantee this mostly because I deleted it only a few hours after I wrote it on account of it being one of the most selfish things I think I've ever written.

It basically focused on how we are called to be selfless as Christians and how that isn't easy. I also told an ambiguous story about how I had made a selfless decision that night that the people involved would likely never know about. I told it in a way as to not draw glory or attention to myself, but let's be real. At the heart of the issue, I was simply bragging on my own selflessness. That's not selfless, it's prideful.

Selflessness in the past few months of my life has to me meant bottling up anything that mattered at all to me or was concerning me, for the sake of being there for others. But as I studied Romans 2 today with a precious friend, I was reminded that it isn't about the outward appearance of our faith, it's about the actual condition of our heart. Putting others first in hopes that someone will eventually notice (and that's the honest truth) is far from the actual calling God has placed on our lives. Stop preaching on your street corner, Laura, and serve others out of the actual willingness of your heart.

I've also realized lately once again what a blessing friendship is in life. I have this friend who I fully believe God has placed in my life for a reason. Our friendship looks a lot like our lunches-- you bring the pasta and I'll bring the sauce. Both of us are a far cry from perfect but I believe God uses us to encourage one another on a regular basis. We're walking through somewhat similar phases of life and it means a lot to have a friend who understands and can provide biblical insight when necessary. I count myself lucky to have great friends in life, and this speaks back to my picture of selflessness. Selflessness doesn't mean that I pretend I have the whole world together for the sake of helping my friends through their weaknesses. Selflessness does, however, mean that I am vulnerable enough to admit where I stand and simultaneously stand alongside the people in my life when God puts me in a position to do so. I love that about friendship-- it is a two sided concept, the age old idea of giving and taking. When everyone focuses on the giving, the world ends up a much happier place.

So I've been humbled on my narrow perspective of selfless behavior. I am a selfish individual, this much I know. But I thank God daily for being patient with me, for forgiving me when I am wrong, and for gently drawing me to my knees.

"Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God's kindness leads you toward repentance?" --Romans 2:4

I'm leaving the blank post below as a reminder.