Goodness.
This might be the longest I've gone without blogging in who knows how long. Welcome to camp, I suppose. A lot of days I don't have time to eat or shower so I guess excess times for blogging are few and far between. It may take me days to finish this post but I am nonetheless bound and determined.
I'm reasonably sure that on my next birthday I'll be turning 35 years old. And by that I mean that I feel the Lord has grown me up at least ten years in the course of this summer... The summer at camp has had me face things I never would have imagined to prepare for, has stretched me to my limits, has taught me infinite amounts about life and leadership, and has altered my perspective on the world and on ministry. I'm convinced that it's impossible to work camp without growing in a million ways but I am in awe to look back at how far the Lord has brought me in just seven short weeks.
I sat tonight during worship with 687 kids and adults crying out the words how great is our God and all I could think was just how great He truly is. I began to think back to my life one year ago today. A year ago today I sat in the heat of south Georgia, exhausted and with a burdened heart with two weeks left of camp. Today I sat in Jackson, Missisippi, still exhausted and with my heart burdened, but for very different reasons. I told Daniel last week that my prayer for the rest of my summer was at the end of each day to be utterly exhausted for the cause of the Gospel. The Lord isn't taking my request lightly. I've seen a lot since then and can genuinely say that at the end of each night, I'm worn out from knowing that this team left it all on the field for the day. But I've sidetracked from the point I was getting at... I sat tonight in worship and in true Laura fashion, I grabbed my pen and my notebook and began to sprawl out prayers to the Lord in the light of the sound board while kids sang out their hearts to God. I began to thank Him for the blessings and the growth in my life over the past year and began to marvel with Him at how much He has provided and who He is calling me to be. I don't know how I came to be where I am now. I don't deserve the blessings He's poured out and I wouldn't be me without the struggles I've faced along the way. Sing with me, how great is our God, and it's all for His glory. He has such a mighty plan and often times looking backwards is the best way to see it.
For His glory. I've been learning a lot about that lately. What exactly is the glory of God? One of my all time favorite verses is Romans 5:2 where we are called to 'rejoice in the hope of the glory of God' and the Lord has been unpacking that in my life this week. As I've been reading through Ezekiel, I'm gaining a clearer picture of what the glory of God tangibly looks like and how people fell literally to their faces in awe of the elaborate and incomparable Spirit of the Lord. We rejoice in the hope of that-- the hope that one day we will see face to face what Ezekiel saw, and we will fall to our faces in wonder. But we don't get to see that now-- at least not in that form. Scripture tells us that Jesus was the glory of God, and the glory of God has now manifested itself into Holy Spirit and lives daily inside of me, providing me with continual hope-- hope in the Gospel and in Salvation. Why does that thought alone not cause me to fall flat on my face? Overwhelmed, like Ezekiel 3. I take that for granted each day, that the spirit of God, the same might described across scripture, resides inside of me. Am I allowing it to work? Am I amazed and awestruck each day? I'm pretty sure there was no where Ezekiel could've gone to escape the Glory of the Lord, and above that I'm pretty sure there's nowhere he'd have rather been. Why? Be cause his hope rested in that. And why not? It was the tangible glory of the Lord. Is my life tangibly reflecting that same glory? Glory to God. Is that what people see of my life? The inescapable, awesome, incomparable glory in which I allow all hope to rest? Should be... May that be my heartbeat today.
I don't know what the Lord has left to teach me in the next week and a half of camp. I marvel today and wonder as well what my life will look like in another year. I have no idea... I'm graduating from college soon and a year from now I have literally no idea what my life will look like. Confession, that thought scares me. No, it terrifies me. But I take comfort in seeing how the Lord has brought me to things I couldn't imagine and I put my hope in that-- in the fact that His glory is inside of me and is guiding me day by day. I can't wait to see what else He does. I can't wait to get back to Athens to see what He's done in the lives of others as He sent us out for the summer. I can't wait to be back in the same place as the precious boy who sent me sunflowers today for no apparent reason. I can't wait to see my family, to be in 100, and to see where God calls me to serve next.
I love my job. I'm praying I don't miss a second of the next week and a half. I can't wait, and yet I am so not ready...
That might've been fully disconnected and nonsensical but hey, I average 5 hours a night and I am exhausted. Exhausted... just as I prayed I would be.
