follow.

blogging... it's something I've been meaning to do for a while but there's simply too much going on, too much to say.

The Lord has been teaching me so very much in the past month or so and as I set out to write this, I'm not even sure which direction it will take or where it will end up. I journal every day but I blog very rarely, only when I feel the Lord impounding upon my heart that something I have learned could be of value to others. So I write to you, my pretend readers, in hopes that someone out there needed to hear this...

The sermon hit a lot of us right where we needed to be tonight at Gathering. This summer and into now, God has really given me an unquenchable passion for scripture and I love seeing passages be refreshed and meaningful over and over again. Tonight as we walked through the story of Jesus asking Peter if he truly loves Him, we landed in a very unexpected place. I taught kids each week about how Jesus tells Peter to feed his sheep and follow Him but I never really kept reading. Jesus promises Peter everything (because life with Jesus really is everything.) and Peter turns back to ask "but what about him?" in reference to another disciple. Jesus's response?

"...What is that to you? You must follow me."

We talked about this verse tonight in the context of envy but for me, I think it can apply in a multitude of directions. Why do we, as humans, get so bogged down and lose focus over other things when all we are called to do is faithfully follow? That's it... that's all it boils down to.

I'll be really blunt and honest, this summer the boy I loved cheated on me, dumped me, and broke my heart. Those were hard words to type and a harder reality to live. Again, I tell this story not for pity or for affirmation but only to make a point. I can honestly say I've never been so hurt or betrayed by anyone in my entire life. It takes a lot out of what you believe about yourself to go through something like this. I spent every day this summer teaching little girls about how they are fearfully and wonderfully made (ps. 139:14) and how God is enthralled by their beauty (ps. 45:11) and how we are made in the image of God, wholly and dearly loved. I know and believe all of these things to be true and fill my life with these truths daily and yet I can honestly not tell you the last time I looked in the mirror and believed I was truly beautiful. I could go on for hours about all the good things I know the Lord has planned for this because I know Jeremiah 29:11 to be the utmost truth... and I'm slowly beginning to see the bright sides to this situation. God has plans for everything and while I am fully confident in His love and His plans for me, I admit that it is still a daily struggle to not compare myself to other people or wonder if and where I fell short. It hurts me to think that this person never turns back to even question his decision. I'm not angry, only broken. Broken, but not hopeless. I know what is truth and I fill myself up with that daily, but still that is where Satan has me... and that is where we play back into tonight's scripture.

"...What is that to you? You must follow me."

What does that even matter? Why on Earth walk around making comparisons or being weighed down and burdened by this or by anything else really? This is my current example, but it can apply most anywhere. I'm literally praying for the day when this doesn't cross my mind, but healing takes time. However, in the grand scheme of life, what is that to me? I must follow Christ. Why worry about what's going on with other people in this capacity? Life is not a question of why some people are allotted certain blessings while others are put through struggles. God has something different for me than he has for you and than he has for the person across the room... we lose focus of our story and our journey with Christ. We try to follow formulas-- "well, this happened to her and it turned out this way." No. It's irrelevant because when it comes to our walks with the Lord, we don't need to worry about how He's handling the rest of the world. Do we not have faith that God is big enough to take care of all that correctly without my help? Did Peter really think that Jesus needed him to worry about how He handled other people? So then there's really no need to either focus on it or be jealous of it at all... easier said than done of course. Let other people's blessings be blessings and take your struggles for what they're worth-- hard lessons or plans to grow you closer to the Lord.

The Lord tells Paul in the book of 2nd Corinthians that "My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness."
and Paul's echoing response is "That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
My daily prayer is that that would be my echoing response also.

God's plans, much like Him, are big, they are mighty and they are mysterious. All we can do is take heart and follow. Put aside the other worries-- let blessings be blessing and stand firm on truth. I pray that we each take heart in knowing that all we have to do is follow.


that's just my thought. yours?

snapshots of love

Tonight our bcm discipleship team had it's first kickoff event for the year. We faced an awful lot of obstacles and used a lot of flexibility but overall pulled off a really successful event. The finale of it, a women's ministry "movie under the stars" ended up being a movie in the chapel but was still a lot of fun. It was a good thing we moved in because right towards the end of the movie, the heavens opened up and a monsoon began. Regardless, everything happened beautifully. ...Until everyone left.

Heidi and I were carrying the sound board back downstairs when we turned to see that the downstairs of our beloved uga bcm had all of a sudden become an indoor swimming pool. Seriously, there was a least and inch and a half of water rushing across the floor towards the stage (and the closet full of quite pricey sound equipment...)

I yelled frantically for Karen and the next hour was spent with the three of us plus Courtney literally sweeping and shoving water out the back door of the bcm. Of course the shop vac didn't work and it was beginning to seem like a futile effort. We called in Franklin and by God's grace Aubrey and Scott Murphy showed up and ended up helping. It took us forever to push the water out but luckily nothing was damaged... but it was the point around midnight when I was barefoot, dirty, soaked, and on my hands and knees wiping the nasty floor with towels that it hit me...

this is love.

It's our theme for the year... love. But what is love? Tonight, we saw love manifested in service. What in the world would persuade a bunch of college kids on a Friday night to be frantically trying to mop water out a door? What would drive us to stay there any longer after having literally been in the building 10 hours already? We pulled together quickly to fix the problem because we love our bcm.

But why? Why love an old, dirty building? Why put such effort into working there and devote so much time and passion to an organization led by a bunch of college students? We give and serve and do what we do not because we are bored or have tons of free time, but so that we can effectively love our students because Christ first loved us. We talked this Tuesday about how God loves us because He loves us because He loves us. He just does. And therefore we should just do also. And that love manifests itself in so many ways-- be it shuttling around freshman, stepping up to grill hamburgers last minute, giving up your free time to run sound, giving up sleep to play rec games all night after a long week of class, cleaning up a kitchen, playing frisbee with others, stacking chairs when it's not even your job, or sweeping water out the door at midnight... The beauty of that thought is that all of those are specific things that I have seen lived out by different people just today.

I'm overwhelmed by the magnitude of such giving love... we do our best to love efficiently as an outflowing of our hearts first because Christ loves us and second because he asked us to go forth and selflessly love others. And I love daily watching that play out. I think this is going to be a really cool year for us, not just as a ministry but also as individuals. When we open our hearts to love, it is amazing what the Lord will show us, even when we don't expect it.

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." --psalm 34:18


This is the verse with which I started off the morning. Sometimes in our lives, unexpected things will get thrown our way that will cause us unpredicted amounts of difficulty and for me, last night was one of those things. (I'll take a second to say I count it an unfortunate coincidence that it was exactly one year from the night my life fell to pieces last year... funny how God's timing works ironically.) Regardless, I take the opportunity every single day of my life to tell kids that God has big plans for each of our lives and that we have to faithfully have confidence that he knows exactly what he is doing so much better than we ever will. If I quote Jeremiah 29:11 once a day, I quote it at least 23 times. Today more than ever I prayed that the Lord would reaffirm me in the truth of it all.

And you know what? Our God is always faithful to hear the cries of our heart.

I cannot say that I did not trip over a change of God's plans, but I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that my God never leaves me or forsakes me, that he has plans to prosper me and not to harm me, and that he works all things to the good of those who love him.

I was unexpectedly incredibly blessed by a new friend today. The chance to talk through theology and to taste and see that the Lord is good were boldly presented to me today. At the end of today, I can say that I have seen more of God in this day than I have in quite a while. (and that says something, seeing as I get to see kids come to the Lord on such a regular basis.)

Be reassured, friends, that God's timing is perfect in every single way. I can see that at work in my own life right now. God orchestrates the tiniest details of our lives and uses them to bring us peace and to shows his might, and my goodness do I know and see that at work. Thank the Lord that we do not serve a God who leaves us hanging, leaves us unsure of how He feels about us, or leaves us wondering if He is even hearing us. Our God is greater, stronger, and higher than all of that.

About a year ago this time, God revealed to me the verse I so frequently sign on the back of kids tshirts: psalm 37:23-24-- "If the LORD delights in a man's way, he makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand.".

God has huge plans for each of our lives. I talked today with my friend about how the world cannot understand what an upbeat mood I'm in when my life is chaotic. The world doesn't understand why or how I'm doing what I'm doing and frankly, neither do I. However, the result comes from being found in Him. Being found in Christ, as a new creation. We never need anything more, and I sincerely believe that will every stitch of my heart.

True Life...

true life CentriKid, I had four minutes for dinner. A kid spilled coke on my food and I ate it anyway.

true life CentriKid, I got asked where babies come from.

true life CentriKid, I held deep conversations with some adults while totally forgetting I had a marker mustache drawn on my face.

I meant to do that... No, really.

Something that I discover more and more each day about camp is just how intentional every single piece of it. There is a reason we paraphrase stories with the bible still open. There is a reason the back of the nametag is printed upside down. There is a reason we mark boxes with red tape. There is a reason we call it hang time instead of free time. There's a reason to remove your sunglasses, a reason to wear your tube socks, and a reason to use a specific cup and pack it all a specific way.

It's a lot to learn, but it speaks so much about being intentional.

Not being a long-time staffer or camper, I can say unbiasedly that every aspect of CentriKid is planned out to a t, thought over in detail, and organized to be the best of the best. They do an incredible job and I'm proud to be a part of it. Each thing is completely made to be intentional, thus helping us lead to intentional conversations and in turn sharing the gospel with Christ.

and that is what intentional living is really all about.


It's been a long past two days, and none of us can believe that tomorrow marks only a week that we've all been together. The CK1 family has come together fast, and we're ready for our kids to get here (well, almost.). From playing "debrief that" in the van to naming boxes on the Budge to exceeding the max number of items on the checkout at WalMart (who knew that was possible?), it's been only the beginning of a great adventure. Crazy to think I'm blessed to live with 32 unbelievable people for the next two months... it's going to be great. :)

chika chika HARDCORE.

So it's been a while since an update and I find myself now at Lee University in Cleveland, TN and I can't help but remember when I was planning on going here... how funny it is that the Lord changes our plans. just a thought.

CK1 is unbelievable! I'm tired and way too full of pizza (though it's nice to finally be full...) so I'm just leaving you with a picture of the friendly faces next to me in the hall.