blogging... it's something I've been meaning to do for a while but there's simply too much going on, too much to say.
The Lord has been teaching me so very much in the past month or so and as I set out to write this, I'm not even sure which direction it will take or where it will end up. I journal every day but I blog very rarely, only when I feel the Lord impounding upon my heart that something I have learned could be of value to others. So I write to you, my pretend readers, in hopes that someone out there needed to hear this...
The sermon hit a lot of us right where we needed to be tonight at Gathering. This summer and into now, God has really given me an unquenchable passion for scripture and I love seeing passages be refreshed and meaningful over and over again. Tonight as we walked through the story of Jesus asking Peter if he truly loves Him, we landed in a very unexpected place. I taught kids each week about how Jesus tells Peter to feed his sheep and follow Him but I never really kept reading. Jesus promises Peter everything (because life with Jesus really is everything.) and Peter turns back to ask "but what about him?" in reference to another disciple. Jesus's response?
"...What is that to you? You must follow me."
We talked about this verse tonight in the context of envy but for me, I think it can apply in a multitude of directions. Why do we, as humans, get so bogged down and lose focus over other things when all we are called to do is faithfully follow? That's it... that's all it boils down to.
I'll be really blunt and honest, this summer the boy I loved cheated on me, dumped me, and broke my heart. Those were hard words to type and a harder reality to live. Again, I tell this story not for pity or for affirmation but only to make a point. I can honestly say I've never been so hurt or betrayed by anyone in my entire life. It takes a lot out of what you believe about yourself to go through something like this. I spent every day this summer teaching little girls about how they are fearfully and wonderfully made (ps. 139:14) and how God is enthralled by their beauty (ps. 45:11) and how we are made in the image of God, wholly and dearly loved. I know and believe all of these things to be true and fill my life with these truths daily and yet I can honestly not tell you the last time I looked in the mirror and believed I was truly beautiful. I could go on for hours about all the good things I know the Lord has planned for this because I know Jeremiah 29:11 to be the utmost truth... and I'm slowly beginning to see the bright sides to this situation. God has plans for everything and while I am fully confident in His love and His plans for me, I admit that it is still a daily struggle to not compare myself to other people or wonder if and where I fell short. It hurts me to think that this person never turns back to even question his decision. I'm not angry, only broken. Broken, but not hopeless. I know what is truth and I fill myself up with that daily, but still that is where Satan has me... and that is where we play back into tonight's scripture.
"...What is that to you? You must follow me."
What does that even matter? Why on Earth walk around making comparisons or being weighed down and burdened by this or by anything else really? This is my current example, but it can apply most anywhere. I'm literally praying for the day when this doesn't cross my mind, but healing takes time. However, in the grand scheme of life, what is that to me? I must follow Christ. Why worry about what's going on with other people in this capacity? Life is not a question of why some people are allotted certain blessings while others are put through struggles. God has something different for me than he has for you and than he has for the person across the room... we lose focus of our story and our journey with Christ. We try to follow formulas-- "well, this happened to her and it turned out this way." No. It's irrelevant because when it comes to our walks with the Lord, we don't need to worry about how He's handling the rest of the world. Do we not have faith that God is big enough to take care of all that correctly without my help? Did Peter really think that Jesus needed him to worry about how He handled other people? So then there's really no need to either focus on it or be jealous of it at all... easier said than done of course. Let other people's blessings be blessings and take your struggles for what they're worth-- hard lessons or plans to grow you closer to the Lord.
The Lord tells Paul in the book of 2nd Corinthians that "My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness."
and Paul's echoing response is "That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
My daily prayer is that that would be my echoing response also.
God's plans, much like Him, are big, they are mighty and they are mysterious. All we can do is take heart and follow. Put aside the other worries-- let blessings be blessing and stand firm on truth. I pray that we each take heart in knowing that all we have to do is follow.
that's just my thought. yours?
